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Permalink Reply by Chris B on March 3, 2010 at 6:56pm

I'm just the opposite - my Dan seemed just fine on the days prior to his death, except for a toothache (he was scheduled to go in for a root canal the day he died). The ME report came back with a Cause of Death as "Lobar pneumonia" which is even more bizarre to me, because he wasn't even coughing on Monday, and died Tuesday morning. I suppose there's some solace in that, in the fact that he didn't "know it was coming" any more than I did.

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on March 4, 2010 at 4:14am

Hi Lois,

I believe that a person knows or feel when the death is approaching! Two of my husbands passed away, the first one was back in 1999 from lung cancer(due to nicotine) he suffered for 2 long years before his death. My second husband John passed away just 4 months ago, from Ruptured Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm. In both cases I've noticed change in their behavior prior the death occurred. My first husband per example.....was very depressed, quiet, sad and thoughtful. Even after the doctors told him, that he was cancer free after 33 treatments of radiation. He was skeptical about his condition. Months later, the cancer returned in different area of his body more agressive this time. Then for sure he knew the end was approaching, he was getting more and more depressed, extremely quiet, asking me to call his son(my stepson) to say goodbye. This all happened while he was at home. His mental status started to change as well, he would wake up in the middle of night open the front door looking for the milk man. I had to hide the front door key every night before I go to bed. In the very end, I would say one month before his death, he even couldn't recognize me sometimes thinking I was his deceased sister, also he didn't know where the bathroom was.

It was very difficult for me to take care of him like that, he was a very big tall man 6'2 weighting 159 lbs(lost so much weight due to the cancer) he used to weight 215 lbs. The last time I took him to the hospital he was total confused, and very...very restless. It was near to our 12 years wedding aniversary, during his hospitalization which did last about one week. He was very confused, talking nonsense, except for one day which I believe when he said goodbye to me and our daughter.

We came to visit him in the hospital, that day he was wake, not confused at all, and very happy to see me and our daughter. He wished me a happy aniversary, hugged and kissed me and said how much he loved me, he did the same with our daughter. Then of suddenly, he started to crying(in 12 years I never seen him crying) It was the first time. He told me how fustrated, and sad he was with his condition, how disapointed he was with his doctors by don't doing anything to cure his cancer, and it was taking too long. Then he said to me, that he would never get out of that hospital again....he just knew it!

Prior his last hospitalization we were making plan to visit Disney World as soon he would feel better. I remember he mentioned that as well, by telling me to take our daughter to Disney anyway.....even if he couldn't make it!
That was the last time, he was mentaly clear and capable of talking to me or anyone around.....he died just days later, at the hospice unit.

I was kissing his forehead whe he took his last breath. He appears very often in my dreams, holding and comforting me, he is my big angel watching over me, and our daughter. He was cremated his ashes was deposited in the sea, as he wished.

My last husband John, a week before his death he was very thoughtful, worried about have things done, not getting much sleep during the night, waking up getting full dressed around the same time, having nightmares, I noticed also that 3 days before his death he was in bad mood, more sensitive for no reason, he wanted to be closer to me, just a day before he was singing me a love song from the 'ghost' movie(my favorite movie) with Demi Moore.

Anyway, in both cases I can tell for sure....somehow they know when the time is coming. He bought me too a Big Beautiful Red Teddy Bear for Valentines last year, holding a big heart in it hands saying "I love you" he was so excited to give me that bear. Like it was something very special and important to him to buy me that bear. He used to buy me candies, and flowers for Valentines....not bears!
Somehow.....he knew it, that it was our last Valentine together. It was 8 months prior his death!

Probably your husband feel or knew something too, maybe he didn't want to tell you. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to my John, cause he died so sudden and unexpected. I write and talk to him alot, also I pray for him every day. We were so close together when he was alive. Today, I had a bad day missing him so much....I miss his arms around me, comforting me when I am stressed or having problems. I did cry a lot today. It is off and on. I know that he is with me....as an angel. I do have short dreams of him sometimes, since his death.




Lois Taitague said:

Absolutely, but in a totally different way, and I don't think his change was a precursor to his death in any way. One thing that was very, very different was that he fulfilled several promises to me, and for the world's biggest procrastinator, that was a big, big deal!! In the week before his death he bought me several small mementos, which was also out of character. Being on disability income he didn't have extra money for gifts. One was a white angel bear holding the most awful smelling perfume you could imagine. I hung it over my computer chair and told him that his angel would be looking over me. It's still there doing it's job. Even though he often told me he loved me, it was more frequent during the days before his death. I go to work six times a day for short periods of time, and each time I left the house he would call out that he loved me. I found it curious at the time. He was also having more trouble with short-term memory, which was where the MS affected him most. Although he died of a heart attack (they say) I believe that if he'd lived, he would have lost more functionality and mental ability rather quickly, and I'm convinced that it would have been more painful for him over the long term to become dependent on me. As much as I miss him, I accept that he's been spared that blow to his pride. I can almost hear him say "At least I died a whole man."

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on March 9, 2010 at 10:00am

Greetings, Missmylove47,

Yes, I noticed a remarked change in Byron's behavior prior to his death; unfortunately, it was not for the better - he became increasingly angry, combative, confused, nasty....and this was for about 6-8 months prior.

He could also be such a teddy bear - sweet, loving, considerate, romantic....I attribute the personality changes to the hepatic encephalopathy; when your liver cannot detoxify your body properly, the toxins build up, and affect all vital systems, including the brain....his brain was definitely affected; when I finally got him the appointment with the pain specialist, the doctor told me bluntly that I needed to take him to a neurologist, because he had neurological, not primarily muscular or nerve problems.

At the point we saw the neurologist, Byron was severely jaundiced, with ascites (swelling of the abdomen), severe anemia - his liver was done for. He was not a candidate for a transplant; in the last days of his life, he stopped talking, and manifested all the signs of the end-stage. His death was very peaceful - he took one last breath, and died, without struggling or agony.

Continued blessing, peace and healing to you - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by Denise MacCallum on March 9, 2010 at 10:18am

My husband fought when he knew he was dying....He tried to get out of the bed...Yelling I won't let it control me...He didn't have a peaceful death..It was awful....I can't get it out of my head...He has been gone for 4 months and I still cry everyday....
Denise MacCallum

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on March 9, 2010 at 1:38pm

Yes I have given this some thought and it is always easy to look back. I do believe that he knew he was going to pass away. We were together for the last 9 days of his life. We own a fishing lodge 5 hours from our home. His mother had broken her hip and he had come home to be with her. She was in the hospital for 91/2 weeks. So I did not have him with me for those weeks...only the last 9 days of his life. He was so lonely while we were apart. While he was home he spent a lot of time with our sons...more than he would usually. Our youngest son told me that he knew it sounded selfish but he was so glad that he had been able to spend so much time with Dad during those 91/2 weeks, as did our middle son. Our oldest son lives 3 hours from us and he told me that one day Larry phoned him 9 times. He also did a lot of things around the house that needed to be done. We were planning on tiling our stairs the landings and the basement bath. He pre-cut all the tiles for that job labeled them and put them in boxes for me to put down. He always did all the cutting and I did the installation. I still haven't started on that project, I just can't bring myself to open those boxes. He had never done laundry in his life before this past summer, but since he was here alone, he had to learn. There was not one piece of dirty laundry in the house when I came home to make arrangements for his funeral. That is the kind of man he was. I have been a widow for 7 months 7 hours and 7 minutes. This sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Permalink Reply by Carina on March 11, 2010 at 7:17pm

Hi, my husband passed away Dec. 10th/2009, three month ago. He did go out around 4:am one time, but I didn't hear him getting dress or going out. He told me the next day and he was scared, because he said that he didn't know why he did it, and he remembered walking not knowing where he was going, we both said it was dangerous and he didn't do it anymore. The Chemo at that time after about 12 Chemo treatments was doing a job on his brain instead of what it was suppose to do which was to shrink the tumour he had. He was delirious at times, and he was forgetting things, but he was traying to control his behaviour very bad, it was very sad, and still it is sad for me to remember him trying to concentrate so he didn't make any mistakes.