It took me months before I could do anything in the house. Everything was piled on the bed in the extra room and on the dinning room table. It was a mess! I walked around like a zombie, not caring or thinking. If it wasn't for the care of our little chihuahua or my mentally challenged adult son, I would have been in bed with the covers over my head. I finally started to clean......very slowly at first, room by room. Packing his things to donate per his wish to the homeless veterans home, was so hard to do! 6 large boxes went to a good cause and I'm happy I fulfilled his wish. I have one room to go and that is the storage room. I will be doing that today. Today is trash day and I placed his precious.........but very old, bowling trophies in the trash. They were very large and dust collectors. I took pictures of them and sadly threw them out. He never threw anything out and the storage room is full of things I will never use.
Like you, everyday is empty and lonely. I don't drive, so it makes it worst. I love those days when I get a call from a relative or friend to go shopping, to the movies or have a Starbucks coffee talk. I just re-joined the Y to start my water aerobics again. I stopped when my Bo was diagnosed. I feel at peace in the water, so that's good for me.
What you are feeling is very common. The life as we knew it is gone. We are lost and lonely and we are completely helpless to get the wonderful life back. We just have to do our best to make do with what's left. I wish you well..........Linda.
It's really interesting how different people react to catastrophe. My reaction was just the opposite. I packed up his clothes the day after his death. He never threw anything out, and had clothes he wore as a teenager. His winter things went to the homeless shelter in Portland Maine, his ratty, torn things to the animal shelter, and his good clothes to a thrift shop. I always told him jokingly he was going to die and leave me to get rid of it all. Joke's on me! Somehow at the back of my mind all I could see was having to pack up and move, and having no place to keep all this things. I'm glad I did it all during the shock phase, because even though at first I couldn't stop cleaning, I don't think I could do it now, just as most of you are finding it hard to get motivated. What I do now is put three or four jobs on a list to be done the next day, and just get at it! I'm usually able to finish at least three, and if cleaning out one drawer is all I can do, at least that's done.
Do you mind if I ask what your first name is? I feel like we are soul sisters and I would like to address you with your fist name.
It would be WONDERFUL if we lived close to each other. I long to sit and talk with some one who knows where I am coming from. I know a couple of widows but they have not reached out to me.
Here in Hawaii, the weather is always nice and warm, so we live in shorts and t-shirts. My Bo had sooooooooo many of them. He was always given new t-shirts (very nice ones) for his birthday and Christmas. The shirts were the hardest for me to pack. Every shirt had a memory for me. I packed up his collection of Michael Jordan high top sneakers last. He had a large collection and was always complemented on his shoes. It broke my heart when he could not wear them in the last 6 months of his life because his feet were so swollen. I kept a couple of the shirts that had special meaning for me and my favorite pair of his shoes. I also kept the last shirt he wore. I have his cologne and aftershave. I rub them on my wrist every once in a while to smell him. Yes it was hard letting go of his things, but it was his request to donate them, so I honored his wish. I felt good about that.
You must move in your own time. You will know when you're ready to do what you must. I wish I could give you a real hug, but please know you were hugged across the ocean tonight. Be well and may God Bless.......Linda
Olivia (such a petty name),
I think we are all brothers and sisters of the soul here because we are all feeling the same things and we each know the pain.
Yes, I was born and raised in this once very country, very small, sugar plantation town on the shores of Pearl Harbor. This was a town of immigrants from all over the world that were brought in to work the sugar fields. Most of them from asian countries. I'm 1/2 Filipino and 1/2 Puerto Rican. My Puerto Rican grandfather worked as a mechanic in the sugar mill. Through the years my Dad, my uncles and cousins all worked for the plantation. Sad to say that sugar production is now dead in Hawaii. My Filipino grandfather was a taylor for the immigrants. When Pearl Harbor was bombed, my Mom, who was about 11 or 12 at the time was in the doorway watching the fighters fly over her house. She was shot through her leg. She still has that scar till today. My husband was born closer to the city. He is Hawaiian, Japanese, Filipino. Hawaii is a beautiful place to live and I wouldn't live anywhere else, but it is very expensive to live in Paradise. I've never been to the East coast but from what I've seen, Florida is beautiful also. Very similar to Hawaii in climate and beauty. I have two children from a first marriage which lasted 13 years. My son, 42, is mentally challenged and lives with me. My daughter is 40, married and I have one grandson who is 21 and going to the University of Hawaii. Og course you know I have a 6 year old, long-coat chihuahua named Koapaka (brave). I think I have a picture of him somewhere on this site on the hospital bed with my husband. He was a daddy's boy and is having a hard time missing his dad just like me. Have a wonderful and blessed Sunday, Olivia..............With Warm Aloha, Linda. P.S. Whenever I go to Starbucks, I'll think of you and your daughter.
Hola Olivia! Aloha means hello and goodbye and love as in "I give you my Aloha".
We Are sisters in soul. We share spanish blood. The Portuguese were part of the large groups of immigrants that came over to work our plantations. I have many, many Portuguese friends and relatives. I come from a family of three girls. I am the eldest. We have a big family on my father's side, so I am blessed with lots of family around me. I have an Uncle in California that has leukemia. I got word last night that he is not doing well. So many of my family has had cancer. Such a horrid, horrid curse!
Your little ones are adorable!
Be well my friend....................Linda