I lost the love of my life my husband Barry June 5th, 2008. That was the worst day of my life. We had been in a car accident in Sept. 2006. We were hit from behind while we were sitting still. We both had back and neck injuries. His worse than mine. He was out of work a couple of weeks and went back but by Feb he was in so much pain they took him out of work. He was put on some pills that we thought was making him better. So after being out for 9 months he planned on going back to work. He then started passing out and they thought it was the medicine he was on. By nov. he was having a lot of neck pain so they decided to do surgery. After neck surgery he passed out again which they thought maybe the medicine was not out of his body. By Dec he was getting better and didnt pass out again until Feb. When I had to call 911 and have him taken to hospital. After 2 1/5 weeks a lot of test they told us that his heart on all were find but they thought it might be a misfuntion in the brain. They put him on a different medicine and send us home. He would be fine for about 2 weeks and pass out again. His blood pressure would drop to 50/70 sometime lower and sometimes a little higher. In March he passed out again and I thought he was chocking so I called 911 again. We then went to a different hospital where for ywo weeks they ran more tests and made him stay in bed until they thought his blood pressure was regular. They then told us that he has a condition that was not rare but very uncommon. Which to me seems the same. They wanted him to go to Duke hospital which the appointment was in April. In the mean time we took him to other doctors to check inner ear, if someone told us something that happened to them passing out and what ther problem was we would go and have it checked out. I neve thought he would not get better. We think that he hit his head on the dask board of the car with his seat belt on in the accident. They told us that when we stand up our blood goes to our feet and the brain tells it to flow back up and his was not doing that. The appointment in April went well and we left there with high hopes we would get better. The next month we would email the doctor with what was going on and he would advice us about the medicine. Then on the morning of June 5th I got my son who was 4 at the time ready to go to my moms because Barry had a doctors appointment later that day. I have fixed us breakfast, told him I would be back to help him take a shower. He told me he was going to go lay on the bed and do his exercises for his back and neck. Told Jacob nd muself how much he loved us and do be careful. I told him I would be back soon. My older son who was in 8 th grade came home and called me. I ask him where his dad was and he said a sleep on the bed. I knew something was not right because Barry had not been sleeping good and had not slept during the day in a while. I first I thought maybe he had passed out. I told Andrew to try and wake him up and he said he could not. I told him to hang up and call 911. I called my neighborto go over and check. All the way home I knew in my heart he was gone. I cried, hit the sterring wheel and screamed in the car please do not let this be happening. I got home the fire dept. was ther and I saw my son and the neighbor run out of the house. I ran into the house to find a friend of ours from the fire dept. there. I was screaming wher is Barry and he said Kim he is gone I said no I have to see him he tried to talk me out of going into the room but I went anyway. It was so bad. A lot of it is a blurr. I do remember running out of the house and falling to the ground. We live in a smaller town news travels fast. We are blessed with so many friends and family. I think there were about 30 people who showed up that afternoon to comfort my family. Because he passed away at home they had to send someone out to talk to us. I lost my soul mate that day. We have been together for 24 years. We were together most of the time. He was a baseball coach, basketball coach and boy scout leader for our older son. We talked on the phone though out the day if we were not together. We talked about everything and he could always calm me down if I was upset. We never got into fights. Some people find that hard to believe but we decided not to sweat the small things in life Things came up we would talk about it and make a decision together. People who know us say we had the perfect marriage. I would say maybe not perfect but close enough. We had so much respect for each other which I think is missing in so mant marriages today. A friend once told someone if we ever split up everyone else would be in trouble with there relationship. I miss talking to him, laughing at our inside jokes, hugging and kissing him. Even when his back hurt and he could not hardly walk he would still come up grap me in the rear and laugh. Even the day before he passed away we had spent the whole day at home (which I never did because taken kids to different events.) he would still come up to me kiss me and hug me like he did that day. I fixed Mexican that night which was one of our favorite ( our first meal on our first date) we sang Happy Birthday to his step-dad on the phone. Talk to his brother and his mom. I miss him so much and so do our kids. He was the best father and husband I could have ever ask for. My heart is broken and I dont think it will ever be the same. If it was not for our kids I would stay in bed everyday. Everyone says you are so strong you can get though it. Well without the grace of God I would not have made it this far. So most days I put on my mask of surviving on go out to face this world. I know he would want me do for the kids. We have been blessed with great friends and family but most of them have know idea what it has been like. The pain, grieve , all the paper work the pain deep in your chest that it hurts so bad. I have had a few panic attacks which I have never had before. I still cry when I talk about him passing. I still see people who do not know he is gone. Having to tell what happened to so many people is heart breaking. I stayed in the house for a while after it happened because no matter where I go I see people we know. One thing that everyone always says is he was such a great man . Teenagers say he was one of the greatest fathers they know. I always knew he was but hearing people say it you know others saw in him what you saw everyday.

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Sorry it was so long I didn't realized how much I typed but it did feel good. Thanks for listening.


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