Just lossed my wife of 10 + years and together for over 19 years. She died on mar. 20th. She was diagnosed with cancer in oct. I am having a hard time coping with her death. It feels like part of my heart has been ripped out and i can't sleep at all and in it now tues. Since sat i probably slept 3 good peaceful hours. It is 4:25 am as i write this.

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thanks tom for responding. My wife was 46 when she died. Her birthday was mar 11th. I am just having a very hard time i just keep thinking and cant sleep. I really need help.
bill
first i would like to give my sympathy on your loss. i lost my husband on 3/1/09 i would have been married 35 years. i still have a hard time coping with his death in the begining i could not sleep until this day i am still having problems sleeping yes part of your heart was torn from you. the one thing i have is his picture on my cell phone and everytime i open it i see his picture. it is not him and part of him people say it gets better but i am sorry i do not beleive it. i miss my husband so much. i went to see a therpist and she helped me in the beginning i could cry all i want yell and do what ever i want to. i found this web site and it has helped me do not get in a depression wrong to get into
Sorry for your loss to kathy and thank you also for your response. I came on here early this morning becuase i didn't want to wake someone so early in the morning. I need to get thru this because i do have our 14 year old son to raise. I like talking about what happened i it eases my mind a bit. I rested a little and feel a little better now. I know i have a long raod ahead of me. Funeral is tomorrow it will be hard, but there is a lot of support. My sister lost her husband in nov as well from cancer and i just talked to her. I am going to her house for supper tonight
Hi Bill,
My thoughts and prayers are with you...I lost my husband of 40 years last October 09...He was just 61...I still can't believe that he is gone....We had so much to look forward to our daughter and our beautiful grandchildren...I hate the fact that he won't see them grow up....I still cry everyday because I miss him so much...I also have someone who can relate to my situation...My dear friend lost her husband to cancer 3 months after mine...We see each other alot...People seem to think that because it's been 5 months my life should be wonderful...Just get on and move forwards...Not that easy...I wish that I could take your pain away but it's something that all of us are dealing with...I know that you will miss your wife everyday and question why...It's the lonliness that is so hard for me to deal with..I will be here if you need a friend...Denise MacCallum
bill said:
Sorry for your loss to kathy and thank you also for your response. I came on here early this morning becuase i didn't want to wake someone so early in the morning. I need to get thru this because i do have our 14 year old son to raise. I like talking about what happened i it eases my mind a bit. I rested a little and feel a little better now. I know i have a long raod ahead of me. Funeral is tomorrow it will be hard, but there is a lot of support. My sister lost her husband in nov as well from cancer and i just talked to her. I am going to her house for supper tonight
Bill, my heart goes out to you and anyother family members. Having swimmed in that lake of sorrow that you are in. I know the pain and hurt that you are felling. I lost my wife in September 2006, a day has not pasted that I don't think about and miss her. After 17 years of love and many ups and down we always made it a habit to never go to sleep with an unbalanced feeling. The weekend prior to my wife death (3 days after our anniversary and 7 days before her birthday), we had talked about our love for each other and how we had reached a stage in our life where we could really enjoy things such as traveling and entertaining like we wanted.

I must admit Bill, it's not an easy process. Many people will tell you they unstand what you are going through but they don't unless they have experienced the lost.

I don't know what your spiritual condition/situation is but for me, even professing to be a Christian I had to really lean on my faith, eventhough sometime I wanted to give up because I felt I have lived a good christian life and done the right things in life about people and family, I felt at the peak of my relationship with my wife, this should have never happen, so I became sad and even mad/angry.

During those darkest hours I had no one whom I though would understand what I was going through. If you can, seek counseling.

As for sleep, I understand you Brother. I chose 1 Advil PM when I got in bed and after about a 2-3 weeks and depending on my faith I was able to at least get a little rest. But I thing the void will always be. Maybe we could chat
Is it possible yet for you to experience that you have entered a sacred time of your life? I remember what a blur those first days and weeks were for me, after Bonnie died, how strange it was to be without her, and how comforting it was to have friends and family around. I'm also aware how my feelings changed from day to day. And now I look back on that as a time when I was experiencing my love for Bonnie as intensely as I ever did.

You say you're doing a lot of thinking in the middle of the night; maybe you're like a lot of people who need to figure things out. Can you give yourself a break and accept that you just don't need to figure things out right now? There's something beneficial in just allowing the world and your feelings to be exactly the way they are for a while. That will be a useful model for your son, as well, showing him that his own feelings are natural, and can be welcomed as the way his love for his mother feels now.

I hope you'll come back and let us know how you're doing; there are a lot of people who have been down a road much like yours.

All the best,

Paul Bennett
www.lovinggrief.com
The love of my life would've turned 69 on Monday, 29th. He died 1-14-06 and I still miss him so very much, every day. We were together 24yrs and they were great years. Loosing him has been the hardest thing I've ever done...the more you love someone, the deeper the grief and the harder the loss. I've done so many things to help me put one foot in front of the other, to build a life without my sweet Joe...and after all this time the pain still cuts deep...it just gets easier with time. Grieving is all about the living, the things you won't ever do together again (weddings/grandchildren/college graduations/family vacations/wedding anniversaries), all the plans you'd both made that won't come to fruition. I've been ANGRY at God, wondered aloud (TG I live out in the country) WHY he would take half my heart. WHY would he bring me such a beautiful man and then rip him away from me. Tried to find answers, attended both group and private counseling and had so much support from friends and family. The death of a long-time spouse turns your world upside down...pulls the rug literally out from underneath you. It's HARD to get to the place that there aren't ANY answers. I've built a balanced life now, but I still miss Joe every day. Because of/from all the help from everyone, I can wake up each morning now and NOT say "starting another day without you my love" or lay down at night and whisper "I've made it through another day without you next to me". I can now smile most times I remember our life together and appreciate that his legacy was our life! Our kids & their kids and all those wonderful memories. Most days I can do this and I now thank God for giving me those wonderful memories. And looking back, I can do this more days than not. I still send/bring flowers to his grave as often as I can including holidays, birthday, Father's Day, anniversaries. And while there are still tears at the visit, I now can leave with smiles. For all of you who come here for some advice, for some help with the pain...that awful hurt that RIPS your gut out and you never think you're going to recover. You do. It's a process and we all do it different. Unfortunately, we must ALL DO IT. Everyone here that reads your notes, your emails feels your pain. We've walked in your shoes. We've been burned or tatooed with that sisterhood/brotherhood of pain. Feel your pain, help your children feel their pain. KNOW that your pain is part of the process, it's a natural thing because you loved. GB everyone here, if you don't already know how much your words of comfort, your shoulder albeit via cyberspace...is one of the most important gifts you can give. GB you all...
Bill,
A part of your heart has been ripped out. I lost my husband two years ago to cancer and I still have an empty place in my chest where my heart used to be. I wish I could tell you something that would help you at this moment, but the truth is someone you loved who was your partner in life is no longer with you. I have yet to really get on with my life. I go to work, and go through the motions, but I will never be the same. My daughters keep me going. I know they need me and I have to be strong for them. I hope your pain will ease and that you can begin to appreciate the fact that you were loved by someone special.
Bill
I am so sorry for your loss. Today is a very hard day for you. Your son needs you as much as you need him. In the days to comes lean on each other and talk to each other about your grief. It is okay to laugh. Remember when Mom.....that was so funny. You have a long road ahead and I encourage you to keep coming back here where it is safe and people understand. Do what is right for you and not what everyone else thinks you should do. They are well meaning but can't understand unless they have gone through losing a spouse. You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care Yvonne
Thank you all for responding. You are in my heart as well. After reading all of these and seeing what my sister is going thru even with time it will never be the same again. I am writing this the morning of the funeral, hopefully my friends and family will get me thru this. My son is wonderful, we talked last night and he made me feel better. He still doesn't talk about it much yet, doesn't want to upset anyone. He really doesn't want to go to school now, all his classmates know and he doesn't want them to feel sorry for him when he goes back.
We'll be praying for you and your son today.You would think today is the worst day of your life.Then there's tomorrow to get through and the next!And on and on.It seems like it will never get better.But it will.It will never be the same but it will get better.The gut wrenching pain will turn into a constant ache.The sadness lingers and you will have bouts of crying.Oh,Let's not forget the guilt!The ugly little monster that creeps into your brain.Trust me ,when you think you can't go on,You will!!You will survive.We'll be here for you when you need to vent.Maybe your son could benefit from the loss of a parent website at legacy.Hope you find some peace,Kathy

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