does anyone feel very confused as in is this a dream or was my whole life with them a dream, and in actual sleep dreams when they are there you want to stay and not wake up because it is much better than reality?? vicki

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SOMETIMES it is agood thing and other times i wake up and want to go back to the dream world so i can "get him back" wake very depressed.
I now exactly what you mean. I find it very hard to imagine my Bo walking, talking, laughing and loving in our home. It scares me. How can that be? He was here for 29 years.
I think we all struggle with the reality that is ours. We all wish we could just close that door on our lives like it never happened. Today I am going through some papers for the lodge from last August. I am finding this really hard to do. Larry passed at the lodge on August 9. I think yup August 5 i still had him with me and little did I know that only 4 days later my life would change forever. I am sitting here crying as I write this. How did I get here? I am jealous when I see happy couples together, that is not fair to them, they deserve their happiness. I just think of all that I have lost. I sometimes feel so lost. I am putting on a brave front and going through the motions, but my heart is broken. I want to carry on and open the lodge this spring but at the same time I am afraid. I have hired staff for the season, arranged the date that we will go up and open the lodge, but at the same time I know there will be many long lonely sleepless nights. That is what I am most afraid of I think, the loneliness. I will have all kinds of people staying there but at night I am still alone. Thanks for listening.
Take care Yvonne
I'm afraid of the loneliness, too. As much as I miss Gary the person, I know that I also miss being married. I've only been alone for 5 weeks, and already the difference is huge. I want to tell him things and I need his opinion. It's so hard to do it alone. I'm not looking for a replacement but I feel a little like I'm losing my mind and I'm so alone in my thoughts.
I've only had a couple of dreams about him and they weren't all good.
I took so many photos of Gary in our time together that I couldn't possibly say it wasn't real, but I miss being happy so much.
i agree with all of you its been 4 months and i just want to hear his voice and feel his hugs again.i sleep with a couple of his shirts,they used to smell like him but after 4 months his scent has wore off. i dont like weekends cause they would be family time now its so lonely.the girls keep me busy but i want my best friend back, i have a feeling spring and summer will be very very hard john loved our yard and gardens and most his farm. cant get used to this,dont want to ,just want my life back which should include my husband john

itsColleen said:
I'm afraid of the loneliness, too. As much as I miss Gary the person, I know that I also miss being married. I've only been alone for 5 weeks, and already the difference is huge. I want to tell him things and I need his opinion. It's so hard to do it alone. I'm not looking for a replacement but I feel a little like I'm losing my mind and I'm so alone in my thoughts.
I've only had a couple of dreams about him and they weren't all good.
I took so many photos of Gary in our time together that I couldn't possibly say it wasn't real, but I miss being happy so much.

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