Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on April 7, 2010 at 3:58pm

I do the same thing every Sunday. Last Sunday at 6:35 A.M. it was 34 weeks that my husband of 38 years passed away. I too never got to say good bye. It is hard to think of them never coming back, never to hear their voice again, never to have the big hugs...all the things that we shared. I think we will always miss them terribly. The questions are the same that we have all asked ourselves a million times. There are no easy solutions. We all have to grieve, each in our own way. Take your time and don't let anyone rush you through this. Unless they have experienced the loss of a spouse they can't understand the depth of your grief. I talked to a friend the other day that lost her first husband 25 years ago. She still has a tear in her eye when she talks about him. We will always hold them close to our heart. I am sorry you are having a bad day. You are amongst friends here and we understand.
Take care Yvonne

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on April 7, 2010 at 4:09pm

I am very sorry for your loss. My husband died 8 months ago and I still cry when I think about him, but not everytime I think about him. And the crying doesn't last for hours -- I am now down to minutes. So know that what you are going through is very normal -- unfair and painful, but something all of us here has gone or going through. It is called "grief" -- we will have a different experience with this emotion on individual levels, but it all boils down to this. Grief is grief, it sucks, it hurts, but we all get through it at our own pace. Cry as much as you need to, hit something, scream, let it out. And just know that all of us on this site are in the same place and we all understand what you are feeling. This is a safe place -- use it.

In peace,

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by Anita Simmons on April 8, 2010 at 3:59pm

I wish I could say it'll get better soon. Oct 26, 2009 my fiance passed away from an airplane crash while coming back from a hunting trip. The last time I saw him was Oct 23, 2009 at 4 a.m. as I sent off on that trip. I never got to say goodbye and the family won't even allow me any of his ashes. They also are spreading his ashes on the ranch he worked on yet have forbidden me from going onto the ranch anymore so I can't even sit by him and just talk with him as some do at a grave site. I still cry every day, still wear his shirts to bed, still have all his clothes in the closet etc. Grief has it's own way of working itself out and it takes a long time. The mind never forgets and every time it remembers something whether good or bad it's like having a knife stabbed in the heart again and your gut start feeling sick. It does get easier in time but it's like filling a pool up 1 drop at a time. It's a slow process. I don't want to sugar coat for it does no good to you and I hope I'm not sounding cruel. I've been seeking an end to all the hurt and pain myself and everything I try doesn't work, that's when I realized I just need to be patient. I have asked God on many occasions to take away the pain or take me yet I keep waking up every morning and my auto-pilot turns on and I go to work. My heart and prayers are with you. Keep writing on here. It helps

Permalink Reply by Hurting on April 8, 2010 at 7:46pm

Anita I am so sorry for you. At least you have his memories, his clothes, hopefully pictures and video recordings. My husband's ashes are in funeral home right now as my religion doesn't allow me to bring it home. I would be taking them straight to holy river. I have his towel that he used last time still hanging behind the door. His clothes that he wore a night ago still behind the door. His drawer his still as he left it, so is his other stuff. During loss of this magnitude I don't think one would even be able to connect with someone who doesn't understand. People try to console me without understanding my grief is so very personal. My husband left me without saying good bye. He left no forwarding address or contact #. He will never phone me, hug me, talk to me or just have a cup of tea with me. Sorry Anita my intention was to make you feel better. Please believe me that your fiancée is not in those ashes. He is with you in his shirts, your memories and he does love you still. I know in my heart that my husband didn't leave me willingly, neither did your fiancée.

Permalink Reply by Kim Hawkins on April 8, 2010 at 8:51pm

Anita I know this most be so hard. I think you should make your on memory garden for him where you can go talk to him be close. I am going to make one here at our house in the back yard. I am going to put memory stones that my kids and I make. My 6 year old came up with the idea of having a covered box there with paper and pen so anyone can write a note to my husband and there father when they want too. I thought it was a great idea. Maybe this would help you if you can find a place to have this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on April 8, 2010 at 11:23pm

7 months for me. Yes, I am very lonely and yes I still cry. Like Brigitte, my tears come less and not as intense, but the pain in my heart is there 24/7 and I know it will always be there. I pray time will be kind to you.

Permalink Reply by Dee on April 12, 2010 at 6:51pm

Hi,
I know how you feel. I lost my husband of 28 years, to a brain aneurysm 5 weeks ago, he was 48. I am lost, we have 12 kids and some of them are still very young. It is so hard when my youngest (8 years old) comes to me crying saying "I just need one more hug from my dad" It is so hard to keep a dry eye (it isn't very often that I can)
Thank god for my kids, they keep my mind busy for the most part. I am thankful I found this site because I feel like I am in a bad nightmare. Dee

Permalink Reply by Hurting on March 8, 2012 at 9:22pm

I was counting days then and I am counting them now.