You are on the path of grief and at the beginning of that path. You will feel like you are in a dream for quite a while, but it will pass as time goes on. My husband died in July 2009 and I find it almost unreal when I realize that nine months have gone by already since the day I said good-bye to my best friend and spouse. I just had the Celebration of Life for Douglas this past Saturday and a good time was had by all. We laughed, cried, sent balloons off into the sky, ate great food and danced to the oldies. Douglas was a veteran as well and the ceremony he had was great. Marine color guard, 21-gun salute, and taps. He is buried at the national VA cemetary in Washington state.
You will get through this, but don't rush yourself. Give yourself time to cry, to feel the pain and loss, and the time to miss him. Just know that everyone of us on this site has been where you are and we still feel the same pain you are going through right now. What I can say for me is this: I cry but not as often or for as long, I still feel the pain and loss but have been able to take baby steps toward discovering my new normal, and I miss Douglas every day. That will never go away -- but I smile more then cry now -- memories keep me going. In time you will start to remember all the goofy things and you will smile and maybe cry at the same time. Let us know how you are doing and we will listen and offer support. We are friends here -- and there are a lot of us!! I will be thinking of you on Saturday.
Maria, I'm so sorry. I truly understand how you are feeling right now. God will give you the strength to endure Saturday, as well as the days, weeks, months, years to come. I wish I was dreaming as well. My husband passed away 2/7/09. Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org we can exchange numbers for support.