Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on April 26, 2010 at 10:49am

Hi Sharon
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack August 9, 2009. If I told you it would get better, I would only be kidding you and myself. I think all we can hope for is to become accustomed to our new life. I too find it difficult to be alone, like you I have never lived alone. When I go out I usually don't stay our too long, maybe a couple of hours and then wonder why I was in such a rush to come home to a big empty house. I am so lonesome, as I am sure you are too. I still cry often but maybe for not as long. At least I don't cry all day long anymore as I did in the beginning.
You have come to the right place to pour out your feelings. Here we all understand what you are going through. You can say anything here without fear of being judged.
Take care Yvonne

Permalink Reply by Connie on April 26, 2010 at 10:55am

Sharon, it has been almost 6 months since I lost my husband. The crying has not stopped. The hurting has not gotten any better. Thank God for the time you had with him. I understand how you feel being alone. I, too, had never lived alone in my life and I absolutely hate it. I wish there was something that I could say that would make you feel better but if there is, I sure don't know it. I have three daughters, two are married and have their own families and the third is away at college. They all call me several times a day and if I don't answer my phone, they start to panic. They are great but they have their own lives and are doing their own grieving. I can't burden them with my problems. So I try to deal with life and I go to the cemetery every day to be with my husband if just for a few minutes. The one comfort that we do have is this website because everyone here understands just what you are feeling. May God Bless You and give you strength.

Permalink Reply by Deb on April 26, 2010 at 11:26am

Hi Sharon,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel! I just passed the ten-month mark of my losing my fiance, June 20, 2009. Just this morning I was driving to the jewelers to have a new battery put in my watch. I heard a song on the radio that my Junior sang . . about the only song he ever sang! My tears just started to flow . . I had no control over it. I like you feel that I should have better control, but have learned differently! My Junior was on hospice for less than a month. Neither of us have natural children-we have no children together. Life alone is so very lonely! He and I spent every minute together . . we had such a great life, and so many wonderful things ahead of us. I, like Connie, go to the cemetery every day to talk to my Junior, if only for a few minutes. Wow, how I miss him, his smile, his loving touch, his kind heart!! If it gets better, I haven't gotten there yet. Please know how each of us understand your feelings. I've not grown accustomed to the "new normal" in my life . . I certainly don't like it, but ask God to give me the strength daily to do the best I can. I hope you have a better day today! May God bless you and all of us!

Permalink Reply by Janice Kelly on April 26, 2010 at 1:27pm

Dear Sharon..........Like Debbie, I lost my husband on 2/14/10. We were married 46 years and he was the love of my life. The pain is actually physical. I know what you mean about a big, empty house. I carry his picture from room to room throughout the day, and I sleep with it at night. I have never been alone either. We did everything together...doctor appts., food shopping, etc. I know how much you are hurting. Will it get better? I hope so, but I don't know either. All I know is that I have been through some very painful situations in the past that I wasn't sure I would ever survive, but I did, and each one of them made me stronger. Those survivals make me, at least hopeful, that things will get better this time also. When??? That's another question.........My grandson brought me these words of wisdom. I hope it gives some hope........jan
"You never know how strong you are...until being strong is the Only choice you have."

Permalink Reply by heather on April 26, 2010 at 1:44pm

I lost my husband of 15 yrs on March 26th,2010. I am alone at 61 yrs old and disabled. I never knew what living alone would be like, I too am struggling without his presence everyday. I always wanted to die before him but the choice was up to God, Instead I want to celebrate his life and know he was a special person and won't be forgotten. Just know you are not alone, you have the memories and don't feel bad when you need to cry because it will make you stronger. Take care my friend, smile, dream, and hold on to those memories they are yours and yours alone God Bless

Permalink Reply by Deb on April 26, 2010 at 1:51pm

There is an article in the "Learn" section of Legacy that I just read titled "Time Doesn't Heal - Actions Do". This is a "must read" to me for all of us! It is directed to us so much and speaks volumes. Maybe this will be a comfort for each of you - it certainly helped me a little. God bless!

Permalink Reply by sharon on April 26, 2010 at 5:17pm

Oh I feel so bad for everyone here, I was married 3 months short of 45 years. March 30 was to be our anny. I had to get through his birthday, March the 6th, then our anny, then Easter. I use to love the 30th of anything, isn't it funny how I was born on the 30th, we got married on the 30th, he died on the 30th?? I don't know anymore I have so many mixed emotions.
I go to his grave knowing he isn't there but the body of the man I loved for 45 years, held, kissed, it's there. OMG I'm sorry here I am losing it again. Thank you all for your thoughfulness and caring.

Janice Kelly said:

Dear Sharon..........Like Debbie, I lost my husband on 2/14/10. We were married 46 years and he was the love of my life. The pain is actually physical. I know what you mean about a big, empty house. I carry his picture from room to room throughout the day, and I sleep with it at night. I have never been alone either. We did everything together...doctor appts., food shopping, etc. I know how much you are hurting. Will it get better? I hope so, but I don't know either. All I know is that I have been through some very painful situations in the past that I wasn't sure I would ever survive, but I did, and each one of them made me stronger. Those survivals make me, at least hopeful, that things will get better this time also. When??? That's another question.........My grandson brought me these words of wisdom. I hope it gives some hope........jan
"You never know how strong you are...until being strong is the Only choice you have."

Permalink Reply by Dotti on April 26, 2010 at 5:49pm

Sharon
How funny that your special days fell on the 30th. Our's was the 16th. Donnies bday, our oldest daughter was born on the 16 and we married on the 16. Im sorry tht you are hurting so much today. We all know exactly what you are going thru. This was crazy. I was at bingo and out of no where the tears fly. Still dont know why. Anyone else have this in common? take care Dotti

Permalink Reply by Kim Hawkins on April 26, 2010 at 9:02pm

How i miss Barry so much. Our anniversary was Aug. 22. The number 22 was our number we used it alot. After my husband passed away our son who was 14 at the time decided to play football for the first time. He plays a lot of other sports. The day of our ann. he got his jersey and it was the number 22. I knew it was a sign that my husband would be there with him. My husband had coached baseball and basketball and would have been helping if he were here. When the games started four of their games ended with a score of 22 to something. A friend of mine would just look at each other at the end of the game and we would look at the score board with a tear in our eyes. She looked at me and said yes Barry was here today.

Permalink Reply by Cindy Boivin on April 26, 2010 at 9:28pm

Hi, my name is Cindy and I know how all of you feel and my heart goes out to all of you. It will me 9 months on the 27 that my husband passed away, we were married 33 yrs. Some days the pain is still so unbearable, I pray each day to have the strength to get through this. I do beleive all of our husbands are watching over giving us the love and strength we need with God and we will see them again one day when we all return home but they obviously had to go ahead and set things ready for when God decides to bring us home but we will be in their arms again where there will be no pain or tears and we all need to hang on to that and try to enjoy the rest of our journey here. God bless all of you and you are in my prayers

Permalink Reply by Hurting on April 26, 2010 at 10:59pm

Hi! Everytime I come here I hurt so bad for all of us, everyday it is just me who is hurting all the time but when I come to this forum all of you are hurting just as bad as I am. My husband passed away on Dec 23, 2009, it was Wednesday. This April 23 it was 4 months and last Wednesday it was 17 weeks. Does it get any easier, right now 'No', because right now my hopes of him coming back have to dash first. I hurt all the time but make a point of talking about him with my sons specially my 15 year old, who is worried that he might forget his dad. Told him that his dad is forever in him and somedays he might think more somedays less but won't forget. For me in the beginning I kept on hoping for him to walk in any day, I hoped that every day was just part of nightmare but I still haven't snapped out of it so must be real. All of us will learn one day to live with the memories which are part of us. Pain is going to be a part of life but all of us have to learn to smile in memory of our loved one. Think of something funny or something caring that they did just for you. That is where your love is now in every single memory. Every morning I pray that I am strong enough to handle all this and I also pray for all of you because you all are part of my pain friends. God bless all of us.

Permalink Reply by sharon on April 27, 2010 at 8:10am

Dear heather,
Thank you so much for sharing, I feel so welcome here and we are all in the same place in our lives, lost, hurting, crying, missing. I am alone as far as living alone, it's so strange, I'm 66 years old, never knew what it was like to not have someone beside me in life. I almost don't remember one day without my Lloyd in my life. I knew him for 47 years. We were married 3 months short of 45 years, he WAS my life. He still IS my life. Going to the grave helps some but leaving OMG I feel like I'm leaving him there alone. My second oldest son called me the other morning, he had his Dad on his mind and needed to talk. I listen and he reminded me of things that I had not thought of in quite awhile. But the way he looked at them now was wonderful. Lloyd was a good man, he left many memory's for us all to share. I know my kids are hurting but I try to let them know there is still something normal in their lifes. They go home to their house, their kids, wife, girfriend, husband, all is as was. My life here will never be normal again, never. I have a house Lloyd bought me, it's paid for, what now? My daughter wanted me to move in with her, I know they are trying to help but leaving here it's like losing Lloyd all over again, we lived here 41 years. There is no room for me in anyone elses house, I belong here but I am so lonely. Crying? Well, that's just part of my daily rountine. I pray that God tells Lloyd how much I love him cause I ask God everyday to please let him know I still do and always will. Take care my friends, I thank God I found this site to come to.

heather said:

I lost my husband of 15 yrs on March 26th,2010. I am alone at 61 yrs old and disabled. I never knew what living alone would be like, I too am struggling without his presence everyday. I always wanted to die before him but the choice was up to God, Instead I want to celebrate his life and know he was a special person and won't be forgotten. Just know you are not alone, you have the memories and don't feel bad when you need to cry because it will make you stronger. Take care my friend, smile, dream, and hold on to those memories they are yours and yours alone God Bless