Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Hurting on May 5, 2010 at 10:04pm

I completely agree with you Lois. I have seen my sister in law talking so rudely and impatiently to my brother in law and he stays quiet. I just stay quiet wondering what kind of memories are they creating. My husband use to always meet me at the door when I came home in the evening. He would have tea ready and wait for me so that we could have it together. He was very good with saying 'I love you' to me and the boys at every conversation. At least that's one complaint that none of us have today, we know that he loved us all. But none of us wanted him to go right now.

Lois Taitague said:

I wish every couple could read this who does not take advantage now of the time they have to do and say those things before it's too late. I'm constantly reminding my grand daughter, who gets so frustrated with her man because he is young and immature, that one day he could just not be here, and then would those things be so very important? Mark made a point of always saying goodbye when either of us left, and never, ever leaving anything unsettled between us even for an hour. I'm so glad we said everything we had to say to each other, and that I never said anything to him to make him feel less than a man who was loved and valued completely. I'm sure if he had known he was dying he would have said goodbye, but to tell you the truth I hope he lost consciousness before he realized what was happening.

Permalink Reply by Connie on May 5, 2010 at 10:56pm

Oh boy, the "what if's" again. The poem is beautiful and so very appropriate to all of us. Unfortunately, too many couples worry about material things and don't take the time to enjoy each other. I think that was an advantage that my husband and I had by growing up in the time that we did. We had a great marriage but that is not to say that we didn't have disagreements from time to time. We never went to bed at night angry with each other. We never had a problem telling each other that we loved them so very much at any time, any day and wherever we were. I think if more people took the time to say "I love you" when they can, maybe there would not be so much divorce today. I should have known what was happening to my husband and not left him alone at the hospital that night. Had I stayed, I would have been there to hold him when he passed. I cannot forgive myself for not knowing. It will be 6 months on Sunday that I lost him. It is no easier now than it was then. I miss him so very much. He knew that I loved him very much but I just wish I could have told him just one more time.

Permalink Reply by Chris B on May 6, 2010 at 12:32am

Lois - Dan and I were very much like you and Mark. Not a day would go by that we didn't tell each other that we loved or adored each other, or that we were glad we had each other. I don't have a single doubt in my mind that he loved me, and I have no doubt in my mind that he knew how much I loved him. And I know he would have said goodbye if he thought he was dying... I was holding his hand when he lost consciousness, and part of me hopes that he never regained consciousness in the ambulance so he never had a chance to know what was happening.

Lois Taitague said:

Mark made a point of always saying goodbye when either of us left, and never, ever leaving anything unsettled between us even for an hour. I'm so glad we said everything we had to say to each other, and that I never said anything to him to make him feel less than a man who was loved and valued completely. I'm sure if he had known he was dying he would have said goodbye, but to tell you the truth I hope he lost consciousness before he realized what was happening.

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on May 6, 2010 at 12:52pm

One more hour,one more day,It still wouldn't be enough!!!We would all want more!Why beat yourself up.No regrets.The day before my husband died ,we both worked 1/2 a day then attended a funeral.I met him at the funeral home.I got there and spotted him first,so I just stood there watching him look for me and scan the crowd.When he turned his head and saw me his face lit up!!I'll always remember that smile!What could be sweeter than that!

Permalink Reply by Colleen on May 6, 2010 at 3:36pm

I've had this very thought so many times in the 10 1/2 weeks since my Gary died, but I know he loved me and he knows that I love him still. We told each other every single day, many, many times. We enjoyed having great discussions about many things and sometimes (this was always funny) just as I was getting his "ire" up, I would giggle and say "I love you!". He would laugh and smile at me. We played like that a lot. I had learned after my first marriage ended in divorce to never quit flirting and never take him for granted. And I miss him so so much. It's so important to nurture the relationships that you have.

Permalink Reply by Sandy on May 9, 2010 at 11:31am

Lois I so sorry honey. It happened so fast when he turned he had been talking normally to me one minute and the next they were wheeling out to ICU. I know in my heart he was saying goodbye the only way he could. They said he was gone and took all the equipment off he kept breathing for awhile and tears where coming out of his eyes. I asked him to please be my guardian angel for ever. Sandy from Wy

Mark made a point of always saying goodbye when either of us left, and never, ever leaving anything unsettled between us even for an hour. I'm so glad we said everything we had to say to each other, and that I never said anything to him to make him feel less than a man who was loved and valued completely. I'm sure if he had known he was dying he would have said goodbye, but to tell you the truth I hope he lost consciousness before he realized what was happening