I have reached a total crossroad.John and I were together for 22yrs before we finally got married.Three months later he was diagnosed with stage4 lung cancer.10 months later he died.Looking back on it all seems like a dream but the reality of the fact that he is REALLY gone FOREVER takes my breath away.I am now a 47yr old widow.Never in a million years did I ever think this would happen to us.I try very hard to go on and am quite successful at putting on a happy face but the reality is,I feel as though I have been amputated.

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Tracie, my husband died on 11/20/09..it too was very sudden. I was making breakfast and he took a shower..when I came into the room I thought he was sleeping..needless to say that was not the case. He died of an aortic dissection. He had spent the Tues. night in the hospital and they released him Wed. around 4pm.We went to dinner had a nice evening on Wed. got up Thurs. morning and he died.
I too feel the same way you feel..it takes my breath away to believe Mike is not coming back. I go to work everyday and make it through, but from the time I get into the car to drive home until I go back to work is misery. I feel like screaming sometimes..I get tired of smiling and the whole world thinks things are getting better..they are not getting better for me. I suppose it easier for some people to think life is ok for me now, but its not..not even close. Each day of my life has become a living hell. I do try and I do manage, but to be honest I am reaching a point I just don't want to live in this misery. There has to be some reason we have to suffer and hurt so much..I just can't figure it out.
Tracie I to know the feeling. My husband Barry has been gone 23 months and 9 days. I woke up this morning crying. My heart was hurting so bad. I miss him so much. When I think he is not coming back my heart breaks all over again. People think only holidays are hard but everyday the little things are very hard too. We have a 16 and 6 years old sons. Yesterday we went and picked up a car that I bought for our 16 year old. That was something we would have done together. Everyday is so hard. I put my happy face on and go face the world. If it was not for my kids I would just stay in bed everyday. Barry and I dated almost 7 years and were married almost 16 yars when he passed away. When you have had the person by your side for almost 24 years helping you make the right decisions for your family it is hard to do it by your self. I wis I would wake up from the night mare and Barry would be here healthy and happy. Take care. God bless every one today.
hi lynn my name is charlotte ,i just lost my husband 3 weeks ago,he suffered from esophageal cancer for 2 1/2 years, they didn't think he was going to make it that long, so they say i should be grateful i even had him around that lenght of time,but no i was selfish and wanted to be his caregiver for how ever long he didn't have to be in pain. and yes it certainly isn't getting easier,i'm also dying inside, and everyday is as bad as the day that he passed, if not worst. so i do understand where you are coming from lynn, i also understand how it is when a loved one dies suddenly, i lost my father that way, he was hit by a car and died on impact,that was 18 yrs ago and you don't ever forget, but for some reason it did get easier. do you have any children? i have 3 sons, and a wonderful daughter-in-law and my 2 grandaughters, but still even though i have them, and i'm grateful,i still lost more than half of me, and they can't bring him back.i am so sorry also for your loss lynn or anyone else on the network, no matter how we lose them,it makes no different,how bad the pain is that we endure, the fact is there not here with us anymore. one thing i do ,is email him every morning with my coffee and save it . eventually i'm going to have my son print them out for me . by doing that i feel as though he is here with me , and it helps to also talk to him even while we are crying. lynn,tracie , i think it would be good if we can keep in touch with one another,and release what ever we are feeling i know for me it would help some, unfortunally, we are all on the same wave lenght here, hope you get back to me. char
tracie: sorry for your loss. i was with my husband for 35 years in july 09 he passed 3/1/09 total shock because he was not sick he did not beleive in going to doctors. we all have to put on a happy face but when we go to our own home we can pretend no more i never thought i would be without george but it happened so fast he had a massive heart attack you are very young widow i am a 63 year old widow i had my life you are just begining yours. take care
Amen Tracie, at time I wouldn't say a word, I would smile and make it seen like
everything is ok.

My husband have been gone for 3 years he was diagnoed with Acute Luekemia,
he live for two months. Man, was I hurt, you talking about hurt!

So, I pray each and every second for the Lord to give me strength, to keep my
mind clear.
I try to be positive about what life have for me. I'm going to keep praying for all
of you also.
i was with my husband 15 years and never thought I would be a widow. It's so hard to wake up every morning and know i have to face the day without seeing his face, cooking for him, talking to him and loving him. Fortunately we said we loved each other every day. Life is short, I will see him someday again but here and now i have to go on. I cry when I hear the songs we liked or see happy people together families having fun, but I have to go on.
Charlotte
If it weren`t for my faith,there would be nothing left for me.I can only believe God has a plan for all of this.I look back on things-that I was a nurses aide for over 20yrs which gave me the ability to take care for my husband until the end.Without that experience,I would never have been able to care for him at home.Every event has led to this day-I just never thought this day would be today:)

charlottemosby82@hotmail.com said:
Amen Tracie, at time I wouldn't say a word, I would smile and make it seen like
everything is ok.

My husband have been gone for 3 years he was diagnoed with Acute Luekemia,
he live for two months. Man, was I hurt, you talking about hurt!

So, I pray each and every second for the Lord to give me strength, to keep my
mind clear.
I try to be positive about what life have for me. I'm going to keep praying for all
of you also.
Dear Tracie
I am so sorry for your loss and my deepest sympathy. Your statement of being amputated of the world around is one of my feelings. The dream keeps going on and it does seem to stop and I can not wake up. I feel like he is somewhere lost all alone without me. The thought of him not seeing anymore, is just like yours litterally taking my breath too. I do not want to be a widow I just want to live my husband Fernando till we are growing old together and seeing our grandchildren. I am so sorry Tracie!
Dear Tracie,

I am so, so very sorry for the death of your beloved John - when you know someone for so long, it becomes seamless - many would say, "oh, you weren't _married_ to him for that long" - but that absolutely doesn't matter - he was the rest of you , he was a part of you for 22+ years, and you feel the weight of his loss.

My husband was the only human being that I remember the _exact_ time - day, date, etc that I first met him: 8:35 PM, Pacific Daylight Time, Tuesday 11 June 1991, in Fullerton, California - he was married to someone else, at the time, and I had an appointment with him - but I remember meeting him.

16 years later - we did get married (2007), and he died on 29 June 2009 - we had been married a year and 10 months - but for me, it was nearly 18 years, and I felt 18 years worth of loss.

Peace, blessing, healing and comfort to you - Yaca Attwood Perkins

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