basia, i am so sorry for the loss of your husband, i just lost my husband on 4/19/10,just a month ago. he put up a courageous battle for 2 1/2 years, i also was his caregiver,and would do it again and again i would do anything to have him back, but without pain. i also was holding him when he passed and our sons were with him also. i don't know anything to uplift you in anyway,but only to tell you everyone here is with you,and understand what you are going through, your definitely not alone,basia , i'm on medication for anxiety, and depression,if you could get to see a doctor and tell him what is going on with your life, how you are feeling,and are raising 4 kids alone,and that you need to be able to function,he would probably order you something for anxiety,or both, meaning also for depression,the medication won't put you in lala land,but it will help with your symptons of not being able breath, and help you to focus, and motivating, it all won't happen over night, getting rid of your symptons,but once the medication your doctor orders for you,or a doctor in the (emergency room)i say er in case you don't have a doctor where your at,anyway once any medicine is in your system, it will help take the edge off the symptons your having.when i hear of anyone having those feelings i can relate to it and there awful, so if i can help by making a suggestion,that is what i'll do.i say it only so you can be able to function enough to be able to take care of your children. i feel the same pain and sadness,but i have in my favor my sons are grown,so i couldn't imagine what your going through with trying to take care of young children,some how some way with god's help he'll give you strength to be able to take care of your children,just keep praying,our prayers will give us the grace to be able to go on, just keep on line here basia, as much as you feel you need to,i know i am and that is going to help all of us. honey don't give up, and you don't need to apologize, we are all here to listen to each other,and try to be some kind of strength for one another. hope to hear from you again. charlotte b.