Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on May 26, 2010 at 2:20pm

Dear Hurting,
I honestly know exactly how you feel with every thing you said. I know because I feel it too but it's Friday for me. Early Friday morning on January 22, 2010 Dan breathed his last breath and I know life is not the same for me either because every detail of our entire existance was based on the both of us together. When I use the PC I remember showing him our pictures on the screensaver, when I happen to look anywhere I see something that he looked at or touched or spoke of, or his clothes,or his personal possessions. I once loved all kinds of weather, but especially I loved it best when it was hot, the hotter the better, I used to say. And Dan and I loved to laugh. Be it jokes, even if I heard him for the 1000th time, puns and funny stories. Now, I leave my shade down 24/7 because I can't help but visualize him sitting on the bench outside our window or hearing his bellowing laugh when he joked with neighbors while he was enjoying the sunshine and fresh air. Now I could care less if it's 20 degrees, 70 degrees, snowing, raining, he's not here to talk about what the weather will be, so the sunshine means nothing to me now, I really really don't care what the weather will be like today, tomorrow or ever. We won't be going to the beach anymore anyway. I won't see him when I come back from my errands, just emptiness, when I went without him to surprise him with groceries to make a nice dinner when he saw me getting off the bus, he would jump up from the bench and help me in the the bags, saying I would have gone with you, and just to see him, I'd have a big smile on my face and so would Danny because I know he missed me while I was gone even just for a few hours. Now, it's just nothing, life is drab, dreary, and lonely. Each day I awake with the realization that Dan is not beside me I think of 3 things, I still can't believe he's really freaking gone, I am so glad he's not in pain, and I'm a day closer to God calling me. (IN GOD'S TIME, OF COURSE.) So I'm with you and I feel your pain and I'm so sorry you go through this too. I rarely talk about any of this with anyone else because I know you and everyone here understands. They just don't get it, they think they do but they don't experience it like we do. Please take care.
God bless,
Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Fernandohulya on May 26, 2010 at 3:15pm

Hello again Hurting, I know the feeling when you just sit there and every moment has a split second when we expect our soulmates to came through the door and every room has its memories. I sit in silence letting the memories caming to life, it unfolds infront of me. In the mornings we always worked together getting the kids ready and in the evenings we always had a night chat. I do cry at nights and in the mornings a little but it giving me sometimes really bad headaches. Mine is the 25 and on Thursdays. My world became a great big tear bubble. I love the memories in the house the happy ones. YOU are totally correct our lives will never be the same ever but I think we are blessed because I met so many peopel who never experienced what we did, BEING IN LOVE AND BECAMING ONE HEART! So many people seek their soulmate and at least we have found them. I started to hang huge big pictures of my husband Fernando around the house so I can talk with him everywhere. Why don't you do something similar?



With lots of hugs

hulya

Permalink Reply by Basia on May 26, 2010 at 4:48pm

but don't forget ....every 23rd you are are little bit closer before you see him again.

Permalink Reply by Hurting on May 26, 2010 at 5:00pm

Thanks for your hugs, I think that's what keeps me going these days. Hugs from my kids and all of you. I have put a table where he was sitting the last time. On that table I have few of his pictures that were taken during his vacations. In front of them I keep a candle lit all the time and fresh flowers. Every morning I give him first cup of tea a piece of toast. If I make anything special I put it in front of him. I think that is my way of staying connected with him. His towel is still hanging where he left it. His clothes are still hanging behind the bedroom door where he left them.

Fernandohulya said:

Hello again Hurting, I know the feeling when you just sit there and every moment has a split second when we expect our soulmates to came through the door and every room has its memories. I sit in silence letting the memories caming to life, it unfolds infront of me. In the mornings we always worked together getting the kids ready and in the evenings we always had a night chat. I do cry at nights and in the mornings a little but it giving me sometimes really bad headaches. Mine is the 25 and on Thursdays. My world became a great big tear bubble. I love the memories in the house the happy ones. YOU are totally correct our lives will never be the same ever but I think we are blessed because I met so many peopel who never experienced what we did, BEING IN LOVE AND BECAMING ONE HEART! So many people seek their soulmate and at least we have found them. I started to hang huge big pictures of my husband Fernando around the house so I can talk with him everywhere. Why don't you do something similar?

With lots of hugs

hulya

Permalink Reply by Lorraine Davies on May 26, 2010 at 5:00pm

My husband also left me on a Wednesday,Dec 9, 2009 at 10:10 am. He also did not get the chance to say goodbye but did tell me during the night that he loved me. Like you my world has fallen apart and every day just gets harder as time goes by. People say half of you dies with them but I feel it is more like 80%. The empty bed, the lonely house and every little thing in it reminds me of him. Life will never be the same again but I just hope one day I can wake in the morning without dread of another day ahead without him.

Permalink Reply by Hurting on May 26, 2010 at 5:11pm

I am so sorry for your loss Lorraine! You know since this is happened Lorraine, I find I am not same person. Never in my life before I have suffered this kind of excruciating pain. At night when I used to lie on bed I would actually feel chest pain so bad. My family and in-laws don't understand what it is like to lose your other half. I am thankful for the kids who whenever I am sad just come and keep hugging me.
Lorraine Davies said:

My husband also left me on a Wednesday,Dec 9, 2009 at 10:10 am. He also did not get the chance to say goodbye but did tell me during the night that he loved me. Like you my world has fallen apart and every day just gets harder as time goes by. People say half of you dies with them but I feel it is more like 80%. The empty bed, the lonely house and every little thing in it reminds me of him. Life will never be the same again but I just hope one day I can wake in the morning without dread of another day ahead without him.

Permalink Reply by Connie on May 26, 2010 at 10:08pm

I believe that we all know what you are feeling. My day is Monday at 6:05 a.m. on November 9th. We were to meet with the doctors at 9:30 that morning to discuss stopping the treatments because he was not responding. I could not have made that decision. I would never have left them turn off the machine. I just cannot do that. He made the decision for me. He went when he was ready and did not want to put me through that decision. I thank him for that but I wish he would have waited for me to get to the hospital to hold him as he went. He always needed me for something. If I went to the grocery store or to the mall, he would call me on my cell to find out when I would be home. Life is so freaking different now that I cannot stand it. I, too, wait for the day that I can be with him again. I go to the cemetery every day and I talk to him. I start to cry and have to leave. I don't know what I am going to do. I just wait for my day to come. I love my kids and grandkids but I know that they will all be okay without me. Their lives will go on. I survived losing my parents even though it was very hard but with a family you don't have time to dwell upon what has happened. Being alone you have nothing else to do but dwell upon our life and what has changed. I pray for all that we can get through this as quickly as possible and without too much heartache.