Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Tracy van der Schyff on May 27, 2010 at 12:41pm

Hi Tracie,

Know the muscle pain - and the drinking to cope. I don't like pills - so eventually went back to gym in the evenings which makes me sleep and wake up without muscle spasms in the morning. Drinking also makes me more emotional, which sometimes helps, and most of the times doesnt'! I have no words of wisdom for you as I lost the love of my life on March the 25th this year and it's still VERY RAW. All I can say is "The sorrow which has no vent in tears makes other organs weep" - so take care of yourself.
I've also decided to see a Psychologist (starting next Thursday), so hang in there girl - this is gonna be a tough ride.
Thinking of you,
Tracy

Permalink Reply by Connie on May 27, 2010 at 1:23pm

Tracie, Don't try to hold everything in. You will lose your mind if you don't just let things out. Don't worry about his family now. What they did to you and your husband are over and done with and they have to deal with in their minds and hearts . And if they can live with themselves, good for them. One day it will catch up with them. You need to take care of yourself now. I lost my husband almost 7 months ago and I am having a terrible time dealing with his death. It is to the point where I am getting physically ill from the stress. Maybe a break from you job since he worked there too, will be good for you. I will keep you in my prayers and pray for a rapid healing for you. Just remember Tracie, keeping it all inside is not good for you. Let it out!!!!!

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on May 27, 2010 at 1:25pm

Hi Tracie,

Your story sounds like mine. I was the caregiver for Douglas and also managed his care at home under Hospice. He died July 17, 2009. I received NO assistance from his family except lip service. And after he died they were all up in my business wanting to know what was in the Will, could they have a memento, etc. Unbelievable! And I do believe that what goes around will come around! I have all of the memories and I had the honor and privilege of saying my good-bye. At some point in their miserable lives they may think about how they behaved -- I'm not so sure!

One day I lost use of my left arm. I could not lift it above my waist. That went on for weeks. I went to chiropracters, massage therapists, doctors and finally had an MRI. Well, I have a bulging disc in my neck that is pressing on the nerve and hence, my arm wasn't working very well. I have gone to PT and can now lift it above my head again but it is very weak and I cannot carry or hold anything heavy. It comes from years of helping Douglas in and out of his wheelchair, helping him bathe, use the commode, etc. I'm not complaining and would give anything just to be able to help him again because it would mean he is still here. The stress of his illness and death took its time to catch up to me physically. It is here, with a vengance it seems.

I still work full time and went back after 2 weeks as well. It was my saving grace. Although I was planning on retiring this year I will try to stick it out for a few more. Staying home drives me insane and all I do is think of Douglas and cry. Grief cannot be rushed I am finding out. Good days and bad. Allow the Hospice bereavement counselor to do their job. I used them for many months and that helped me a lot.

I am thinking about you and all that you have gone through, continue to experience, and what lies ahead for all of us. Peace and resolution to include acceptance that our loved ones left because they had accomplished what they were put on earth to do. I love Douglas with all of my heart and always will. He is my hero!

Peace to you,

Brigitte