I put my husband's picture up for for my avatar or whatever it is called and whenever I get on this site I stare at it and I can't believe this is real!
I'm on a site for widows! And my husband is dead! And there he is in the corner next to my name, holding a pair of mitts I gave him for Christmas! And this can't really be happening!
Whenever I feel I need to tell him something, I reach for the phone to call him at work only to realize he is not there anymore. And you know those moments when you see someone on the street or in a store and for a split second think it's HIM! And it's not! The other day I was sitting in the car in the parking lot at my kids' school AND THERE HE WAS! Only it wasn't him , it was my son! I feel like today is the day I am not gonna make it.
Hugs to all and I wish you all that you need to get through today. Basia

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Basia, Honey you will get through it too. I don't know how we are supposed to go on without our husbands but somehow we have to do it. I, too, have pictures of him all over the house now so that I can see him and I talk to the pictures and sometimes I get really angry. This happens also when I go to the cemetery. I leave crying because I got angry with him for leaving me. I need him and I was not ready to lose him. He was my rock. Everyone thought that I was the strong one because I was able to take care of him through the years that he was ill. I needed him to lean on in order to be strong. It is an unbelievably difficult thing to accept and to just go on. I think of something and turn to tell him but he isn't there. I even take his picture to bed so that when I wake up the first thing I see is him. When he was here and he would wake up before me in the morning, sometimes I would be awake and he would not know it. He would stroke my hair and tell me how much he loved me. I still want that and I can't have him anymore. Life really stinks now. Don't give up somehow we will all get through this together. I will keep you in my prayers.
Basia, this what i feel everyday. I am reading your pain and feeling it too. Your soulmate is always going to be on your side but it is different now you just can not see him, that is what I am telling myself. It helps sometimes not always when some situation is to familiar. Take care of youself and the children after all they both of you half half.

with lots of hugs to all. Hulyaxxxxxxxxxxx
I know what you mean. Barry has been gone 23 months 22 days. I miss him everyday. I talk to him and tell him how much i wish he was here for the kids and I. I have a lot of picture since I am a photographer. I have them all over the house and have boxes and boxes of them. We loved to travel so we have pictures from everywhere we went. I don't know why this happened he was the best husband and father I could have ask for. When you have someone there for you for almost 24 years it is hard to go on. I want to call him on the phone to and realize I can't. We used to talk several times a day when he was at work. My oldest son is driving and 6 year old is playing ball I just want Barry here for all these things. My oldest son who is 16 got a home run in his game the other day. He did it for his dad . As he was crossing home plate and his team mates there to give him a high five my son took his hands to his lips kiss them and then raised his hands up to the sky. My heart was filled with such joy and heart ache at the same time. We miss him so much.
Sadly, it's true. We are in our worst nightmare.
I hear you, Basia, as I am sure everyone on this site does. Most of the time it is "Beyond Words". Saturday, Sept. 5, 2009 I lost the love of my life, my buddy, my best friend, my everything, left. I relive it everyday, but it is much more intense on Saturdays. Oceans of tears flow since that day. I often think that as much pain as I feel and as difficult as it has been without him, I love him to such depth that I would not have wanted him to be the one to feel what I do.
I take a day at a time, Basia. It is all we can do. Like you said, it is all so unreal.
Love to you and all of us here. May God help us till we are reunited with our loves. Connie
Connie said " I love him to such depth that I would not have wanted him to be the one to feel what I do."
I think about that often. Women are the stronger sex, emotionally, IMHO. My Bo was a big man physically, but cried like a baby when we had to put down our beloved pup 7 years ago. I don't think he would survived being left alone. So I think it is good that he left before me and is now stetting a place for me to join him.
Connie eveything your wrote of being angry with him for leaving, I always told him not to leave me behind. He also woke up early and kissed my in the morning when I was asleep and he glides his over my face. Basia, I feel still it is a nightmare. I was so spoilt with his love so much I felt like a Bee Queen everyday))))

Connie said:
Basia, Honey you will get through it too. I don't know how we are supposed to go on without our husbands but somehow we have to do it. I, too, have pictures of him all over the house now so that I can see him and I talk to the pictures and sometimes I get really angry. This happens also when I go to the cemetery. I leave crying because I got angry with him for leaving me. I need him and I was not ready to lose him. He was my rock. Everyone thought that I was the strong one because I was able to take care of him through the years that he was ill. I needed him to lean on in order to be strong. It is an unbelievably difficult thing to accept and to just go on. I think of something and turn to tell him but he isn't there. I even take his picture to bed so that when I wake up the first thing I see is him. When he was here and he would wake up before me in the morning, sometimes I would be awake and he would not know it. He would stroke my hair and tell me how much he loved me. I still want that and I can't have him anymore. Life really stinks now. Don't give up somehow we will all get through this together. I will keep you in my prayers.
Hi Basia,
That is the very reason I don't have a picture on my avatar. I keep all my pictures especially of Dan in a special place but there are none that are shown although I have to glance once in a while when they appear on my screensaver. When I see any of his pictures even after 4 and a half months I try to move the mouse so I avoid the heaviness in my heart. I don't even look in the bathroom mirror because when I see myself I know he isn't here with me. When I make a copy of his pictures for family members I still know it in my head but in my heart I can't believe he's really gone. I am just taking each day as it comes waiting for God to call me (IN HIS TIME) which I know may be a long time but like I said in my letter that I placed in the box where he is buried I will wait an eternity just for him. I am so sorry you are hurting. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
God bless and take care,
Suzanne

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