I have been thinking about the idiotic things people have said to me. I am sure they all mean well but...
so here they are:
-"hey baby, wanna date" (at my husbands funeral-thanks husband's best man)

-"don't worry you're a good lookin woman, you'll get a new husband" (at the funeral-thanks husband's godfather)

-"at least you lost some weight" (funeral again - thanks mother)

-"well, he was cremated, at least that's environmentally friendly" (thanks aunt C. that made things soooo much better)

-"he was only your husband,how do you think I feel"
(ahhhhh, thanks MIL)

-"I know you don't believe me but I loved my dog as much as you loved Terry" (Jen? did you really say that to me?)

But my all time stupid think people say to me is;
"HOW ARE YOU?"
I used to not know how to answer that one, now I just say "MY HUSBAND DIED!" That shuts them up quickly.

Any one have anymore to add to the list?

Love, hugs and peace.
Basia

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Replies to This Discussion

Basia, nothing to add to the list off hand but I'll think of something. Of course the big one, "How are you ?" makes me cringe. Hugs.
After I got my husband's insurance money, said by my mom with a foot constantly lodged in your mouth.....Wow, you're rich now!. MOM! I would rather have Bo back than all the money in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
basia,hi this is charlotte,the only thing i can say to all that is stay away from those people,and if your not able to stay away from them, simply walk out of the room they are in, sometimes it is not even worth saying anything to them, because they will only upset you more,or just simply tell them there comments aren't consouling at all, so please , don't even say anything ,and then walk away, hopefully they will get the hint. charlotte bannon
Dear Basia,
Just wanted to say that I know what your saying is true but its so hard to believe people can be that insensitive and cruel. Its so unbelievable I can't imagine anyone saying those things to you and my heart goes out to you. It is really inexcusable. I've been told by someone I love dearly (my son) that when someone asks how I am doing that I shouldn't say, "my husband died!" (which I would like to say but don't have the courage) because they just don't know what else to say. My sons (both of them) are grieving too in their own way, but even they can't possibly really know what I'm going through, so I have to rise above it and try not to hold it against my son who said that. They both really are loving sons but they are not going through what I'm going through so I wouldn't dare tell them all the things such as I am just waiting for God to call me since I feel relief sharing my dark thoughts on this site and I'm glad I have you and everyone who understands. I will never get used to living without my husband and I know you all get it. Once again, I'm so sorry that you had to go through the pain of your loss and what the others have said to you. Take care.
God bless,
Suzanne
About 9 months after my husband passed away. Someone who I knew was talking to me at Wendys. Right before I walked out the door she said to me so are you seeing anyone yet. I looked at her and said no that is not going to happen. I had to walk off and as I was she yelled out well you never know.

Then I had someone else come up to me in a store who I also knew and said hey i heard you got married again. I looked at her and said no. She looked shocked and her 15 year old wlaked off and I am sure embrassed by what just happened.
Has anyone told you "he's in a better place now". Sorry, but that is not the place that I would want for him right now. Or "at least he is not hurting anymore". What about how I am hurting? Does anyone understand that? And you are absolutely right about "how are you" How the heck does anyone think you are!!!!!! You are feeling like somebody just stuck their hand in your chest and pulled your heart out, that is how you are!!!! People mean well but they can say the darndest things. I also had a 'friend' tell me that I should get over it because half of us are going to have to go through the same thing. I would have liked to tell her that I really hope it is her that goes through this. Needless to say, I have had very little contact with her since then. People are people and they say and do things that they should think before they talk. Somehow we will all get through this.
I was asked How come your still wearing your wedding rings??
Dotti, Can you just tell people it is none of their darn business? I know I wear my wedding ring and had my husband buried with his ring on because in my mind we are still married and will always be married. Just because we cannot be together right now does not mean that we are no longer married and I should take off my ring to please someone else. I have told my children that when I die, they are to leave my wedding ring on my finger. They can do whatever they please with any of my jewelry but the wedding ring goes with me. I had thought about giving our grandson the wedding rings so that maybe he could use them when he grows up and marries but when my sweetheart passed, I just knew the right thing to do was to leave his ring on. At least it was the right thing to do for me. Why do people think that everything is their business and they have to know why we do the things we do? I don't understand why they just can't keep quiet and see how they feel when they are faced with the situation.
Dotti after almost 10 months I still wear my wedding ring too. I don't know if I will ever take it off, and it is nobody's business whether I do or not. They will only know our pain when they experience it themselves.
Take care Yvonne
"You're feeling better now, aren't you?" The correct response to this is "NO".
"he's in a better place now" HA! I am very sure that he was perfectly happy with the place he was at before. And so was I. His place was right next to me, on his side of the bed.

Connie said:
Has anyone told you "he's in a better place now". Sorry, but that is not the place that I would want for him right now. Or "at least he is not hurting anymore". What about how I am hurting? Does anyone understand that? And you are absolutely right about "how are you" How the heck does anyone think you are!!!!!! You are feeling like somebody just stuck their hand in your chest and pulled your heart out, that is how you are!!!! People mean well but they can say the darndest things. I also had a 'friend' tell me that I should get over it because half of us are going to have to go through the same thing. I would have liked to tell her that I really hope it is her that goes through this. Needless to say, I have had very little contact with her since then. People are people and they say and do things that they should think before they talk. Somehow we will all get through this.
Basia
Someone actually said to me-"You should have had children,you would have been a great mother.You know,there`s still time".Problem is,John had been gone 2 months.Thanks,Patricia

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