Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
Stupid things people say to me
I have been thinking about the idiotic things people have said to me. I am sure they all mean well but...
so here they are:
-"hey baby, wanna date" (at my husbands funeral-thanks husband's best man)
-"don't worry you're a good lookin woman, you'll get a new husband" (at the funeral-thanks husband's godfather)
-"at least you lost some weight" (funeral again - thanks mother)
-"well, he was cremated, at least that's environmentally friendly" (thanks aunt C. that made things soooo much better)
-"he was only your husband,how do you think I feel"
(ahhhhh, thanks MIL)
-"I know you don't believe me but I loved my dog as much as you loved Terry" (Jen? did you really say that to me?)
But my all time stupid think people say to me is;
"HOW ARE YOU?"
I used to not know how to answer that one, now I just say "MY HUSBAND DIED!" That shuts them up quickly.
Any one have anymore to add to the list?
Love, hugs and peace.
Basia
so here they are:
-"hey baby, wanna date" (at my husbands funeral-thanks husband's best man)
-"don't worry you're a good lookin woman, you'll get a new husband" (at the funeral-thanks husband's godfather)
-"at least you lost some weight" (funeral again - thanks mother)
-"well, he was cremated, at least that's environmentally friendly" (thanks aunt C. that made things soooo much better)
-"he was only your husband,how do you think I feel"
(ahhhhh, thanks MIL)
-"I know you don't believe me but I loved my dog as much as you loved Terry" (Jen? did you really say that to me?)
But my all time stupid think people say to me is;
"HOW ARE YOU?"
I used to not know how to answer that one, now I just say "MY HUSBAND DIED!" That shuts them up quickly.
Any one have anymore to add to the list?
Love, hugs and peace.
Basia
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by BoLynn on
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How about if we sail on the SS Minnow for a three hour tour? You can be the captain, Tom.
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Permalink Reply by Brigitte on
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Dear Peg,
I work for Social Security and please know that I am very sensitive to the wording of the forms -- I had to fill them out as well when Douglas died. I am taking strides to "fix" that -- sometimes it takes a personal incident for anyone to actually see the reality of something in writing. Now, let's get the VA to wake up and figure out what is happening!
Peace,
Brigitte
Peg Otley said:I still have a hard time filling out paperwork that asks marital status. In some cases like SS you HAVE to answer widowed. BUT..after you do that the next question is When did this marriage end?? I just lost it. To ME that was pouring salt in the wound. So, It's not just people's verbal remarks...paperwork should be more sensitive. I had already answered date of death!!!! I just cringe when I see some of the things on here that some of you have endured. I must admit no one in my family or friends have offended me. It's people I don't know so I can deal with that a little easier. OMG, as I am writing this, the news is on and they just told a story about 2 family members who stole a $500 diamond ring off the body of a loved was while she was in the casket at the funeral home!!! Try getting through something like THAT!!!!! -
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Been there, did that!
Tom said:Here's another idea !
We could hang out at the airports and make new friends, and shave our heads and hand out flowers, and be over nice to people ! -
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Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on
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June 21 marks one year since I lost my Kris. The ring is part of her NO ONE can take away from me. IF I ever wind up with anyone else, that ring will go on top of hers or I will just wear this one.
Yvonne said:Dotti after almost 10 months I still wear my wedding ring too. I don't know if I will ever take it off, and it is nobody's business whether I do or not. They will only know our pain when they experience it themselves.
Take care Yvonne -
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Sorry I brought up bad memories, Tom. I cannot swim and I live on an island, but I love to be on boats. I'm a water person and water bring me peace. Water will be the finale resting place for Bo and I. When the Lord calls me, our ashes will be scattered near the spot where we renewed our vows on our 25th anniversary.
Loni sounds like quite a Lady. So many adventures and stories. She lead a full life. -
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Permalink Reply by Tracy van der Schyff on
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Think I'll add my Top 2:
"Don't worry - you'll find someone again" - about 10 people has said this to me
and
"What's wrong" - that normally get's answered with @#$%*&!?
Tracy -
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Love it!!!
I'll print myself a T-Shirt that says: "Armed with Grief and prepared to use it!!"
Tracy
Tom said:My last post didn't make it on here for some reason.
So now that I've sleep on this, here's what I think we should do.
I think we should start our own gang of widows and widowers, with black leather vest and have a big black widow on the back of it. We can carry mace, and stun guns, and our canes and walkers with us. Our slogan can be; Talk to me at your own risk ! Just a thought ! Tom -
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BUGS! Hate um! I'm deathly afraid of spiders, lizards and centipedes. Thank goodness Hawaii does not have snakes....yet. Bo was my bug catcher. Now I grab a can of insecticide and drown the heck out of them and don't go to sleep till I'm sure that they are dead......But I will accept the jacket with the black widow spider on it ;)
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Permalink Reply by Tom on
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Insecticide them, drown them, hang them, and shoot them till there dead !
A women after my own heart !
BUGS ! Ugg ! Eick ! Creepy ! Squish them ! Chew them up and spit them out !
Well maybe not that last one !
You too have earned an honorary jacket !
For the bug hating women of the year ! -
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Permalink Reply by Dotti on
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Oh wait I have another one "Are you going to sell your house, I know someone who might be interested" Why in the world would I sell my house?? All our memories are here. I tell ya I have less and less patience with people anymore.
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Hello Dottie,
I got that one too !
It was asked of me when a lady from the womens club that my Loni belong to for 50 years when she came over to pick up her club pin. She asked me if I was going to be moving now that Loni has passed away. Why would anyone ask a thing like that?
I told her it's our house and all the memories are here, of course I'm staying here.
I don't think I want to know what it is behind a question like that.
You too have earned an honorary black vest with a black widow on the back !
For having had to put up with that kind of question ! Tom
Dotti said:Oh wait I have another one "Are you going to sell your house, I know someone who might be interested" Why in the world would I sell my house?? All our memories are here. I tell ya I have less and less patience with people anymore. -
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Now, to change it around a little bit, the NICEST thing people said to me, starting with one of my best friends from church who came with our Pastor the night Kris died was "I don't know what to say". Like I say, several people said that to me that week. By saying that, they spoke VOLUMES to me of how much they cared and wanted to not say the "wrong thing". Due to the shock of how sudden and unexpected it obviously was for us, the lack of anything to say was probably more natural.
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