I have been thinking about the idiotic things people have said to me. I am sure they all mean well but...
so here they are:
-"hey baby, wanna date" (at my husbands funeral-thanks husband's best man)

-"don't worry you're a good lookin woman, you'll get a new husband" (at the funeral-thanks husband's godfather)

-"at least you lost some weight" (funeral again - thanks mother)

-"well, he was cremated, at least that's environmentally friendly" (thanks aunt C. that made things soooo much better)

-"he was only your husband,how do you think I feel"
(ahhhhh, thanks MIL)

-"I know you don't believe me but I loved my dog as much as you loved Terry" (Jen? did you really say that to me?)

But my all time stupid think people say to me is;
"HOW ARE YOU?"
I used to not know how to answer that one, now I just say "MY HUSBAND DIED!" That shuts them up quickly.

Any one have anymore to add to the list?

Love, hugs and peace.
Basia

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Replies to This Discussion

The nicest thing someone said to me was----nothing! Just a big hug and a good cry.

Steve Cain said:
Now, to change it around a little bit, the NICEST thing people said to me, starting with one of my best friends from church who came with our Pastor the night Kris died was "I don't know what to say". Like I say, several people said that to me that week. By saying that, they spoke VOLUMES to me of how much they cared and wanted to not say the "wrong thing". Due to the shock of how sudden and unexpected it obviously was for us, the lack of anything to say was probably more natural.
Tracy,
I have a friend who makes T-shirts. If you don't mind, I will borrow your saying but I'm going to use front and back. On the front will be GO AHEAD..Ask me a stupid question...BECAUSE..... (On the back) I am armed with GRIEF and prepared to use it. This is NOT a joke!
Tracy van der Schyff said:
Love it!!!
I'll print myself a T-Shirt that says: "Armed with Grief and prepared to use it!!"
Tracy

Tom said:
My last post didn't make it on here for some reason.
So now that I've sleep on this, here's what I think we should do.
I think we should start our own gang of widows and widowers, with black leather vest and have a big black widow on the back of it. We can carry mace, and stun guns, and our canes and walkers with us. Our slogan can be; Talk to me at your own risk ! Just a thought ! Tom
I LOVE it! Make sure you put the Black Widow on it.

Peg Otley said:
Tracy,
I have a friend who makes T-shirts. If you don't mind, I will borrow your saying but I'm going to use front and back. On the front will be GO AHEAD..Ask me a stupid question...BECAUSE..... (On the back) I am armed with GRIEF and prepared to use it. This is NOT a joke!
Tracy van der Schyff said:
Love it!!!
I'll print myself a T-Shirt that says: "Armed with Grief and prepared to use it!!"
Tracy

Tom said:
My last post didn't make it on here for some reason.
So now that I've sleep on this, here's what I think we should do.
I think we should start our own gang of widows and widowers, with black leather vest and have a big black widow on the back of it. We can carry mace, and stun guns, and our canes and walkers with us. Our slogan can be; Talk to me at your own risk ! Just a thought ! Tom
How about the satelite co.that asked for Mr.Caylor's permission to send a technician to the house,and after they were told " he's dead!"Then proceeded to ask me for power of attorney!I said "He's dead!What part of that don't you understand!!!
I just tried to write Id__t and was blocked!Let's see if this goes through.Otherwise I'll use Tracey's #*%#%*
Power of Attorney dies with the person! OMG, my in-laws wanted me to sign Douglas's name to legal documents after he died because I did have POA prior. What part don't people get? What document does a deceased person need to sign? Think about it. Oh, yeah, thinking -- what a concept!

kathleen caylor said:
How about the satelite co.that asked for Mr.Caylor's permission to send a technician to the house,and after they were told " he's dead!"Then proceeded to ask me for power of attorney!I said "He's dead!What part of that don't you understand!!!
Hi all. Don't know if anyone is reading these coments any more but one to add. When taking Michael off the health insurance I was told the rate would go up because I was now a single Mother not a family any more!!!! I also hate all the ones listed as well. When my parents died and I was taking care of everything a telemarketor called and asked to speak to my Mom and I said she had died. Then asked for my Dad and I responded the same way then he said can I talk to you!!! No!! Last after dealing with a collector and explaining several times that my Mom was dead and the hospital and insurance company had to deal with each other I was suprised to find a message from this same man on the message machine asking to speak to my Mom! Grrrrrr! Like the t-shirt and jacket idea!
Suzanne, this site is a great relief. I too am ready & waiting when God is willing to take me. My 2 adult children are upset by me saying that, but it's true. They are in their early twenties & living their life & I don't see that they have made any real effort to look out for me & how I feel now. My son didn't even spend Thanksgiving with me- he went to a friends house & then took a plate to his dad (who was never there). Yep, I'm ready to go-


Suzanne said:
Dear Basia,
Just wanted to say that I know what your saying is true but its so hard to believe people can be that insensitive and cruel. Its so unbelievable I can't imagine anyone saying those things to you and my heart goes out to you. It is really inexcusable. I've been told by someone I love dearly (my son) that when someone asks how I am doing that I shouldn't say, "my husband died!" (which I would like to say but don't have the courage) because they just don't know what else to say. My sons (both of them) are grieving too in their own way, but even they can't possibly really know what I'm going through, so I have to rise above it and try not to hold it against my son who said that. They both really are loving sons but they are not going through what I'm going through so I wouldn't dare tell them all the things such as I am just waiting for God to call me since I feel relief sharing my dark thoughts on this site and I'm glad I have you and everyone who understands. I will never get used to living without my husband and I know you all get it. Once again, I'm so sorry that you had to go through the pain of your loss and what the others have said to you. Take care.
God bless,
Suzanne
Haha- good idea! Thanksgiving day someone asked me what would make me feel better & I replied "I don't know, but I could start by killing everybody." Now that sounds really awful but dang it, that's just how we feel sometimes. NOTHING is going to make us feel better. I don't want to hurt anybody, but I am hurting beyond words & it's best if I can keep to myself for the time being.


Peg Otley said:
Tracy,
I have a friend who makes T-shirts. If you don't mind, I will borrow your saying but I'm going to use front and back. On the front will be GO AHEAD..Ask me a stupid question...BECAUSE..... (On the back) I am armed with GRIEF and prepared to use it. This is NOT a joke!
Tracy van der Schyff said:
Love it!!!
I'll print myself a T-Shirt that says: "Armed with Grief and prepared to use it!!"
Tracy

Tom said:
My last post didn't make it on here for some reason.
So now that I've sleep on this, here's what I think we should do.
I think we should start our own gang of widows and widowers, with black leather vest and have a big black widow on the back of it. We can carry mace, and stun guns, and our canes and walkers with us. Our slogan can be; Talk to me at your own risk ! Just a thought ! Tom
Just came upon this thread tonight, all I can say is there are people out there that have no clue as how to act. I did in another post tell how a week or so after my wife passed away after a long illnees,her brother called and when I answered the phone first words from his mouth were "hows the man of liesure doing"
All I a can say he is an Ahole, he is not a kid, over 50 and supposed to be intelligent.I have been asked things like what are you going to do with the house/move? I just say I have no plans other then trying to live my life the best I can.

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