Birthday and Anniversary one day apart

When my husband and I were married we were 18 and 19 years old. It never occured to me if I married the day after my birthday it would be a problem. Tomorrow, June 7, is my birthday, the next day would be our 48th anniversary. My family is trying very hard to make my birthday and enjoyable day. Of course that is not going to be. I will try to give academy award performance of enjoyment because of my grandchildren. It is going to be stressful and painful. First one without Tim who died on Jan. 26th. I could really use some thoughts and prayers because I know all of you appreciate the pain.

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Permalink Reply by BoLynn on June 7, 2010 at 12:57am

So many beautiful years of memories. We are all actors on a stage pretending that we are doing well for the sake of our family. The members on this forum know only to well how you really feel. Do what you have to do. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I will not wish you a Happy Birthday because that's another stupid thing people will say, not thinking of your situation. I will wish you strength and grace to make it through the day and the next. (((Judy)))

Permalink Reply by judy on June 7, 2010 at 1:27am

Thank you so much Linda. I already got a message on FaceBook from my sister-in-law wishing me a lovely birthday. Wish we know it won't be but for the little ones I will do my act. Thanks for the support.

Linda said:

So many beautiful years of memories. We are all actors on a stage pretending that we are doing well for the sake of our family. The members on this forum know only to well how you really feel. Do what you have to do. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I will not wish you a Happy Birthday because that's another stupid thing people will say, not thinking of your situation. I will wish you strength and grace to make it through the day and the next. (((Judy)))

Permalink Reply by Connie on June 7, 2010 at 2:47am

Judy, You can count on my prayers. I all to well understand how we have to appear to be "happy" for the children and especially the grandchildren. You will get through the days the best that you can. I hope your being with the grandchildren will take the 'edge' off for you. May God Bless You and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Permalink Reply by Connie H. on June 7, 2010 at 5:23am

((((((Judy)))))), ((((((all of us))))))

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on June 7, 2010 at 7:27am

judy: i just read your comment on this site: i would like to tell you we would have been married 35 years july 2009 our anniversity is 7/27/ and my birthday is 7/29/ i am going over my sons house he wants to get me a cake i told him do not do that i would never talk to him again. i do not want anything for my birthday only my life back with my husband

Permalink Reply by Kim Hawkins on June 7, 2010 at 7:54am

Judy my prayers are with you. Barry and I were married on August 22 and his Birthday is August 30. The day we came back from our honeymoon was his birthday. I know what you are feeling. When we got married is was a great thing. He was joking with me before that we could get married on the 22 but we had to celebrate his birthday also. That is a hard time for me. So I pray that you make it though both days with strength. Just remember all the great memories you both had together. Putting on a happy face is something we learn to do ,not one we love to do.

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on June 7, 2010 at 4:45pm

Hi Judy,
I have the same dilemma so I wish I could help you. Danny and I met on September 11, 1970, his birthday is September 16, my birthday is August 11 and we were married by the J.P. on August 12, the very next day in 1972. On All Saints Day, November 1, 1974 we were married by a priest to solemnize the Sacrament of Matrimony which we really wanted in the first place, but we were happy. On Valentine's Day by simple coincidence it was February 14, 2009 we went to Church and renewed our marriage vows during the Mass with any other couples who happened to be there. I never imagined we were not going to be able to talk about our renewal vows the next Valentine's Day of 2010 because he passed away January 22, 2010. I was the only one of 7 siblings that married and stayed together for so long until he died. I always bragged about it to anyone who would listen that were together for that long. Now, I'm just heartsick and devastated and I want to not even mention it anymore to family or anyone. I never want to celebrate another birthday, and hope noone remembers, mine or Dan's. I'm just telling you all of us because believe me when I say I understand exactly how you feel. For whatever it's worth in my opinion you should do whatever you want to do, be with your family, stay close to those who love you, and remember it's just a day to be loved by those who are still here and if you feel like crying, it's understandable. May somehow your day be brighter. I wish you peace. I will remember you in my prayers. I hope you feel better.
God bless you,
Suzanne

Permalink Reply by judy on June 7, 2010 at 5:46pm

I want to thank all of you for helping me through this day because I got many, many messages from friends wishing me a "happy, happy" birthday and telling me they hoped I had a wonderful day. It began to seem like a cruelty joke though I know they all meant it as a kindness. The first day of the two day run has been painful and weird! I took of bite of my grandson's candy and cracked my bridge and my telephone went out and the phone company assures me they will have it repared in six days!!!! Who knows what the next 24 hours will bring. It is so strange and painful for Tim not to be here. I keep wanting to tell him about it. You all are a wonderful help.

Permalink Reply by judy on June 7, 2010 at 5:51pm

Suzanne, I think your date delimma is worse than mine. But they are all awful. Really there isn't anything you want to do on these days and I know my family want me to be happy but I talked with both my daughters about it and they said it made perfect sense. They are grieving over their Dad also. It just feels so wrong. You know.

Suzanne said:

Hi Judy,
I have the same dilemma so I wish I could help you. Danny and I met on September 11, 1970, his birthday is September 16, my birthday is August 11 and we were married by the J.P. on August 12, the very next day in 1972. On All Saints Day, November 1, 1974 we were married by a priest to solemnize the Sacrament of Matrimony which we really wanted in the first place, but we were happy. On Valentine's Day by simple coincidence it was February 14, 2009 we went to Church and renewed our marriage vows during the Mass with any other couples who happened to be there. I never imagined we were not going to be able to talk about our renewal vows the next Valentine's Day of 2010 because he passed away January 22, 2010. I was the only one of 7 siblings that married and stayed together for so long until he died. I always bragged about it to anyone who would listen that were together for that long. Now, I'm just heartsick and devastated and I want to not even mention it anymore to family or anyone. I never want to celebrate another birthday, and hope noone remembers, mine or Dan's. I'm just telling you all of us because believe me when I say I understand exactly how you feel. For whatever it's worth in my opinion you should do whatever you want to do, be with your family, stay close to those who love you, and remember it's just a day to be loved by those who are still here and if you feel like crying, it's understandable. May somehow your day be brighter. I wish you peace. I will remember you in my prayers. I hope you feel better.
God bless you,
Suzanne

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on June 8, 2010 at 3:38pm

Judy,Tim is probably trying to fix your dilema.Broken bridge so you don't have to eat cake and broken phone so you don't have to put on a false front!Just think of him and smile,he's still taking care of you.Hope you get through it O.K.

Permalink Reply by judy on June 8, 2010 at 4:48pm

Exactly what my daughter, Shannon, said. Thanks for the thought and the humor. Went to the pool with the grandchildren this afternoon. Time frame almost over, thank God.

kathleen caylor said:

Judy,Tim is probably trying to fix your dilema.Broken bridge so you don't have to eat cake and broken phone so you don't have to put on a false front!Just think of him and smile,he's still taking care of you.Hope you get through it O.K.

Permalink Reply by Peg Otley on June 9, 2010 at 12:04am

Dear Judy,
If there is one thing we learn to do it is to produce academy award performances.
I have had the birthday...mine not his. It was just another day. Our anniversary is in October and I am so afraid I am going to absolutley fall to pieces. It would have been our 37th. HIS birthday is going to be extremely hard because it is just 5 days before his first anniversary of his passing. He turned 61 on December 8th and he passed on Dec13th. WHY do we all think we have to be so strong? I know we ALL do it but WHY? I don't FEEL like it . I just want to let loose and cry my eyes out but I won't do it in front of the family. We are entitled to do that if we want. is it because it makes others uncomfortable? I know my amnswer is late but I certainly hope you got through it ok. THERE ARE SOOOO MANY different "FIRSTS" we have to go through and some of them come up without warning. God Bless All and (((((HUGS))))) to all.