Feeling lost and lonely

I was just wondering if anyone can relate to feeling very lost and almost scaringly lonely. My husband was my best friend and we did everything together. Really didnt have many friends outside of each other. Now I am realizing I guess that may have not been a very healthy way to live. Because I now feel like I have hardly anyone. My one close friend whom I have done alot with , in fact me, my husband and her used to be like the three musketeers, may be moving away very soon due to having her job cut back to only part time. Of course I am thinking to myself oh great, now what am I going to do. I do know that is very selfish and self centered for me to be thinking that way. I am just scared and fearful because I find myself almost getting panicky about how lonely I feel. I feel like I dont know what to do to get out of this situation.I do work a full time job and thank God I do because it at least gives me something to do and puts me around some other people. I find myself not even hardly feeling comfortable going out to do my errands, like grocery shopping, or going to the gym. I really dont even feel good about me anymore. Thinking that I dont have anything to offer anyone,especially since I feel so depressed all the time. However I have always been really good about hiding my feelings, and I dont think people that dont really know me would suspect how depressed I am.I was always the introvert and my husband was the extravert so we complimented each other quite well. But I do find it very difficult for me to reach out to others and try and make new friends.So anyone that can relate to me or give me some advice I would greatly appreciate it. thanks, cindy

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Permalink Reply by sharon on July 3, 2010 at 11:35am

Dear Kathy, Your post on here, well, I could have wrote almost the same thing, word for word. I to am at that place where at first I thought it'd be a blessing . He's been gone now 6 months and I want him here so bad, it's killing me.My world will never be the same again. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me in life and I miss him so much. I watched him suffer for several months. He had been so sick, and no I wouldn't want him back here if he had to keep living in pain like he did. I just see there's so many meanings for the word PAIN! I know am in pain, not like his but a broken heart can kill you.I do not know how yet to go on without him in my life. God bless you, your friend in grief, Sharon

Kathy Prickett said:

Hi everyone

my husband was very sick before he died. I thought I may feel a little relieved and that it was a blessing. Well that went out the window,my whole world turned upside down. I was not prepared for the feelings that came about after his death. I feel lost and scared. I feel lonely because I spent alot of time taking care of my husband and my mother. I have had several months (SEVEN) and Im still not clear what I am suppose to do without him...Every feeling has been intense, and I have not got any close friends, My relatives have been supportive.it is hard

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on July 3, 2010 at 5:24pm

Hi Cindy,
I can absolutely relate to feeling lost, lonely, and since January 22, 2010 missing doing everything together with Danny, he always knew where I was and I always knew where he was. I am just being honest and I am only speaking for myself that I am just awaiting the day that God calls me home. It could be 40 years from now but I hope not, it could be a year or less, but at least I have the chance to do what I need to before my time comes. I am deeply depressed and I have no friends, at least no friends that understand what I'm going through with the exception of those here on this site. I have plenty of family and nieces and nephews to call but no one 'gets me' and I also have 2 adult sons and grandchildren. But I find it unbearable to live in this world where Danny isn't with me when I go to family get-togethers and watch our children's family's mature and enjoy life. I get no joy out of anything, I absolutely refuse to go to the beach if someone asks me or listen to music or read books or watch anything on TV that we once watched together. Some on other grief sites might say something like, "Oh it takes time dear," "I felt like that too," "you need to see the light at the end of the tunnel," "you must go through grief work," "you should do volunteer work or get a part-time job," "Get your hair done, get some new clothes, go to counseling." (I've got my hair done and new clothes and new sneakers and counseling and xanax but nothing has changed, I still am longing for Danny and nothing can change that.) If you have the inclination to want to go through the grief to the other side and live life to the fullest while still remembering the memories of life with your spouse I am all for anyone who is able to function with the rest of their life and be happy. But I know in my heart of hearts even though it's in a million pieces that I just am unable to live that life, I am not "happy" nor will I ever be. In my opinion only we in our own way can work through this because I've also heard that we must be kind to ourselves and we all have our own time frame to live through this hellish emotional roller coaster. I am kind to myself by trying to avoid pictures of Danny of his better days and stopping my heart from feeling any more sorrow. I try not to even look in the mirror because it reminds me of him looking in the mirror at the same time. I don't even tell my 2 sons because my 38 year old thinks that getting volunteer work will help me, (when I know that whoever comes across me will only get depressed from me so what's the point), and my other son 33, has a 7 year old and a 5 month old baby and a wife-to-be who would have loved to have gotten a traditional wedding that they've been looking forward to, but unemployment has gotten him very depressed and if he knew how depressed I was he would feel even worse. So, I come here and have found exactly what I need. A place where good friends have allowed me to express my deep, dark thoughts and offered support and concern. For everyone here and all what I do have in my life I really am truly grateful, for I have my faith and compassion. I just feel that this is the end of the road for me because when Danny died, I also died, and I recently received news that my eldest brother has 9 months to live. His wife has faith, but she doesn't know what she's up against. Why couldn't God pick me, I say to myself, instead of him, but I guess He knows what He's doing, I just don't know what He's doing. I hope you find peace, a better place than I am in, for I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. All those here don't deserve to feel this pain for everyone here are such kind, loving, compassionate people. I don't understand this life, but I guess that's up for greater minds than me. I don't have advice, but I really believe those here will provide the comfort you need. Take care. I will remember you in my prayers. This other site is called Eons.com if you want to try it.
God bless you, Cindy.

Permalink Reply by judy on July 3, 2010 at 6:39pm

Suzanne, I have spent the day trying to appear semi-cheerful. Went with youngest daughter and her husband and my two youngest grandsons to community Bar-B-Q--hot,crowded and not hungry. Than took grandkids to pool. Came home and made cake for tomorrow, we are all getting together with food. Than I have to go to fireworks. Tim and I went to same spot every year since we were 16and 17, than we took children and grandchildren. I asked,"Would you be sad if I didn't go this year?" They all said -yes, also had to keep kids while daughter and her husband had to have their cat put down. He had feline cancer, they felt bad, have had him since they married. All I could think was'lucky cat'. I felt bad for them and so I have to go to fireworks. I am probably going to die of cheerful if I keep pretending. It does hurt so bad, doesn't it? You are right your sister-in-law can only imagine. But maybe she'll be one of the rare people who really do seem to get away with a shorter grief period. Most people don't. Well, I'll think of you while I am pretending to be okay.

SSuzanne said:

Hi Cindy,
I can absolutely relate to feeling lost, lonely, and since January 22, 2010 missing doing everything together with Danny, he always knew where I was and I always knew where he was. I am just being honest and I am only speaking for myself that I am just awaiting the day that God calls me home. It could be 40 years from now but I hope not, it could be a year or less, but at least I have the chance to do what I need to before my time comes. I am deeply depressed and I have no friends, at least no friends that understand what I'm going through with the exception of those here on this site. I have plenty of family and nieces and nephews to call but no one 'gets me' and I also have 2 adult sons and grandchildren. But I find it unbearable to live in this world where Danny isn't with me when I go to family get-togethers and watch our children's family's mature and enjoy life. I get no joy out of anything, I absolutely refuse to go to the beach if someone asks me or listen to music or read books or watch anything on TV that we once watched together. Some on other grief sites might say something like, "Oh it takes time dear," "I felt like that too," "you need to see the light at the end of the tunnel," "you must go through grief work," "you should do volunteer work or get a part-time job," "Get your hair done, get some new clothes, go to counseling." (I've got my hair done and new clothes and new sneakers and counseling and xanax but nothing has changed, I still am longing for Danny and nothing can change that.) If you have the inclination to want to go through the grief to the other side and live life to the fullest while still remembering the memories of life with your spouse I am all for anyone who is able to function with the rest of their life and be happy. But I know in my heart of hearts even though it's in a million pieces that I just am unable to live that life, I am not "happy" nor will I ever be. In my opinion only we in our own way can work through this because I've also heard that we must be kind to ourselves and we all have our own time frame to live through this hellish emotional roller coaster. I am kind to myself by trying to avoid pictures of Danny of his better days and stopping my heart from feeling any more sorrow. I try not to even look in the mirror because it reminds me of him looking in the mirror at the same time. I don't even tell my 2 sons because my 38 year old thinks that getting volunteer work will help me, (when I know that whoever comes across me will only get depressed from me so what's the point), and my other son 33, has a 7 year old and a 5 month old baby and a wife-to-be who would have loved to have gotten a traditional wedding that they've been looking forward to, but unemployment has gotten him very depressed and if he knew how depressed I was he would feel even worse. So, I come here and have found exactly what I need. A place where good friends have allowed me to express my deep, dark thoughts and offered support and concern. For everyone here and all what I do have in my life I really am truly grateful, for I have my faith and compassion. I just feel that this is the end of the road for me because when Danny died, I also died, and I recently received news that my eldest brother has 9 months to live. His wife has faith, but she doesn't know what she's up against. Why couldn't God pick me, I say to myself, instead of him, but I guess He knows what He's doing, I just don't know what He's doing. I hope you find peace, a better place than I am in, for I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. All those here don't deserve to feel this pain for everyone here are such kind, loving, compassionate people. I don't understand this life, but I guess that's up for greater minds than me. I don't have advice, but I really believe those here will provide the comfort you need. Take care. I will remember you in my prayers. This other site is called Eons.com if you want to try it.
God bless you, Cindy.

Permalink Reply by Paula 2 on July 3, 2010 at 9:05pm

I went from being with my husband literally 24/7 (we worked together) to absolutely nothing. I feel as though my whole life has been stolen and I have been dropped off in the desert with no idea where I am. I am so lonely that I cry so hard I throw up.
My husband and I were 58 and 59. It happened 4 months ago. We decided about 4 years ago to cut back on seeing friends so much as we were older and it got easier just to go to bed early as we had to get up early. Plus, we were so in love we just wanted each other in our later years. But these weren't our later years... we considered those to begin somewhere around 70 to 75. Now, I will never see a movie with him, much less France. I am so in love and the person is in love with me and I can't see him. It is just horrifying. I am alone for 16 hours a day (I do still work) and I am so lonely the pain is almost unbearable. Sometimes it feels like I will literally die from it. They say it gets better but can take years. I'm almost 59! The rest of my adult life could be spent like this. I am funny about who I could live with but I do hope to meet a new "best friend." Mine moved away several years ago. That won't help the grief but it would greatly help the loneliness. I am trying everything to meet people. I'm so lonely it's overcoming some of my shyness and I will ask a woman out to lunch or dinner. I hope you are able to do the same some day. It will give you a chance at a more normal life. Good luck and know that I care about you.

Permalink Reply by Paula 2 on July 3, 2010 at 9:09pm

judy said:

Suzanne, I have spent the day trying to appear semi-cheerful. Went with youngest daughter and her husband and my two youngest grandsons to community Bar-B-Q--hot,crowded and not hungry. Than took grandkids to pool. Came home and made cake for tomorrow, we are all getting together with food. Than I have to go to fireworks. Tim and I went to same spot every year since we were 16and 17, than we took children and grandchildren. I asked,"Would you be sad if I didn't go this year?" They all said -yes, also had to keep kids while daughter and her husband had to have their cat put down. He had feline cancer, they felt bad, have had him since they married. All I could think was'lucky cat'. I felt bad for them and so I have to go to fireworks. I am probably going to die of cheerful if I keep pretending. It does hurt so bad, doesn't it? You are right your sister-in-law can only imagine. But maybe she'll be one of the rare people who really do seem to get away with a shorter grief period. Most people don't. Well, I'll think of you while I am pretending to be okay.

SSuzanne said:
Hi Cindy,
I can absolutely relate to feeling lost, lonely, and since January 22, 2010 missing doing everything together with Danny, he always knew where I was and I always knew where he was. I am just being honest and I am only speaking for myself that I am just awaiting the day that God calls me home. It could be 40 years from now but I hope not, it could be a year or less, but at least I have the chance to do what I need to before my time comes. I am deeply depressed and I have no friends, at least no friends that understand what I'm going through with the exception of those here on this site. I have plenty of family and nieces and nephews to call but no one 'gets me' and I also have 2 adult sons and grandchildren. But I find it unbearable to live in this world where Danny isn't with me when I go to family get-togethers and watch our children's family's mature and enjoy life. I get no joy out of anything, I absolutely refuse to go to the beach if someone asks me or listen to music or read books or watch anything on TV that we once watched together. Some on other grief sites might say something like, "Oh it takes time dear," "I felt like that too," "you need to see the light at the end of the tunnel," "you must go through grief work," "you should do volunteer work or get a part-time job," "Get your hair done, get some new clothes, go to counseling." (I've got my hair done and new clothes and new sneakers and counseling and xanax but nothing has changed, I still am longing for Danny and nothing can change that.) If you have the inclination to want to go through the grief to the other side and live life to the fullest while still remembering the memories of life with your spouse I am all for anyone who is able to function with the rest of their life and be happy. But I know in my heart of hearts even though it's in a million pieces that I just am unable to live that life, I am not "happy" nor will I ever be. In my opinion only we in our own way can work through this because I've also heard that we must be kind to ourselves and we all have our own time frame to live through this hellish emotional roller coaster. I am kind to myself by trying to avoid pictures of Danny of his better days and stopping my heart from feeling any more sorrow. I try not to even look in the mirror because it reminds me of him looking in the mirror at the same time. I don't even tell my 2 sons because my 38 year old thinks that getting volunteer work will help me, (when I know that whoever comes across me will only get depressed from me so what's the point), and my other son 33, has a 7 year old and a 5 month old baby and a wife-to-be who would have loved to have gotten a traditional wedding that they've been looking forward to, but unemployment has gotten him very depressed and if he knew how depressed I was he would feel even worse. So, I come here and have found exactly what I need. A place where good friends have allowed me to express my deep, dark thoughts and offered support and concern. For everyone here and all what I do have in my life I really am truly grateful, for I have my faith and compassion. I just feel that this is the end of the road for me because when Danny died, I also died, and I recently received news that my eldest brother has 9 months to live. His wife has faith, but she doesn't know what she's up against. Why couldn't God pick me, I say to myself, instead of him, but I guess He knows what He's doing, I just don't know what He's doing. I hope you find peace, a better place than I am in, for I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. All those here don't deserve to feel this pain for everyone here are such kind, loving, compassionate people. I don't understand this life, but I guess that's up for greater minds than me. I don't have advice, but I really believe those here will provide the comfort you need. Take care. I will remember you in my prayers. This other site is called Eons.com if you want to try it.
God bless you, Cindy.

Permalink Reply by Paula 2 on July 3, 2010 at 9:09pm

Paula 2 said:

judy said:
Suzanne, I have spent the day trying to appear semi-cheerful. Went with youngest daughter and her husband and my two youngest grandsons to community Bar-B-Q--hot,crowded and not hungry. Than took grandkids to pool. Came home and made cake for tomorrow, we are all getting together with food. Than I have to go to fireworks. Tim and I went to same spot every year since we were 16and 17, than we took children and grandchildren. I asked,"Would you be sad if I didn't go this year?" They all said -yes, also had to keep kids while daughter and her husband had to have their cat put down. He had feline cancer, they felt bad, have had him since they married. All I could think was'lucky cat'. I felt bad for them and so I have to go to fireworks. I am probably going to die of cheerful if I keep pretending. It does hurt so bad, doesn't it? You are right your sister-in-law can only imagine. But maybe she'll be one of the rare people who really do seem to get away with a shorter grief period. Most people don't. Well, I'll think of you while I am pretending to be okay.

SSuzanne said:
Hi Cindy,
I can absolutely relate to feeling lost, lonely, and since January 22, 2010 missing doing everything together with Danny, he always knew where I was and I always knew where he was. I am just being honest and I am only speaking for myself that I am just awaiting the day that God calls me home. It could be 40 years from now but I hope not, it could be a year or less, but at least I have the chance to do what I need to before my time comes. I am deeply depressed and I have no friends, at least no friends that understand what I'm going through with the exception of those here on this site. I have plenty of family and nieces and nephews to call but no one 'gets me' and I also have 2 adult sons and grandchildren. But I find it unbearable to live in this world where Danny isn't with me when I go to family get-togethers and watch our children's family's mature and enjoy life. I get no joy out of anything, I absolutely refuse to go to the beach if someone asks me or listen to music or read books or watch anything on TV that we once watched together. Some on other grief sites might say something like, "Oh it takes time dear," "I felt like that too," "you need to see the light at the end of the tunnel," "you must go through grief work," "you should do volunteer work or get a part-time job," "Get your hair done, get some new clothes, go to counseling." (I've got my hair done and new clothes and new sneakers and counseling and xanax but nothing has changed, I still am longing for Danny and nothing can change that.) If you have the inclination to want to go through the grief to the other side and live life to the fullest while still remembering the memories of life with your spouse I am all for anyone who is able to function with the rest of their life and be happy. But I know in my heart of hearts even though it's in a million pieces that I just am unable to live that life, I am not "happy" nor will I ever be. In my opinion only we in our own way can work through this because I've also heard that we must be kind to ourselves and we all have our own time frame to live through this hellish emotional roller coaster. I am kind to myself by trying to avoid pictures of Danny of his better days and stopping my heart from feeling any more sorrow. I try not to even look in the mirror because it reminds me of him looking in the mirror at the same time. I don't even tell my 2 sons because my 38 year old thinks that getting volunteer work will help me, (when I know that whoever comes across me will only get depressed from me so what's the point), and my other son 33, has a 7 year old and a 5 month old baby and a wife-to-be who would have loved to have gotten a traditional wedding that they've been looking forward to, but unemployment has gotten him very depressed and if he knew how depressed I was he would feel even worse. So, I come here and have found exactly what I need. A place where good friends have allowed me to express my deep, dark thoughts and offered support and concern. For everyone here and all what I do have in my life I really am truly grateful, for I have my faith and compassion. I just feel that this is the end of the road for me because when Danny died, I also died, and I recently received news that my eldest brother has 9 months to live. His wife has faith, but she doesn't know what she's up against. Why couldn't God pick me, I say to myself, instead of him, but I guess He knows what He's doing, I just don't know what He's doing. I hope you find peace, a better place than I am in, for I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. All those here don't deserve to feel this pain for everyone here are such kind, loving, compassionate people. I don't understand this life, but I guess that's up for greater minds than me. I don't have advice, but I really believe those here will provide the comfort you need. Take care. I will remember you in my prayers. This other site is called Eons.com if you want to try it.
God bless you, Cindy.

Permalink Reply by Paula 2 on July 3, 2010 at 9:13pm

Hmmm... someone replied to Paula 2 and I think they meant to reply to Suzanne. I didn't write the one about pretending to appear cheerful so it was from someone else, but I'm happy that they wanted to reply to you--I just wanted you to know you had separate replies.