Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Deb on July 3, 2010 at 11:58pm

Judy, I am sorry for your loss. I, too, experienced the same problem you are having with concentrating when reading or watching for television for about the first nine months especially. It was one year June 20 that my Junior passed away, and still at times I have difficulty concentrating. It has gotten a little better, but I am in no way back to my "old self" as far as concentrating, socializing with family and friends, or just getting out! Bless your heart - I will continue to remember you in my prayers. Take one day at a time and stay strong.
Deb

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on July 4, 2010 at 9:42am

Judy,I know what you mean.The first week after my husband died,I worked at a frenzy pace.But now I've put off just about everthing.Seems like I can't multi task any more.One thing at a time.I guess my juggling days are over.I like your suggestion regarding setting goals.It's the " Baby Step" thing.I hope in time this,too will improve.Good luck,Kathy

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on July 4, 2010 at 11:51am

Hi Judy,
I have had the exact same thing happen to me. All that I can concentrate on is books about grief, and I have no interest in reading anything else. I read a novel that was about a grieving woman a month ago, and a few books that I was given for Christmas that I wanted to read before but they just sit there collecting dust. I tried to read them out loud by myself to get into it, but I don't even remember what I'm reading and I don't care but I don't want to tell my son who gave them to me for Christmas before Danny passed because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I only watch safe shows on TV and I've discovered that even what I think of as safe can affect me. Although, sometimes I watch TV and I find myself just staring at the set and then other times I'll watch 'safe' TV marathons for hours at a time. I just realized I don't watch the news anymore. It's not that I don't care what's going on the the world and locally, I just think that everything that is happening is going to happen anyway and what's the point of me knowing about it, I can't change anything. I don't think I'll get past it. For me I just have gotten so numb to everything around me and I know it's because I just don't want to be here any more. But maybe you are right about lacking concentration. It's very strange that we have this in common. There must be a reason, but I don't even want to analyze anymore, which was another thing I used to enjoy doing. I figure what's the point in anything. But that's just me.
God bless,
Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Elaine Richmond on July 4, 2010 at 11:55am

I was also a passionate reader, and I have stacks of books that I have not read, as I was/hopefully still am, addicted to books. I have not been able to get 'into' any of them. I do read a lot of religious books that do give me hope. I am a born again christian, but I am so lost since my husband Troy passed on 3/3/10. He always had the news on (Fox) and we would sit and yell at some of the things going on in the world and he always, always watched the weather as he was a frustrated farmer who could grow anything. I am now trying to keep alive all the things he planted, I am afraid I am failing miserably, but I am trying. I do watch television movies, if they interest me at all, as the noise and forcing myself to keep up with the story line keeps me from thinking. His birthday will be the 8th. of July and I truly hate all of these 'firsts.' First Mother's Day, First Father's Day, and now First 4th of July. It seems that I am reverting into what I used to be before I met and married him, I am so unorganized, I forget so many words, I find myself talking out loud as if answering him, and every morning I feel sure he is beside me in bed just as I am waking. I do not know what to do but just 'keep on keeping on' what choices do we have?
Anyway, I know what you mean about not being able to read, since for years I have been such an avid reader! May God bless and help all of us as we are going through something that is truly unexplainable.

Permalink Reply by Joyce Frey on July 5, 2010 at 8:06pm

First of all, I want to say that my heart goes out to all of you, I have been there and it just hurts so badly. I lost my husband and then five years later, I lost my daughter. I too was a very big reader, and found that I couldn't concentrate after my husbands death. You have gone through one of the most traumatic moments of your life...how could you possibly concentrate on anything else? This is a recovery process that you are in right now. It takes time and determination to take just one day at a time, and you will find yourself at some point down the road, laughing again, reading and doing new things that you may have never thought you would ever do again. How long does it take? It is different for each person. I personally got so much out of support groups. It is good to know that although you wouldn't wish this on anyone, it helps to talk to others that are in the same place. I wish you all good health and healing.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Richmond on July 5, 2010 at 8:19pm

Joyce Frey said:

First of all, I want to say that my heart goes out to all of you, I have been there and it just hurts so badly. I lost my husband and then five years later, I lost my daughter. I too was a very big reader, and found that I couldn't concentrate after my husbands death. You have gone through one of the most traumatic moments of your life...how could you possibly concentrate on anything else? This is a recovery process that you are in right now. It takes time and determination to take just one day at a time, and you will find yourself at some point down the road, laughing again, reading and doing new things that you may have never thought you would ever do again. How long does it take? It is different for each person. I personally got so much out of support groups. It is good to know that although you wouldn't wish this on anyone, it helps to talk to others that are in the same place. I wish you all good health and healing.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Richmond on July 5, 2010 at 8:20pm

Joyce Frey said:

First of all, I want to say that my heart goes out to all of you, I have been there and it just hurts so badly. I lost my husband and then five years later, I lost my daughter. I too was a very big reader, and found that I couldn't concentrate after my husbands death. You have gone through one of the most traumatic moments of your life...how could you possibly concentrate on anything else? This is a recovery process that you are in right now. It takes time and determination to take just one day at a time, and you will find yourself at some point down the road, laughing again, reading and doing new things that you may have never thought you would ever do again. How long does it take? It is different for each person. I personally got so much out of support groups. It is good to know that although you wouldn't wish this on anyone, it helps to talk to others that are in the same place. I wish you all good health and healing.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on July 5, 2010 at 8:46pm

I too can only concentrate on reading about grief. I was never really a avid reader, but i couldnt put down a good novel once i got into it. i would read especially since tv has gotten so disgusting lately. i really cannot concentrate at all. i try and keep even tv really light mainly by watching sitcoms that you dont even have to concentrate on.my mom gave me a whole bunch of books to read, she loves to read, told me it would take me into another world like it does her but i just cant even make heads or tails of what i read after the first paragraph.I would like to be able to get into reading again.I just know to take it one day at a time.

Permalink Reply by Connie on July 5, 2010 at 9:45pm

It is hard to concentrate on anything. I think about my husband all the time. No matter what I am doing, he is on my mind. I have read many books about grieving. I have bought several other books that I really thought I could get into reading but I can't pick them up. I used to love to do cross stitch but I can't pick that up either. I can find nothing to take my mind off of my husband and what has happened to my life. Oh, how I want to be with him. I go to the cemetery every day and tell him that I want to be next to him. How I wish that would happen quickly! My life is so incomplete without him. I can't pick up the pieces. It hurts so badly. Concentration is just a thing of the past or at least that is the way it seems.

Permalink Reply by Patti Baker on July 5, 2010 at 10:01pm

Connie said:

It is hard to concentrate on anything. I think about my husband all the time. No matter what I am doing, he is on my mind. I have read many books about grieving. I have bought several other books that I really thought I could get into reading but I can't pick them up. I used to love to do cross stitch but I can't pick that up either. I can find nothing to take my mind off of my husband and what has happened to my life. Oh, how I want to be with him. I go to the cemetery every day and tell him that I want to be next to him. How I wish that would happen quickly! My life is so incomplete without him. I can't pick up the pieces. It hurts so badly. Concentration is just a thing of the past or at least that is the way it seems.