I am having a down day today... I just miss my Shawn a lot...monday will be a year and a half since he left me... I think its just so rough bc I am looking these kids- now almost 4 and almost 3...and they are so different then when he left.. and i know he wouldnt recognize them... i think another major problem with me coping is the fact that i am physically able to move on and he isnt. Its not like a divorce for us- where both can move on to another spouse... he is in heaven playing golf all day and playing with his puppies.... and i am down here with our kids raising them as we wanted to.... having no choice but to go forward....my kids barely remember him and that breaks my heart... and every time i feel something not right in my body- i feel like i am going to die- all mental i know bc a 29 yr old should not think that.... but a side effect of waking up to a 27 yr old husband dead on the floor... anyway, just wanted to vent bc while he is always my waking thoughts... some days are ten times better than others... and even the 20 min workout is not shaking this funk today :( hopefully you guys are having a better day than me...

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Liz I know how you are feeling. My husband Barry passed away June 5th, 2008. We have teo boys who are now 16 and 6. Even though Barry had been sick from a result of a car accident we thought he was going to get better. I left one morning to take my youngest son to my moms because Barry had a doctors appointment. He had eat breakfast and seemed fine or I would not had left him alone. My oldest son who was 14 at the time came home to find Barry on the bed with no responise. He has called me to tell me he was home from school and I ask where his dad was . He said on the bed a sleep. I knew right then sonmething was not right. Barry had not been sleeping much . He had been passing out for low blood pressure so I thought he had passed out. But when Andrew could not get me awake I said call 911 and I rushed home. All the way home I was screaming in the car because a feeling came over me that he was not ok. Trying to get up everyday and cope with life is so hard. I ask God everyday for strength to make it though the day. Barry and I had been together for almost 24 years. Being without hiom is the hardest thing in life. He didnt want to leave us. While in the hospital 3 months before he passed away he said he wanted to get better because he didnt want to leave the kids and me. I told him I wanted him to get better too. We had a great marriage. It is just so hard. I try and talk about Barry alot and look at pictures because I have vowed that my children and others will not forget what a great guy Barry was. You just have to talk about your husband to your children so they can hold those memories in their hearts just as you do. Take care.
Liz, I am sorry you are having "a down day". My thoughts are with you and we all share in your grief and what you are going thru. You can vent here anytime as we all DO understand. Hugs to you. Hugs are good.
I'm with you girl...I'm having a bad day too...my daughter since her dad's death has gotten a full sleave tatoo and monday totaled her car that her dad died to give her...she moved out 2 weeks ago ...and I have said some pretty bad stuff to her for doing all this she is so young and dosent realize what I'm going through and actually know one else does either other than the people on this site.
We will get through this....
But what gets me is the people that are supposed to be our friends are now our enemy...it seems because they know Robert left me some money they want it....wth...I feel like I am surrounded by vultures...and now am in suculsion from this and now have no friends and all I do is worry about money...guess it's because I haven't paid a bill all my life and am an only child and so is my daughter...I'm trying to hold on to the money ...since bought a new house and a new car and one for my daughter also and have wined and dinned all my friends even took one to the Florida Keys...But now it has to stop I only have a quarter of it left after only one year...so at this rate I should be pushing a shopping cart on the side of the HWY...So I have pushed everyone away and am sitting here all alone...with my poodle...lol, that sounds funny. But it's not. You are not alone it is a bad day...but you know what tomorrow could be differant. God Bless and and hold on hopefully it will get better I have faith and so should you for him you know....he worked hard all his life to make me be safe the least I cant do is make him proud of me!!! You can too!!! I'm sorry I'm having to even be on this site but I'm glad I met you!!!
Dear Liz,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel because I am going through this grief as well. It was almost 6 months ago that my husband passed away and I never realized it would be like this. I had no clue. I know that every one has their unique way of how they landed on this road so I can imagine it must be very difficult for you to go through this with children to raise. I have never been so deeply depressed and distraught and lacking joy in my life and I have been living every day since January 22, 2010 with a deep longing to be by my rightful place beside Danny. But, I have to remind myself that this was an enormous wake-up call that this life is short and I need to live in each day rather than in the past or the future and I also have to remind myself that we were created to leave this earth some day and none of us know when that day will be. I feel that I am fortunate for all that God has blessed me with, like even though right now its so so hard for me to look at his pictures and think of memories of him, I know there will be days when I will remember him with all of the love I have for him. Because he was everything to me and I know I was everything to him and I have to always remember that. I have so much God has blessed me with, forgiveness, Faith, the gift of life, my life with Danny, our grandchildren and I could go on and on but there still days when I weep and cry for my lonliness and sorrow. I just know I have to come to terms with whatever comes and I am really glad that Dan isn't in so much pain any longer. I agree that no one knows this pain until they have experienced it. I just wanted you to know that you are in my prayers. My heart goes out to you, may you have peace.
God bless and (((((hugs))))),
Suzanne
dear liz,
i am so sorry you are having a down day. i also am so sorry that you lost such a young husband. i have been feeling sorry for myself because my husband was only 58 but yours was so awfully young.i keep telling myself if only my husband could have been 20 years older i could have dealt with his death better. but could i have? that would have given us 20 more years and i think it could have made it just as bad if not worse.it has been almost 5 months for me and i miss him more and more everyday. i dont see myself as going forwards i keep going backwards.i feel like my life is over and i only can pray that some how some way i can learn to try and make the best of the time i have left . my husband would have wanted me to move on and keep living. may God Bless you and keep you strong.
To Cindy. I been having trouble making a reply to people. I get error message so I'll try this topic. My son made a DVD memorial disc of my wife ,photos with 4 songs. We found more photos, enough to make another song.After 4 months staying at my daughters I went home. My computer wouldnt play it so I took it in to the shop for 3 days to get it fixed. I played that DVD everynight before bed and cried my eyes out..I havent played it for a while but I have it memorized it.
All I am saying is this. You need to grieve. Whenever, whatever and at any given time. Only you can decide what is right. On this site, we care, we share and we understand. Hugs to you. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
Liz: Im sorry for your loss of your Shawn, my husband and I were married 38 yrs, other than his time overseas, and his time at work we had been together since the age of 15, my husband had a massive heart attack on my kitchen floor, I begged God not to take him, but i knew Don;s life on earth was done, I thought of selling my house due to the fact Don died in the kitchen, but his memory is every where in this house, inside and out, so having gone through such hell on earth these past years, Ive walked through the terrible pain of grief, but.. it's not over, you will feel ok and BOOM a song will come from somewhere that brings me to tears, a memory from someone reminds me my soul mate is gone, I will never forget Don, but I walked through the shadow of the valley of death, and Im stronger now, this is not bragging, only to tell you all that some day you will heal and find your strength...*God Bless* each and every one of you, I read your memories of your loved ones and I share in a differant kind of grief
Liz, I hope you are having a better day today. No, life is not fair, I don't understand why things like this have to happen so suddenly. I never got the chance to say good bye to Brad, I only look forward to the day that we can be together again forever.
Do me a favor, tonight before you go to bed, go outside and look up at the sky, look at the brightest star and that is your Shawn watching over you and telling you it will be okay. I do that everynight, sometimes it gives me comfort but sometimes it makes me more lonely but I know that star is bright because its Brad saying good night to me.
I know there are times when I feel I am going to die also, those meltdown times are the worst, but I just ask Brad to give me the strength to get through it and he does help me, but I miss him so much, I want him here with me. He always was my strength, it will be a year on August 5th at 12:46 pm. I dread that day, I re-live that awful day everyday but on the 5th I don't know what I am going to do. Take care and know that I am here for you.
Barb
Love is a yearning
Of the One
For the One.

- Sri Aurobindo





Suzanne said:
Dear Liz,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel because I am going through this grief as well. It was almost 6 months ago that my husband passed away and I never realized it would be like this. I had no clue. I know that every one has their unique way of how they landed on this road so I can imagine it must be very difficult for you to go through this with children to raise. I have never been so deeply depressed and distraught and lacking joy in my life and I have been living every day since January 22, 2010 with a deep longing to be by my rightful place beside Danny. But, I have to remind myself that this was an enormous wake-up call that this life is short and I need to live in each day rather than in the past or the future and I also have to remind myself that we were created to leave this earth some day and none of us know when that day will be. I feel that I am fortunate for all that God has blessed me with, like even though right now its so so hard for me to look at his pictures and think of memories of him, I know there will be days when I will remember him with all of the love I have for him. Because he was everything to me and I know I was everything to him and I have to always remember that. I have so much God has blessed me with, forgiveness, Faith, the gift of life, my life with Danny, our grandchildren and I could go on and on but there still days when I weep and cry for my lonliness and sorrow. I just know I have to come to terms with whatever comes and I am really glad that Dan isn't in so much pain any longer. I agree that no one knows this pain until they have experienced it. I just wanted you to know that you are in my prayers. My heart goes out to you, may you have peace.
God bless and (((((hugs))))),
Suzanne
I am sorry your having a bad day,its been that way for me today also its three months since my love passed and i feel so alone. I having a real hard time with being alone I am not and never have been a loner. I LIVE ALONE AND NOONE EVEN COMES TO VISIT. i have two adult kids but only one here in Pgh. no siblings neither. what am i to do??? does anyone have any ideas?? i dont drive to join any groups. i need to fine a senior group thank you for listening have a good day tomorrow and a sleepful nite/
big hugs
I am so sorry he was just too young to die I too lost my husband but he was 56 yrs. the loss is so hard some days I just don't want to do anything at all I am numb and so lonely. This will go on till I die I will never remarry. On the other hand you are so young with young children life is just beginning for your family. I'll pray for you your story touched my heart so deeply God Bless
I'm so sorry your having a bad day, I'm at a loss of words to you as my husband of 38 yrs. passed away apr. 30th so it been 21/2 months. but having lil ones must be even harder ,Iwill keep you in my prayers and pray we "ALL" try to take one day at a time...Iwould like to share something my husband said to me on apr.15th...he said lovey," your life will be chaging " " not ending" Isay these words everyday sometimes it helps ,and then sometimes it makes me sadder..
Ihope you have a better tomorrow's
mary ellen

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