I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved first husband, and I am sorry for the load you are currently bearing - the "what-ifs": Did I do/not do the right thing? Would he have lived longer? And so on.
First, I strongly believe you did NOT contribute in any way to his death, nor are you REMOTELY responsible. You honored his wishes, and as hard and as sorrowful as it is - it was his time to depart the Earth.
I also believe that he bears you no ill will, no recriminations, no blame at all.
My husband died on 29 June 2009 - for years, he had severe psoriatic arthritis, and became increasingly unable to walk or stand. He also suffered muscular dystrophy, intense pain and in the end, liver failure. By the time he died, he had jaundice, ascites, hepatic encephalopathy as well.
When he was admitted to the hospital on 18 June 2009, one of the first things I did was request the doctor to order a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order - I did not want heroic (and painful measures) taken in case he suffered heart failure - and the doctor agreed with me. He was in the hospital for a week, during which he looked like the bridge of the Starship Enterprise, he had so many devices, IV's, leads, what have you on him (including a highly bothersome (to him) Foley catheter).
He was not a candidate for a liver transplant; they sent him home on the 25th, placed him in hospice, and he died on the 29th. During the weekend, he went into the end-stage - detachment from surroundings, change in breathing patterns, etc, etc. The hospice also had a DNR.
I have often wondered - Did I wait too late to _force_ him to see a doctor? Did I not try hard enough to keep him from working too long, or not enjoying his chewing tobacco? Did I not try to stop him from using gin to alleviate the agony and swelling of arthritis? Did I? Did I?
I just came to the conclusion that given the situation, and his absolute loathing of doctors, hospitals, tests, etc (the only way he did get into the hospital was because the Home Health Nurse that visited told him he'd DIE right then and there) - there was not a lot I could have done. I made sure he was clean, comfortable and cared for; he died with me right beside him, and I saw him take his last breath.
Peace, healing, grace and comfort be upon you - Yaca Attwood Perkins
I agree with the others. You respected you husband's wishes. Don't second guess it, because of comments from others. My husband of 24 years died on Feb 7th of this year. He was diagnosed with cancer July of 09. He went through chemo and then radiation. The cancer was gone at the end of last year. But instead of getting better he only got worse. He started having breathing problems. At the end of Jan he went into the hospital. They wanted to do a lung biopsy to see what was going on. We were in the holding room waiting for them to take him back into surgery. The anestheologist came over to talk to us. After a few minutes he said, I must tell you, that with the high levels of oxygen that you are on, there is a good possibility you won't wake up after this procedure. The look on my husband's face, I will never forget it. And he never woke up. He was on a respirator, and unable to come off of it. That was on a Wednesday. I waited until that Saturday. His children were all coming down from up north. When they all got here, I told them we had a tough decision to make. They were able to talk to the doctors. Together it was decided to discontinue the life supports. Jim and I had talked about this kind of thing in the past, never had anything in writing. I have never second guessed that decision. I have no guilt about it. My only concern at that time was his children and mine. He was "DAD" to all seven of them. Don't beat yourself up about this. No one would want to be on life support, with no hope. Your husband made his wishes known. Be happy with your new husband. Second chances are wonderful. You see, Jim was my second husband (my first husband had died also) and I loved him dearly. God bless you.