Linda: My heart goes out to you for the loss of your husband, having to turn off the life support is really hard, my husband and i had to do it for a aunt, whose husband just could not do it I think it was the right thing to do Linda or the hospital would not advised it, and it must be hard to carry this burden around, when we loose a loved one I think we all have regrets, I know ive gone though alot of them, Have you talked to your new husband about it? Maybe just talking about it here and with others will help you, we all go through the would have, could have and should have but to no avail. Its been six years since my husband died, and I replay it like a film of him dying in my arms on my kitchen floor. If only we could have 5 mins more with that person, but life is not fair, and we all share your burden. God Bless
Dear Linda, I was just reading your message. I know what you are going through. My husband passed away on May 4th of this year from lung cancer. The last year of his life was unbelievably hard. Just one long day after another watching him in so much pain and living with the striking changes in his attitude and behavior. Since his death I am consumed with thoughts of "what if" and "if only". I was not there when my husband passed away. It was 1 o'clock in the morning. I had spent the day with him just before. I am eaten up with guilt because I was tired out and went home. He was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him or bother him. Still, I should have stayed. The only thing keeping me sane is the realization that what happened was meant to be. God did not mean for me to be there and I try hard to stay focused on that thought. I find myself crying often and I am deeply depressed. I loved him with all of my heart and like you with your husband---I miss him more than any words can ever say. I find myself walking around talking to him and he is never out of my mind or my heart. Like you, we had more than our fair share of hard times but we always managed to hold on to each other. We had a favorite saying "no matter what" and when things got to the point where they were getting unbearable one of us would remind the other by saying those very words. Now there is "no matter what". Everyday is a hardship and very lonely without him. How I wish that I could go back in time and put my arms around him once more and tell him of my feelings for him. There will never be another. He was my everything. I can't tell you how to get past what you are going through because I am right there with you. You are not alone and I just wanted to convey my thoughts and feelings to you so that you know that.