It's been 6 months today since my husband has passed. I recently have started crying again as if it were yesterday. Because my heart is in a million pieces it cannot be put back together and I know that there are others who are trying so desperately to get through their grief but I am unable to. When others tell me, "Oh you're new to this, it will take time" I have to cringe. In some small ways I know things are different because I know in my head and my heart he is really gone, but that's what makes it so difficult for me. I don't want him to be gone, I don't want him to be a memory, I don't want to be by myself, I want to see him, I want him to see me. I said this before and I need to repeat that I have no joy in my life because he is not here with me, and I despise the filtering sunshine as it tries to creep through my shades that are always drawn, and I loathe the chirping birds and try as I might I can't get out of my head swimming at the beach with husband or listening to his bellowing laughter and talking with him and now we'll never watch our children, our grandchildren and our only 6 month old granddaugher grow older and it breaks my heart to see her older brother smile at her and show affection and run and play. When my husband died, my spirit died with him, things will never be the same and only by my Faith and all of you here and support groups can I move from one day to the next. I just wait for God to call me and I feel like I am the saddest person in the world, but I know that I am not because I know you all understand.
God bless all of you here,