Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mary Leaver on July 29, 2010 at 7:02pm

Dearest Cathy: Do whatever makes it easier for you...journal...grief support...stand out on your porch and scream at God...visit your beloved's grave often...listen to music (Enya's "Only Time", Sara McLachlan's "Angel", Carlee Carter's "Stronger", Toby Keith's "Crying For Me") DO WHATEVER gives you some peace. The night I fell in love with Joe Leaver I remember thinking "my life has changed forever" and when I stood in my driveway and watched the funeral home take him away those words came back to me and I just crumbled...my life has changed forever. If ONE MORE person had said to me during those days that time would heal my broken heart, I was going to do bodily harm! My Joe and I could finish each other's sentences...knew what the other was thinking...I knew he was my soul mate/I his...after 26yrs he still looked at me the same as the day we met...my family & friends knew that my life would never be the same. But with everyone's help (reaching out was not an easy thing for me) I've made it 4-1/2yrs. It's baby steps, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. It DOES IN FACT get easier. But I have learned the difference between easier and better. It doesn't get better. It just gets easier. I'll include you in my prayers Cindy. Your broken heart will get easier with more time. But you can't rush the grief process...look for help to get through it, not around it. Feel your feelings, cry your tears, when your heart hurts so much you can't breathe...remember how many of us here who have/are facing that same hurt every day, it doesn't matter how long we were married/together or how our spouse died, our hearts STILL feel that cavernous break. THAT'S why this site exists...use it however often you need to. Talk to your beloved...he'll hear you. I also put up things that've helped me I'll share..."Always Blessings, Never Regrets"..."A man's legacy is not things, it is tied to the hearts he leaves behind" are but a few...GBU

Permalink Reply by Kim on July 29, 2010 at 8:06pm

Cathy,
I am sorry about your husband. My husband died from cancer too, its only been 7 weeks. I truely hate the word cancer. I pray all the time they find a cure for every cancer out there. I honestly do not know how to pick up the pieces and go on and I get so scared when I think about living a life without my husband beside me. I hope you find some sort of comfort in knowing we all understand exactly how you feel. There are some truely wonderful and caring people on this site.

Permalink Reply by vickie on July 29, 2010 at 11:22pm

Hi cathy , my husband died march 2009 of cancer we just have to take one day at a time some days are hard and others are ok i will never forget my husband we was married for 40 years he was only 58 when he died
it is really lonely being alone but it helps reading what others say knowing you are not alone we all are going thought this
stay strong and pray for one another and we can cry when we need to
take care

Permalink Reply by judy on July 29, 2010 at 11:37pm

Kathy, My husband,Tim, died 1/26/10 of a sudden massive heart attack. This is a trip that none of us would choose to make and the road is difficult and painful. Think of us as fellow travelers. It helps to write and it helps very much to read what others write. I will add you to my prayer list. Let us all remember we are not leaving our mates behind every day we are one day closer to being back together.

Permalink Reply by Cathy on August 2, 2010 at 11:36am

It`s not fair that I must go on living when half of me is gone forever....I miss him with all my heart and I still cry all the time. I can`t understand how a healthy man can go to a doctor because of back pain and be told he had lung cancer. How can the two be connected to one anouther? And that it was stage 4 lung cancer and it already traveled though his body inculding his brain. He went to the doctor every 3 months for a check up because of his heart, it was a minor problem. With all the blood work and testing, why couldn`t they see something was going on? April 1st 2009 {fool`s day} He was told he had cancer, had all the treatments to prolong his life, but only made him sicker. By the middle of july he was no long able to do any thing for himself, he didn`t want to go to the hospital, So I took care of him at home like he wanted. Aug 1 st, they said there was nothing more they could do for him, So for the next 5 days I watched him dieing and felt helpless. He was in so much pain and the brain tumor made him not know what was going on. On aug 5th he died in our home with me holding his hand. I know he is in a better place and he is out of pain but now I am the one living in pain over lossing him. sorry about rattling on , But I have no family here, just a few freinds who are tire of seeing me so upset. They just can`t understand. I am so sorry for all your losses and am sad to think that there are so many of us in pain. Thank you all for your suport. God be with you.

Permalink Reply by Cathy on August 3, 2010 at 10:02am

Kim, I am so sorry for your loss. At 7 weeks, you must still be in shock. My heart goes out to you. I know what it was like at that time, I could not eat , sleep, or even think straight. I was walking around in a fog. I was also scare about life with out him but I have found out life does go on, its just so different now. I go to work, go home to an empty house and then go to bed. There is no joy in my life just the need to take 1 step at a time. I don`t know where my life is going but it has to get better. And yes it does help me to come here and talk seems like all my friends are getting tired of hearing me complain. But I still miss him so. God bless you.

Kim Sobkowich said:

Cathy,
I am sorry about your husband. My husband died from cancer too, its only been 7 weeks. I truely hate the word cancer. I pray all the time they find a cure for every cancer out there. I honestly do not know how to pick up the pieces and go on and I get so scared when I think about living a life without my husband beside me. I hope you find some sort of comfort in knowing we all understand exactly how you feel. There are some truely wonderful and caring people on this site.

Permalink Reply by bc on August 3, 2010 at 11:14am

Cathy, my husband also passed away on August 5, 2009 due to cardiac arrest. One minute he was here, left to go to the store and as soon as he left, 30 seconds later he was gone. It has been tough, and I still have my meltdowns. I miss him so much, I still sometimes think he's going to walk back through the door. I've been told the pain never goes away, but it does get easier to deal with. I don't know because I still have that horrible pain and lonliness. I'm glad you found this site because we are all living the roller coaster ride and you do get alot of support here. If you want to email me directly, my private email is:
bchamberlain@wi.rr.com. I'm also on Facebook, as are many on this site, you will find me as Barb Chamberlain. I really look forward to getting to know you and support you. I will be praying for you on Thursday the 5th also. Please keep in touch. Hope you have a good day!

Hugs, Barb

Permalink Reply by b mohlere on August 3, 2010 at 4:54pm

Your story is similar to mine. I found it so hard to believe that my husband had cancer of any stage as he saw doctors every 3 months for many years as he was a type 1 diabetic. How could it be missed? Four months from diagnosis he was gone -- from his treatment not cancer. His cancer was stage 2 but he got an infection after chemo and it was a downhill trip from there. Not only have I lost the person that mattered most, I'm bitter that it shouldn't have happened the way it did. I try so hard not to show the anger because my children struggle with it all. I miss him and am trying to get up each day and just put one foot in front of the other as best I can.

Cathy said:

It`s not fair that I must go on living when half of me is gone forever....I miss him with all my heart and I still cry all the time. I can`t understand how a healthy man can go to a doctor because of back pain and be told he had lung cancer. How can the two be connected to one anouther? And that it was stage 4 lung cancer and it already traveled though his body inculding his brain. He went to the doctor every 3 months for a check up because of his heart, it was a minor problem. With all the blood work and testing, why couldn`t they see something was going on? April 1st 2009 {fool`s day} He was told he had cancer, had all the treatments to prolong his life, but only made him sicker. By the middle of july he was no long able to do any thing for himself, he didn`t want to go to the hospital, So I took care of him at home like he wanted. Aug 1 st, they said there was nothing more they could do for him, So for the next 5 days I watched him dieing and felt helpless. He was in so much pain and the brain tumor made him not know what was going on. On aug 5th he died in our home with me holding his hand. I know he is in a better place and he is out of pain but now I am the one living in pain over lossing him. sorry about rattling on , But I have no family here, just a few freinds who are tire of seeing me so upset. They just can`t understand. I am so sorry for all your losses and am sad to think that there are so many of us in pain. Thank you all for your suport. God be with you.

Permalink Reply by Cathy on August 10, 2010 at 8:29am

I am so sorry about everyone`s loss....I am glad that I came here, I don`t feel so all alone any more. It was 1 year as of the 5th of aug. and it feels strange that just when the fog was starting to go away, it came back full force. I can`t think to do even the simple things that I do daily. It like I losed my mind. Is this normal? Thank you for all your suport and friendship.

b mohlere said:

Your story is similar to mine. I found it so hard to believe that my husband had cancer of any stage as he saw doctors every 3 months for many years as he was a type 1 diabetic. How could it be missed? Four months from diagnosis he was gone -- from his treatment not cancer. His cancer was stage 2 but he got an infection after chemo and it was a downhill trip from there. Not only have I lost the person that mattered most, I'm bitter that it shouldn't have happened the way it did. I try so hard not to show the anger because my children struggle with it all. I miss him and am trying to get up each day and just put one foot in front of the other as best I can.

Cathy said:

It`s not fair that I must go on living when half of me is gone forever....I miss him with all my heart and I still cry all the time. I can`t understand how a healthy man can go to a doctor because of back pain and be told he had lung cancer. How can the two be connected to one anouther? And that it was stage 4 lung cancer and it already traveled though his body inculding his brain. He went to the doctor every 3 months for a check up because of his heart, it was a minor problem. With all the blood work and testing, why couldn`t they see something was going on? April 1st 2009 {fool`s day} He was told he had cancer, had all the treatments to prolong his life, but only made him sicker. By the middle of july he was no long able to do any thing for himself, he didn`t want to go to the hospital, So I took care of him at home like he wanted. Aug 1 st, they said there was nothing more they could do for him, So for the next 5 days I watched him dieing and felt helpless. He was in so much pain and the brain tumor made him not know what was going on. On aug 5th he died in our home with me holding his hand. I know he is in a better place and he is out of pain but now I am the one living in pain over lossing him. sorry about rattling on , But I have no family here, just a few freinds who are tire of seeing me so upset. They just can`t understand. I am so sorry for all your losses and am sad to think that there are so many of us in pain. Thank you all for your suport. God be with you.

Permalink Reply by Cathy on August 10, 2010 at 8:29am

I am so sorry about everyone`s loss....I am glad that I came here, I don`t feel so all alone any more. It was 1 year as of the 5th of aug. and it feels strange that just when the fog was starting to go away, it came back full force. I can`t think to do even the simple things that I do daily. It like I losed my mind. Is this normal? Thank you for all your suport and friendship.

b mohlere said:

Your story is similar to mine. I found it so hard to believe that my husband had cancer of any stage as he saw doctors every 3 months for many years as he was a type 1 diabetic. How could it be missed? Four months from diagnosis he was gone -- from his treatment not cancer. His cancer was stage 2 but he got an infection after chemo and it was a downhill trip from there. Not only have I lost the person that mattered most, I'm bitter that it shouldn't have happened the way it did. I try so hard not to show the anger because my children struggle with it all. I miss him and am trying to get up each day and just put one foot in front of the other as best I can.

Cathy said:

It`s not fair that I must go on living when half of me is gone forever....I miss him with all my heart and I still cry all the time. I can`t understand how a healthy man can go to a doctor because of back pain and be told he had lung cancer. How can the two be connected to one anouther? And that it was stage 4 lung cancer and it already traveled though his body inculding his brain. He went to the doctor every 3 months for a check up because of his heart, it was a minor problem. With all the blood work and testing, why couldn`t they see something was going on? April 1st 2009 {fool`s day} He was told he had cancer, had all the treatments to prolong his life, but only made him sicker. By the middle of july he was no long able to do any thing for himself, he didn`t want to go to the hospital, So I took care of him at home like he wanted. Aug 1 st, they said there was nothing more they could do for him, So for the next 5 days I watched him dieing and felt helpless. He was in so much pain and the brain tumor made him not know what was going on. On aug 5th he died in our home with me holding his hand. I know he is in a better place and he is out of pain but now I am the one living in pain over lossing him. sorry about rattling on , But I have no family here, just a few freinds who are tire of seeing me so upset. They just can`t understand. I am so sorry for all your losses and am sad to think that there are so many of us in pain. Thank you all for your suport. God be with you.

Permalink Reply by Cathy Pisciottano on July 19, 2011 at 12:28pm

Hi every one and thanks you all for being here for me. I don`t post much but I read every ones post everyday. It will be going on 2 years that he passed away and I would like to say things have gotten better but they have not. The only thing that has changed is the fact that I am able to cope with it a little better then 1 year ago but the feelings are the same. It`s a very hard time of the year for me as we met and married on july 4th, his birthday is in july and then Aug 5th he passed away. This year I choose to celabrate on those days, remember him for the good man he was and thank god for the time that i did have with him. I still miss him and want him with me but I know he is in a better place.  He is happy, healthy and is looking down on me and protecting me in a way only he knows how to do. With this knoledge I feel like I can go on with life till I finaily come home to where he is, and he will be waiting for me. That is what is keeping me going though each day

Permalink Reply by Cathy Pisciottano on July 19, 2011 at 12:28pm

Hi every one and thanks you all for being here for me. I don`t post much but I read every ones post everyday. It will be going on 2 years that he passed away and I would like to say things have gotten better but they have not. The only thing that has changed is the fact that I am able to cope with it a little better then 1 year ago but the feelings are the same. It`s a very hard time of the year for me as we met and married on july 4th, his birthday is in july and then Aug 5th he passed away. This year I choose to celabrate on those days, remember him for the good man he was and thank god for the time that i did have with him. I still miss him and want him with me but I know he is in a better place.  He is happy, healthy and is looking down on me and protecting me in a way only he knows how to do. With this knoledge I feel like I can go on with life till I finaily come home to where he is, and he will be waiting for me. That is what is keeping me going though each day

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