Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on August 30, 2010 at 8:55am

The anger I had wasn't directed at God.I was mad at myself,at my husband and the world.That has subsided somewhat.I do have a shorter fuse than I used to.But I also see my sense of humor returning.I don't think our hearts will ever mend,I think we learn to live with it.And as we all know the "Dark"days are lurking in the background.Only needing some small thing the bring it out.Then we go on til the next time.Good luck in your journey.Give yourself time to grieve.Don't expect too much to soon.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on August 30, 2010 at 7:28pm

LIZ, I HAVE ALOT OF ANGER TOWARDS GOD, CANCER, HAPPY COUPLES, JUST MY WHOLE SITUATION IN GENERAL. I HAVE TOLD ALOT OF PEOPLE HOW GUILTY I FEEL BEING SO ANGRY ESPECIALLY AT GOD. THEY TOLD ME IT WAS OK BECAUSE GOD IS A BIG ENOUGH PERSON TO HANDLE IT AND HE WILL FORGIVE ME. I HAVE REALLY WANTED TO TRY AND FIND A CHURCH TO GET INVOLVED IN BUT I FIND MYSELF MAKING UP ALL KINDS OF EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING IT. I CAN TRULY SAY THAT SINCE MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY IN FEB. 2010 I HAVE HAD ALOT OF CHAOS IN MY LIFE. SO I AM NOT ONLY GRIEVING BUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH ALOT OF OTHER THINGS THAT SEEMED TO RUN SMOOTHLY WHEN HE WAS ALIVE.I ASK MYSELF EVERYDAY WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY MY LIFE HAS TURNED OUT LIKE THIS AND REALLY DONT KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN STAND. I DO KNOW THAT NO MATTER HOW ANGRY I AM AT GOD I MUST CONTINUE TO PRAY BECAUSE WITHOUT SOME KIND OF FAITH AND HOPE HOW CAN I EVER EXPECT THINGS TO GET ANY BETTER FOR ME.I HAVE HAD ALOT OF PEOPLE TELLING ME TO HAVE FAITH THAT I JUST CANT SEE THE BIG PICTURE FOR MY LIFE THE WAY GOD CAN. THAT IS TRUE I CANNOT. I JUST KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW I FEEL VERY HOPELESS AND FEEL LIKE I NEED GOD TO HELP BRING ME OUT OF THIS.I AM A VERY INPATIENT PERSON I DONT LIKE TO WAIT. I HAVE TO LEARN THAT IT ISNT MY TIMING THAT I AM ON IT IS GODS TIMING. THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY HARD FOR ME.I HOPE THAT I HAVE BEEN OF SOME HELP.

Liza Smith said:

Thanks to everyone who responded with such insight and thoughtfulness. A month has past since I first posted this message and I can say that I feeling a little better, but my heart is still broken. I don't understand why God takes away our most beloved and leaves us with such emptiness. How can this cruelty be from the hand of a so called loving God? I know it is wrong to question His plan, but I can't help the bitterness I feel. I don't know how I can ever trust God again. I feel so betrayed by Him. I know this is awful and that I'm a bad person because of it, but I have sincerely lost all my faith that the world is a good place with a loving God at the helm. Has anyone else felt this anger at God?

Permalink Reply by judy on August 31, 2010 at 12:09am

I was very angry with God after my 17 year old son died. I haven't had to deal with that as much with my husband's death, just deep pain. It's normal to have anger and you can ask God as many questions as you want to. I did get some answers that I needed. I guess I am not angry because we did have 47 wonderful years together, I wish we could have had more but many people don't get near as many. I wish death did not happen but it does. I would have preferred to have gone first but I really wouldn't want my husband to have to go through this pain. I do look on each day I live as one day closer to my husband and that helps. I think that God understands you anger. I don't think death was part of His plan. You are in my thoughts and my prayers. I have been on grief's path for seven months. Some days are better than others but this is a long time journey. However, keep posting, it helps.

CINDY POWELL said:

LIZ, I HAVE ALOT OF ANGER TOWARDS GOD, CANCER, HAPPY COUPLES, JUST MY WHOLE SITUATION IN GENERAL. I HAVE TOLD ALOT OF PEOPLE HOW GUILTY I FEEL BEING SO ANGRY ESPECIALLY AT GOD. THEY TOLD ME IT WAS OK BECAUSE GOD IS A BIG ENOUGH PERSON TO HANDLE IT AND HE WILL FORGIVE ME. I HAVE REALLY WANTED TO TRY AND FIND A CHURCH TO GET INVOLVED IN BUT I FIND MYSELF MAKING UP ALL KINDS OF EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING IT. I CAN TRULY SAY THAT SINCE MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY IN FEB. 2010 I HAVE HAD ALOT OF CHAOS IN MY LIFE. SO I AM NOT ONLY GRIEVING BUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH ALOT OF OTHER THINGS THAT SEEMED TO RUN SMOOTHLY WHEN HE WAS ALIVE.I ASK MYSELF EVERYDAY WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY MY LIFE HAS TURNED OUT LIKE THIS AND REALLY DONT KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN STAND. I DO KNOW THAT NO MATTER HOW ANGRY I AM AT GOD I MUST CONTINUE TO PRAY BECAUSE WITHOUT SOME KIND OF FAITH AND HOPE HOW CAN I EVER EXPECT THINGS TO GET ANY BETTER FOR ME.I HAVE HAD ALOT OF PEOPLE TELLING ME TO HAVE FAITH THAT I JUST CANT SEE THE BIG PICTURE FOR MY LIFE THE WAY GOD CAN. THAT IS TRUE I CANNOT. I JUST KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW I FEEL VERY HOPELESS AND FEEL LIKE I NEED GOD TO HELP BRING ME OUT OF THIS.I AM A VERY INPATIENT PERSON I DONT LIKE TO WAIT. I HAVE TO LEARN THAT IT ISNT MY TIMING THAT I AM ON IT IS GODS TIMING. THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY HARD FOR ME.I HOPE THAT I HAVE BEEN OF SOME HELP.

Liza Smith said:

Thanks to everyone who responded with such insight and thoughtfulness. A month has past since I first posted this message and I can say that I feeling a little better, but my heart is still broken. I don't understand why God takes away our most beloved and leaves us with such emptiness. How can this cruelty be from the hand of a so called loving God? I know it is wrong to question His plan, but I can't help the bitterness I feel. I don't know how I can ever trust God again. I feel so betrayed by Him. I know this is awful and that I'm a bad person because of it, but I have sincerely lost all my faith that the world is a good place with a loving God at the helm. Has anyone else felt this anger at God?

Permalink Reply by bc on August 31, 2010 at 8:30am

There is no way of mending a broken heart, all you can do is try and put some of the pieces back together. Its been 1 yr and 26 days for me and my heart still is empty and broken. I try to have some positive days and I do because that's the only gift I can give Brad for all he gave me throughout our life together. But then a meltdown will come from no where. I don't want to tell you that it will never go away, but it won't, its just that it will get a little easier to handle. I'm thinking of you, please let me know how you are doing. My email is bchamberlain@wi.rr.com if you want to email me. Are you on Facebook, alot of people here are and its a good way to keep in touch. Hugs to you!
Barb

Permalink Reply by Fernandohulya on September 1, 2010 at 6:05pm

I do not think that a broken heart can be mended, never. It will always belong to my Baby and till we meet again it will be still a broken heart.

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