I am so sorry for all you have been through and for the loss of your husband. I can relate as in 2007 when my husband went to have a 9 hour surgery to remove a very small growth from inside his mouth they removed a long vein, muscle grafts and skin grafts from his arm and thigh which took a long time but did heal all to reconstruct inside his face. During the surgery they took out perfectly good saliva glands and lymph nodes because that's where they said the cancer would go next and they did a biopsy of his esophagus because we told them he had choking episodes in the past they discovered he had a mass of a separate cancer in which case after some months went by he received 28 radiation treatments as well as chemo. The chemo made him very sick so he would only have one for the whole five days he had to have port to pump the chemicals. After they took it out he just couldn't take any more chemo. The treatments he did receive got rid of the cancer in his esophagus but the radiation resulted in dysphagia which meant it kept closing and he had to get a gastroscopy every 2 months because it kept closing so they had to give him an IV (he said that was the worst part of the procedure because we always had to ask for an IV nurse but they sometimes didn't listen and they would give it to him the wrong way it was burning searing pain). He knew he'd need another every time he would eat and a tiny piece of food got stuck because it was closing up, he had 12 of them in all. Other things were going on, one time a biopsy they took while they were giving him a gastroscopy confirmed he also had Malt Tumor Lymphoma in his abdomen. The port they put in was removed. The stomach feeding tube they implanted dislodged and that became painful and they did emergency surgery when Dan told them to just take it out. In March of 09 he had a muscle spasm in his upper back which we tried creams, heating pads, and a chiropractor. He had cat scans and pet scans and the rash caused by the IV dye, the needle biopsy in his neck muscle that Dan said he had to be awake for it so it was the worst of all the pain he ever experienced in his life which was when they found out that the cancer mass that was in his esophagus went into his brachial plexus in his shoulder and back which rendered his whole right arm eventually useless and after the 11 additional radiation treatments the radiation doctor said on December 18, 09 that the treatments didn't get the cancer, he didn't know where it would go next and he didn't know how long he had left to live. Even then my brain went into a fog and the entire time since this nightmare began on December 21, 2007 when he had the 9 hour surgery and they took the biopsy we both thought that there would be a cure, or healing, or a miracle or something. It was 35 days after that follow-up that Danny (my husband of 39 years) passed away and on his death certificate it states his reason for death as esophageal cancer because of the reoccurance that went into his back. He ended up at home in our small apartment with me as his caregiver, me being his nurse, secretary, comforter, even until the very end I was kind of numb to what was really happening. It didn't even hit me with him being in the hospital bed, a wheelchair (that he never used) a walking cane, a walker, a commode, and a humungous oxygen holder that looked like a missile waiting to be launched. His sisters and our sons and family came over and the night before he saw our new 7 day old baby granddaughter (we have 4 grandsons) for the first and last time and then he passed in the early hours on January 22, 2010. I remember saying to him at one time while holding his hands and looking into his eyes that he shouldn't worry about me, God will take care of me. But I never had a clue it would be like this. Talk about a cruel twist of fate. It is such an emotional roller coaster with tears, fears, sadness, anger, madness, knowing we won't be together to watch our sons and
Tammy,I'm so sorry for your loss and yes it was a cruel twist of fate,my husband passed 4-29-09 and even tho I have good days there are plenty of horrible days we were together 32 yrs. married 16,time does help ease the pain but the lonelyness never goes away,even tho mike was sick for 10 yrs. with emphysema his death was unexpected he had a massive heart attack at home and everything was done to bring him back but he was on life support for 3 more days,again i'm so sorry for your loss this site is very good and helpfull, god bless
Your story is heartbreaking, and a cruel twist of fate for sure. I am told things do get easier with time. Everyone grieves differently and that grief lasts different lengths of time. My husband died on 2/7/10, almost 6 months ago now. I have good days and then a stretch of days that are horrible. I am so lonely without him, he was my best friend and soulmate, we were married 24 years.Yet I can see, that there are others on this site that seem to be struggling after a year or more.
My curel twist of fate----My husband was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma last July. He went through chemo and the test showed the cancer was gone. The first suspicious masses were found in his neck and breast bone. And even though those masses were also gone, they wanted to do radiation to be sure no low-grade cells remained to flare up again. So we did the radiation, his last treatment was 12/28, and he was driving himself to these treatments. As the new year started we were so hopeful, and expected him to start gaining strength and getting his appetite back. But by the third week in Jan. it became clear something wasn't right. He was having all kinds of trouble breathing. And on 2/7 he was gone. He died of pulmonary fibrosis, scaring of his lungs. This was the result of the radiation to his chest. Why weren't we told this could happen, and why weren't we given the option to just follow closely with test and hold off on the radiation.
We all wanted more time with our loved ones. But God had other plans. Hold on to your good memories and cherish the time you and Jeff had, it will get you through this. Hugs to you.
I am so sorry for your loss and the ensuing emotional pain you are going through. I can relate as my husband passed away after a reoccurance of the esophageal cancer that the treatments got rid of, but then the treatments resulted in him having to have his esophagus stretched every 2 months, he had 12 in all. He had lots of anguish, and pain and had gone through so, so much. It's too complex and long to go into so I will spare you and everyone the details again but I really do know how you feel because I feel it to. It has been over 6 months since Danny passed away and well, just suffice it to say I never knew it would be like this, even though I'm very glad he is no longer suffering, I still feel waves of emotions as on a roller coaster, some days are better than others for me. I pray you have peace somehow. I don't know if this will help but after someone has esophageal cancer or so I've heard that only 10% survive. Well, it seemed to make sense to me, I hope this bit of info didn't offend you in any way. But what really has helped me was to share my deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings here and by attending Bereavement support groups provided by Hospice. I believe the pain is all the same for us all. But each one of us has their own unique way of not getting over our loss, but getting through it. You are in my prayers. Take care.
Hello Tammy, this is Tom.
It sounds like your husband did remarkably well during his recovery.
My Loni had stage four breast cancer and did as well.
Four large tumors in her lung and cancerous fluid around that lung that had to be drained. All gone with the chemotheropy treatments.
Loni was on chemotheropy for two and a half years. When all that disappeared cancer was found in her liver and in a rib bone. More, but different chemotheropy treatments and those disappeared also. Loni was cancer free after that. Two months later it came back, and this time it was terminal. It was in her upper spine and going into her brain. Loni was in the hospital those last nine days. Most all of them unconsious. On the fourth day Loni woke up and was clear minded, but couldn't talk. Loni wanted to tell me she loved me, so she took my hand and put it to her mouth. I thought she was going to kiss me, but instead she put my finger in her mouth and bit me really hard, and then smiled at me.
I understood what that meant and laughed. You see that's what all of our 11 cats would do to Loni to show their affection and love to Loni. There is a way to commuicate if you know what to look for. I told Loni I would take care of all the kitties and myself. That was the last time we had together while Loni was awake.
Later that night Loni went unconsious and never woke back up.
Loni died in a coma on the 9th day. I'm glad to hear you did your research about stage four cancer, as I did on everything during the two and a half years of Loni's treatments. I knew everything that she would be doing and the procedures she would be would be going through. Like your husband, Loni didn't want to know about it. I would only tell her what I thought she should know about, as the things were being done, to calm her. Loni did know she was dying and was ready for it. It was a long fight, and Loni was so tired of it. I wish more people with stage four cancer would understand that there is no cure for cancer at that stage, or any stage, but there is hope it will not come back at the earlier stages. Once it is in stage four, it's already traveling through out the body and every cancer cell can not be killed, only the most active ones will respond to the chemotheropy treatments. It's still a shock when you are told it's terminal. Loni never heard that, but she knew. These days when I think about Loni I smile, but not today.
Today is one of those days that sneeks up on you, and it's a sad day for me.
Loni died on December 9th,2009.