Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Virginia on August 1, 2010 at 9:32pm

Mary,I'm so sorry I didn't relize it has only been 6 months for you as you always have something uplifting to say to all of us and i truely do thank you for your kindness,I also know how you feel sitting everyday for what the lonelyness is terrible and as you said familys have their lives to live, but we are here until the god lord says otherwise and somehow we continue. I will keep you in my prayers, god bless

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on August 1, 2010 at 10:21pm

Mary D, I am sorry for your sadness and your loss. After 44 years with LouAnn I cant cope without her. I am so proud she chose this stubborn and bullheaded hungarian guy like me. I too, wanted more time. I never got to say goodbye or anything as she died suddenly And just that sudden my life was gone instantly. I can only share with you.I can only offer you an ear and a great big hug. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by judy on August 1, 2010 at 10:33pm

I agree Mary you are going through a bad time. Mine starts in Oct. My son's death anniversary is 10/22, my husband's birthday is 11/26, my son's birthday is 12/4 and my husband's first year anniversary date is 1/26/11. In between is Halloween, Thanksgiving, my daughter's birthday, my grandson's birthday, Christmas and New Years. I think I would like to leave town on 10/21 but I guess it wouldn't help, the dates would still be there. Your faith is what is holding you up, I feel the same, but it is hard. Ill pray for you and you pray for me.

Permalink Reply by Mary on August 2, 2010 at 7:19am

Wow Brenda,
Your story is so similar to mine. I almost feel like I could have written it. Jim died on Feb 7th. I lost my first husband to corhn's diseaser when he was 39. I had 3 children, ages 2,10 amd 12. My life was also occupied raising them and working. It was so different then. I was busy and even tho' I loved my husband, the grieving wasn't the same as now. Then along came Jim. Three weeks after we met we were engaged and three months later married. I planned to grow old with him also. Problem was that he was 10 years older than me. So he was 74 when he died. He said not too long before he died, that he had a good life, that he would hope for 10 more years. But, of course, that wasn't to be. He was also in the Navy (reserve). My first husband was a disabled veteran and he died of his 100% service connected disability. I am waiting on the government to reinstate his DIC benefit to me. But they are running 6 months behind in doing anything. I'm told it is not if I get it, but when. I too would give anything to have my husband's arms around me, to hold his hand again. I didn't know when he went in for the lung biopsy that day, that I would never talk to him again and that 3 days later he would be gone. I am glad you are at peace, stay strong. We will all get through this. Hugs to you.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on August 2, 2010 at 10:13pm

mary d.,
i will keep you in my prayers as you have an anniversary to get through. i just got through mine on july the 17th, it would have been 11 years. i think the firsts are probably the hardest to get through. it was 5 months for me on july 17th, that i lost my husband.you said your faith is what has gotten you this far, and i am glad that it will continue too.i pray everyday for God to give me strength to make it through another day.i will be thinking of you on saturday.

Permalink Reply by Connie on August 3, 2010 at 11:21pm

Mary, I will be sharing this awful time with you. August 9th will be 9 months since Phil passed and August 19th would have been his birthday. I can feel myself going downhill as these days get closer. I am trying not to let my children know how I am feeling. Today my grandaughter, Erika - 11 years old, came to stay with me for the night. My 15 year old grandson also came over for the night. They can take my mind off of things and have certainly brightened my day. I find myself getting so depressed that I don't want to do anything. The dishes can sit in the sink. I don't care if the floors are done. The only thing that is clean is my bed and that is because I cannot sleep in there. Today, though, knowing that Erika was coming over I did the dishes, cleaned up the floors, dusted a bit and made things look better here. I still cannot cook though. We had Chinese food. I hope that things will be a little better after his birthday passes. My daughter and son-in-law are taking me to Disney in Florida on August 26th for a week. I am so fortunate to have such caring children. I hope that will perk me up a bit. I have never been there and, despite the heat, I am looking forward to going and to spending the week with the kids. Mary, I will keep you in my prayers and I am going to need all the prayer I can get these next few weeks. God Bless You.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on August 4, 2010 at 7:22am

mary: you are always in my prayers i know just how you feel when that special day arrives i would have been married to my best friend for 36 years he was a polish prince ha ha he was the best thing that happened to me we must keep each other in our prayers each and every day mary i found friends on this website this website is all i talk about and tell people go on it and you will be surprised how many different stories people have on the loss of their spouses. mary again you will be in my prayers i will make a special prayer for you on that day

Permalink Reply by bc on August 4, 2010 at 8:28am

Mary, I will be thinking and praying for you on the 7th, I know what you are going through, I got through the 6 month day, and now tomorrow it will be the one year anniversary of Brad's death. I'm finding it hard to see what my purpose here is, I guess its to be here for my kids, even though they are grown, they do need me here, occasionally to direct them. Try and stay positive and know that you are helping all of us by being on this site. We are all here for each other and its a great support system.
Take care, I'll be thinking of you. If you want to just talk and get it out, call me 44-852-3422.
Hugs to you!
Barb

Permalink Reply by bc on August 4, 2010 at 8:28am

Mary, I will be thinking and praying for you on the 7th, I know what you are going through, I got through the 6 month day, and now tomorrow it will be the one year anniversary of Brad's death. I'm finding it hard to see what my purpose here is, I guess its to be here for my kids, even though they are grown, they do need me here, occasionally to direct them. Try and stay positive and know that you are helping all of us by being on this site. We are all here for each other and its a great support system.
Take care, I'll be thinking of you. If you want to just talk and get it out, call me 44-852-3422.
Hugs to you!
Barb

Permalink Reply by Joan on August 6, 2010 at 10:06pm

Mary, I will also be going through a rough stretch this weekend. Tomorrow would be our 24th anniversary, and the 8th will be four months since my Jim died of a heart attack. I have told my friends I just want to be alone. I don't want to have to put on a front. If I want to cry, that's what I'll do. I cannot even think how bad Christmas will be this year. That's one thing we always did, spend the holiday at the home of one of our kids. Last year was so great, we ALL got together, kids, grandkids and dogs. That is the first time we have ALL been together in years. God must have had a hand in that.

It seems that I was better last month than this month. I guess because of the anniversary. I can't sleep, even with meds. I'm sure I'd feel better if I could only sleep. I will pray for you this weekend, please pray for me. The next two days are going to be rough and I plan to go to the cemetery both days. (as I usually do)

Permalink Reply by re on August 9, 2010 at 1:27pm

Hi Mary, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband who you loved dearly. One of the things that has helped many people to cope with the death of a loved one is by turning to God for hope. In the Bible, it helps us to see that it was not God's original purpose for mankind to die. But in the Bible God foretells what he promises to do in the near future. This is brought out in the Bible book of John 5:28,29 where it says "Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out,..." These verses helps us to see that soon God is going to bring about conditions on this earth where he will resurrect those who had died in the past. This gives us hope because you have that hope of seeing Jim once again, but in perfect health. This is no type of fairy tale or a feel good story. In the Bible it gives us examples of those who had been resurrected in the past. But God plans to do this on a worldwide scale. But until that time comes Jehovah God encourages us to pray to him with our anxieties. This is brought out in the Bible book of Psalms 55:22 where it says: "Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, And he himself will sustain you. Never will he allow the righteous one to totter." These verses helps us to see by us praying to Jehovah God with whatever is causing us emotional or mental pain, we can have that full trust of him sustaining us, because he knows exactly what we are going through. If you want to find out more on how the Bible can help bring you hope and comfort, feel free to send me a message.

Permalink Reply by bc on August 22, 2010 at 8:53pm

Sorry my phone number is 414-852-3422. I forgot the 1, I hope you are doing okay, I've found a little peace since the 1 yr anniversary of Brads passing on Aug 5th but all of a sudden it will hit me again. No warnings...its just there and I break down and cry again. I know I've been told this can go on for years, I don't care about it for me, but my daughters wish I could be happy again, I tell them I will never be the same person again, but I will try to be their Mom again. I miss Brad so very much, we had so many more hopes and dreams to come true. Bless you, I'm thinking of you always!
Hugs, Barb

Barb said:

Mary, I will be thinking and praying for you on the 7th, I know what you are going through, I got through the 6 month day, and now tomorrow it will be the one year anniversary of Brad's death. I'm finding it hard to see what my purpose here is, I guess its to be here for my kids, even though they are grown, they do need me here, occasionally to direct them. Try and stay positive and know that you are helping all of us by being on this site. We are all here for each other and its a great support system.
Take care, I'll be thinking of you. If you want to just talk and get it out, call me 44-852-3422.
Hugs to you!
Barb