How to I get through the long nights.

I just recently became a widow just little over a month ago. My husband and had been married almost 10 yrs and was not the best marriage. At the time of his death I was out of state and my son found him. We new each other way back in the late 60's and dated in my senior yr. I am really having a hard time at night being here by myself, I am not one that likes to be alone and at times I find myself just sitting and crying just to get through the night. I often pray to god to let me get through another day and most times he listens.

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Permalink Reply by Connie on August 8, 2010 at 2:58pm

Judy, My sincere sympathy to you. I lost my husband 9 months ago tomorrow (8/9). I had never in my life lived alone. Our youngest daughter is a senior at a University in Pennsylvania and is at school most of the time. She is a sweetheart and comes home most weekends so that I am not alone all the time. We were married when I was 18. We would have celebrated our 46th wedding anniversary on October 15 but he was completely sedated and had no idea that there was a world around him. My heart is broken. I still cry and take meds to get through the night. I went so many nights without sleeping that I needed rest. I wish I could tell you that it would get easier but it hasn't gotten any easier for me. Not yet anyway! Prayer is about the best thing for you to get you through this. You will find many wonderful people on this site also that will help you tremendously. We are all suffering together. God Bless You and I will remember you in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Fernandohulya on August 8, 2010 at 6:16pm

Hello Judy, my deepest sympathy on your husbands loss it is a unimaginable feeling we all have after lossing a loved one. I love my husband forever and believe me when I say every marriage has it bumps so do not thread on little trival things but remember the good times you both had. Sometimes, I still have a guilt trip on how I could have handled better ( I meant his care he had cancer) what I could have done better and I wish I could have had the opportunity to do things differently. Every night I am missing my Baby Fernando so much by my side like mad, trying to get over the pain that he is not with me anymore and the little conversations we had together or how his day was and all the nick nacks. I am taken each day as it comes with little baby steps otherwise I get overwhelmed in dealing with so many things to do. I wish your the best.

with lots of hugs

Permalink Reply by judy on August 8, 2010 at 11:53pm

Connie, I had never spent one night alone until Tim died. Always had someone, the kids when he had to go out of town which was rarely. The first two weeks my daughters took turns spending the night with me but I knew I eventually had to do it alone. I called the doctor and got some sleeping pills. I have been able to reduce the dosage over the past month but still have a hard time. My youngest daughter brings her five year old and her husband and spends the night on the monthly anniversary date, I find this helps even if it is only once a month. They insist they enjoy it, I know it helps. I will adjust I suppose but I can tell you I don't like it.

Connie said:

Judy, My sincere sympathy to you. I lost my husband 9 months ago tomorrow (8/9). I had never in my life lived alone. Our youngest daughter is a senior at a University in Pennsylvania and is at school most of the time. She is a sweetheart and comes home most weekends so that I am not alone all the time. We were married when I was 18. We would have celebrated our 46th wedding anniversary on October 15 but he was completely sedated and had no idea that there was a world around him. My heart is broken. I still cry and take meds to get through the night. I went so many nights without sleeping that I needed rest. I wish I could tell you that it would get easier but it hasn't gotten any easier for me. Not yet anyway! Prayer is about the best thing for you to get you through this. You will find many wonderful people on this site also that will help you tremendously. We are all suffering together. God Bless You and I will remember you in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on August 9, 2010 at 7:12pm

JUDY,
ALL MARRIAGES HAVE THEIR ROCKY ROADS. I DO NOT BELIEVE THEIR IS ONE PERFECT MARRIAGE. I KNOW THAT MINE WASNT. HOWEVER, I HAVE NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT MY HUSBAND LOVED ME.HE WAS THEIR FOR ME WHEN NO ONE ELSE WAS. HE REALLY FELT BAD ABOUT LEAVING ME, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT HE KNEW HOW DIFFICULT IT WOULD BE FOR ME.I TOO, AM HAVING A HARD TIME BEING BY MYSELF. MY DAUGHTER MOVED BACK IN WITH ME BUT WE DONT SEE MUCH OF EACH OTHER . WE WORK DIFFERENT SHIFTS. WE DONT HAVE THE SAME DAYS OFF AND SHE IS 23 AND DOESNT WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HER MOTHER. BESIDES OUR CHILDREN CANT TAKE THE PLACE OF OUR SPOUSE.I DO ALOT OF PRAYING MAINLY IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS AND ON THE WEEK ENDS BECAUSE THAT IS WHEN I FEEL THE MOST ALONE. I HAVE RECENTLY BEEN HAVING AN EXTREMELY HARD TIME, MAYBE I FINALLY HAVE BECOME AWARE OF HOW ALONE I REALLY AM.BUT I DO HOPE THINGS GET BETTER FOR YOU, AND HOPE YOU KNOW THAT ON THIS SITE YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.