Hi Cindy, I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel, on 4-29-09 I lost my soul mate and the love of my life and he was sick for 10 yrs. with emphysema and I was the sole care giver and mornings were and are the hardest for me we were together 32 yrs. and married for 16 would have been 17 on may 15th. What did your husband pass from if i may ask, and you are right even tho we knew they were going to die it was just as hard. Mike my husband had a massive heart attack here at home and was on life support for 3 more days I don't think we are ever ready to loose anyone so close to us, maybe greatfull they are not suffering anymore but still not wanting to go on without them it is a rollercoaster ride everyday one minute your good then the next a basket case even after this long some days are just unbearable. You are at the right place this site is a lot of help as we are all going thru the same thing. God Bless
Connie, Please accept my sincere sympathy on your loss. I wish that I could tell you that it will be better soon but that would not be true. I lost my husband on 11/9/09 and I still cannot deal with life. I wait for the day that I will be beside him again. Sadly, that is what I think of and wait for. I have a beautiful family and they devote their lives to me but that is not what I want and need. I cannot have what I want and need because he is gone forever. We were married 46 years. We grew up together and I know no other life than the life I lived with my sweetheart. The only bright note I have is that I just got a new puppy a few weeks ago and my grandaughter named her "Tootsie". My husband called me tootsie all the time and I find myself (and everyone else does it) calling her "Hey Toots" which was what he always called me when he needed something. It has kind of brought him back in a strange, small way. This little puppy is my saving grace right now.
First I want to say I am so very sorry for your loss. My husband was very ill for at least 8 years and on dialysis for most of that time. He developed complications which ended up in taking his life. The infection was to bad and he just couldn't recover and never made it out of the hospital that last time. I knew for a long time that being on dialysis the time would finally come when it wouldn't work anymore and I would lose him but I still was not prepared for his death. My nights were the worst for me. When I would go to bed at night and look at that empty side of the bed I would totally lose it. I knew at that moment he would never be sharing that side of the bed ever again. My daughter and her husband were living with us at the time but still I felt so very alone. Was so hard to get up out of bed or to do anything. Had to go to work but I think I just went through the motions there too. Family try to be supportive but you have to grieve in your own way and find your own way back. I always tried to be the strong one but didn't feel strong then. Like you I realized that he had been my rock and I don't think he knew it either. I have since remarried but for a long time I still couldn't be happy even though I have such a wonderful supportive husband. I just couldn't open up to him about the pain I was feeling inside. Thank God I heard about this website and after hearing from people on here, things have greatly improved in my life and marriage. I sure hope that you start feeling better soon. Please take care.