Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on August 8, 2010 at 2:05pm

Greetings, Connie,

I am so very sorry for the death of your beloved husband, who you cared for until the very, very end.

Not only do you suffer his loss - missing his presence, tending to him, talking, touching, everything - but your time was filled with his care, and now there is that vacuum.

It is so strange - I got very tired of taking apart and reassemblying Byron's mobility scooter (he died 29 June 2009), giving him baths, changing him (it is one thing to change a 5-month-old, and quite another a 55-year-old man - the changee is waaay heavier!), massaging him in a vain attempt to alleviate his pain, trying to get him to eat, trying to get him to the doctor, etc, etc.

And I will admit - there were those times when I simply wished I did NOT have to do any of those things, but now, I would _gladly_ reassemble his scooter, etc, just to be able to hear his voice, and touch him, and put my head on his chest.

And, yes, after the funeral, after the memorials - there are the long silences - the quiet nights, the long days, the long weekends without your beloved. Few others will be able to hear you talk about your sweetie without squirming or trying to change the subject - but find one who will, and talk about him, cry all you want, grieve as much as you need to.

I still cry, at times, in the supermarket parking lot, in the Post Office parking lot, in the mall parking lot, in the ladies room, in the garage at work, in the garage at home - it was Byron's time to go, and he was in so much agony and so much pain (when your liver is unhappy, believe me, _you_ are unhappy!) - I am relieved he is no longer in pain, but I miss him so much!

Peace, comfort, blessing, grace and healing be upon you - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on August 8, 2010 at 2:05pm

Greetings, Connie,

I am so very sorry for the death of your beloved husband, who you cared for until the very, very end.

Not only do you suffer his loss - missing his presence, tending to him, talking, touching, everything - but your time was filled with his care, and now there is that vacuum.

It is so strange - I got very tired of taking apart and reassembling Byron's mobility scooter (he died 29 June 2009), giving him baths, changing him (it is one thing to change a 5-month-old, and quite another a 55-year-old man - the changee is waaay heavier!), massaging him in a vain attempt to alleviate his pain, trying to get him to eat, trying to get him to the doctor, etc, etc.

And I will admit - there were those times when I simply wished I did NOT have to do any of those things, but now, I would _gladly_ reassemble his scooter, etc, just to be able to hear his voice, and touch him, and put my head on his chest.

And, yes, after the funeral, after the memorials - there are the long silences - the quiet nights, the long days, the long weekends without your beloved. Few others will be able to hear you talk about your sweetie without squirming or trying to change the subject - but find one who will, and talk about him, cry all you want, grieve as much as you need to.

I still cry, at times, in the supermarket parking lot, in the Post Office parking lot, in the mall parking lot, in the ladies room, in the garage at work, in the garage at home - it was Byron's time to go, and he was in so much agony and so much pain (when your liver is unhappy, believe me, _you_ are unhappy!) - I am relieved he is no longer in pain, but I miss him so much!

Peace, comfort, blessing, grace and healing be upon you - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by judy on August 9, 2010 at 12:03am

My husband, Tim, died on 1/26/10. He died of a sudden heart attack but I think what you said is true, you are never prepared. As long as someone is alive I think in your heart of hearts you just don't feel they are going to die. When they do I think it is as big a shock as if there were no warning. Also your life involved taking care of your husband. But for most of us we were so close to our mates that we are all left with a huge vacant spot. Tim and I had been in one another's lives since elementary school. It is a terrible shock to your brain to try to accept that this totally important person is not coming back in this life. Like Suzanne I will always feel incomplete but I feel that each day I live takes me one day closer to Tim and to me that is conforting and meanwhile I try to enjoy kids and grandkids(it hurts because we both enjoyed them) but I am determined to do what i know Tim would want me to. It is true though they have their own life.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on August 9, 2010 at 7:19am

connie i am sorry for your loss it is just a few months for you loss your best friend you must try to keep on going because i am sure your husband would not like to see you this way,. keep the good memories you have your time for greiving take day by day it is not going to be easy it is very hard i still am going thru the grieving stage and it was 17months we were married going on 36years you take care of yourself and stay on this website for a long as it takes

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on August 9, 2010 at 7:41pm

CONNIE,
RIGHT NOW FOR ME THE ONLY TIME THAT I FEEL JUST A LITTLE BIT OF PEACE IS WHEN I AM AT WORK. I DO WORK A FULLTIME JOB, AND HAVE PRETTY MUCH MY WHOLE LIFE.BUT AT WORK I CAN HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO TAKE MY MIND OFF OF HOW LONELY AND LOST I AM FEELING. WHEN I AM HOME I DWELL WAY TOO MUCH ON MY LOSS AND REALLY FEEL VERY ANXIOUS. MY MORNINGS DRAG, UNTIL I GO TO WORK, BECAUSE I CANT SLEEP LATE, AND MY WEEK ENDS ARE USUALLY ENDLESS. I DONT EVEN HAVE A COMPUTER AT HOME.I WILL PASS ON TO YOU WHAT OTHERS HAVE TOLD ME. TRY AND FIND A HOBBY YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN DOING, TRY TO GET INVOLVED IN A CHURCH, TRY TO DO SOME VOLUNTEER WORK, JOIN A GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP. I KNOW FOR ME I HAVE TO PUSH MYSELF TO DO ANYTHING.IT IS HARD FOR ME TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I HAVE NO ZEST FOR LIFE. EVERYTHING IS JUST ONE BIG CHORE FOR ME. IF I DO SOMETHING THAT I ACTUALLY PLAN TO DO, LIKE SAY VACCUM THE FLOOR, I FEEL LIKE IT IS A MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT.I AM GLAD YOU FOUND THIS WEB SITE IT SEEMS TO HAVE HELPED ALOT OF PEOPLE. MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU.

Permalink Reply by Connie on August 9, 2010 at 9:52pm

Hulya, Isn't it weird but a puppy can make life just a little easier for you. They are a lot of work, just like a baby, but it is someone who needs you and it takes your mind off of all your problems momentarily. My husband loved dogs but he liked big dogs. I can't take care of the big ones anymore. My Tootsie is a Yorkie/Jack Russel mix and will weigh between 10 and 15 lbs. fully grown. My vet thinks that she will not really go much over 10 lbs. She is a sweetheart and a spoiled little stinker. I do love her though. Phil would call her a 'yappy little dog' but she is what I can handle now. I need something that I can just pick up if I need to. Good luck with your Lab. They are beautiful dogs. Our friends had one several years ago. He was working on his car early on a Saturday morning and the only one awake with him was the dog. The car started to fall and the dog pulled him from under it. It landed on his shoulder but he could have been killed had it not been for the dog. Good luck to you.

Permalink Reply by Dixie Olson on August 10, 2010 at 8:06am

Connie: I LIKED TO WRAP MY ARMS AROUND YOU AND TELL YOU, THAT YOU ARE LOVED, ON THIS SITE WE ALL SHARE PAIN ALL IN DIFFERANT WAYS, BUT COMING HERE MEANS YOUR NOT ALONE WHILE YOU ARE HAVING YOUR CRYING TIME I WOULD LIKE YOU TO FIND TWO BLANKETS, QUILTS ARE BEST AND WRAP YOURSELF UP AS IF YOUR LOVED ONE IS HOLDING YOU, AND LET YOUR TEARS FLOW, IT'S PART OF THE HEALING PROCESS, IT'S SAD TO HEAR THAT YOUR FAMILY IS TO BUSY TO TAKE TIME FOR YOU, I KNOW MY FRIENDS DISAPEARED LIKE I HAD THE FLU, AND LIKE YOU I BECAME RECLUSE, I WOULD PANIC IF I HAD TO GO TO TOWN, ETC, BUT I PULLED MYSELF TOGETHER AN WENT OUT INTO THE WORLD AGAIN, CONNIE IST'S BEEN 6 YEARS SINCE MY HUSBAND DIED, IN FACT IT WAS THIS MONTH ON THE 4TH, IVE WALKED TO THE VALLEY OF HELL, BUT GOD WAS WITH ME AN HE BROUGHT ME THROUGH THE OTHER SIDE. COME AND SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH US, WE LOVE YOU AND WANT TO HELP YOU ANYWAY WE CAN..IT;S ONE DAY AT A TIME CONNIE lv and blessings to you

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