This is hard. It will be 3 weeks tomorrow that Ronnie has died and I am so alone. He was my everything and now he is gone and I can't wrap my heart around this. I just want him here. My kids are away for the weekend and I am really alone. People keep asking me to stay the night with them but for some reason I feel like if I sleep somewhere else he will not know where I am at. I know that this is not true but I get anxiety if I even think about staying somewhere else other than in our bed. I miss my husband so bad. It is killing me inside that he will not walk through that door again. My soul aches so bad. God please help me. I have never felt this type of pain and it hurts.

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Hi Tamu, my heart goes out to you--this is sooooo hard.  I lost my Forrest just about 3 months ago.  He was also my everything, I cannot remember most of the first month after I lost him, my memory of that month is like a muddled nightmare.  I don't have many words of comfort for you---this is the worst pain I have ever felt.  I miss him so very much.  All I can think about now is all the years stretching out before me without him and I think, 'How am I supposed to do this?'  I don't know the answer.  Please accept my heartfelt empathy for you, I really do know how you feel.

Tamu, I am so sorry you have joined this club that nobody wants to be in.  I lost my husband in December of 2010.  I still remember the pain I felt at the beginning.  He was older than me, and I knew he would probably go first.  As prepared as I thought I was, I was not prepared.  I walked around in a fog.  I now understand what they mean when they say to not make any important decisions in that early period.  After the funeral, his children completely abandoned me.  I had to move out of our marital home (I knew that before I married him, and had another house to move into).  You have had part of your soul ripped out of your body.  You have a wound that takes time to heal.  Because it is invisible, others are not aware of it.  They think you should be over it and ready to move on in about 6 weeks.  It doesn't work like that.   It does eventually get better, but even in my third year, I think daily about Dave and the things we had together.   I certainly understand not wanting to sleep somewhere else.  You need to keep that one connection with your Ronnie.  He knows where you are, and is probably watching over you.  We don't always recognize the signs, and sometimes, they are so difficult to notice.   Let the tears flow.  It is really ok to cry.  I tell people that tears have salt, salt heals wounds, so tears help to heal the wound in your soul!  Take all the hugs you can get.  There is something comforting in the touch of others. 

I am sending hugs to you.  Have courage as you walk this road alone with the rest of us.  We are all at different places, but we are all on this road together.

Thank you Mrs. MaggieP for that inspiring message. Greatly appreciated.

Thank you for the Hugs as well. :-)


MaggieP said:

Tamu, I am so sorry you have joined this club that nobody wants to be in.  I lost my husband in December of 2010.  I still remember the pain I felt at the beginning.  He was older than me, and I knew he would probably go first.  As prepared as I thought I was, I was not prepared.  I walked around in a fog.  I now understand what they mean when they say to not make any important decisions in that early period.  After the funeral, his children completely abandoned me.  I had to move out of our marital home (I knew that before I married him, and had another house to move into).  You have had part of your soul ripped out of your body.  You have a wound that takes time to heal.  Because it is invisible, others are not aware of it.  They think you should be over it and ready to move on in about 6 weeks.  It doesn't work like that.   It does eventually get better, but even in my third year, I think daily about Dave and the things we had together.   I certainly understand not wanting to sleep somewhere else.  You need to keep that one connection with your Ronnie.  He knows where you are, and is probably watching over you.  We don't always recognize the signs, and sometimes, they are so difficult to notice.   Let the tears flow.  It is really ok to cry.  I tell people that tears have salt, salt heals wounds, so tears help to heal the wound in your soul!  Take all the hugs you can get.  There is something comforting in the touch of others. 

I am sending hugs to you.  Have courage as you walk this road alone with the rest of us.  We are all at different places, but we are all on this road together.

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