Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by bc on September 29, 2010 at 10:00pm

It is not easy to get through any holiday without Brad, last Christmas was really hard on me because he had just left in August. I made it through somehow, I think I was still numb. I don't know how I'm going to do it this year as reality has set in, but for Brad I will make it through somehow. Don't sit and anticipate it, just make plans ahead of time so it doesn't sneak up on you...I'm one to talk...I have no clue how I'm going to handle it! Have a good and restful night. I'm here for you!

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on September 29, 2010 at 11:17pm

Joan, ther is no way to tell you how to handle these situations.We are all in turmoil and whatever we do we will probably go through it and pay some kind of price. For we will always have second thoughts and wonder if we did the right thing. All i can say is just do what you want. Only you can decide what you want or dont want to do. Hugs to you. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by pippa on September 29, 2010 at 11:41pm

.. we had to rush Liza to the hospital last Thanksgiving morning...it was her first onset of malignant bowel obstruction- and thus her death sentence. I cannot accept the holidays in any way , shape or form this year except to hold a fundraiser in Liza's name on her birthday-Dec 23-and hope to raise a ton of money to establish a fund in her name for ovarian cancer research. When i lost her, I lost all my joy. I have nothing to celebrate this year-and maybe not any other years either. I had to be strong for her-and I don't want to bother to go through the motions for anyone else...maybe I will just tell the 'concerned citizens' in my life that I have other plans and then spend the day on the couch with a bottle of wild turkey and football- celebrating thanksgiving in ( ghetto ) American way.

Permalink Reply by Connie on September 30, 2010 at 8:00pm

I think all the holidays are very difficult. My husband passed on 11/9/09, just weeks before Thanksgiving. I just couldn't do our traditional Thanksgiving dinner. We ate out. Christmas was horrible. Phil also liked to do Christmas shopping, especially for the grandkids. I did the shopping as best I could. I put up a tree because I know he would have wanted it that way. We spent as much time together over the holidays. I know the children did not want me to spend any time alone. It just doesn't help though because they go home at night and I am left with an empty house. I am so sorry, I was hoping to be able to cheer you up a bit but I am only making things worse. Tomorrow is October 1st. My husband went into the hospital on October 4th and within days was completely sedated on a ventilator and we were never able to talk to each other again. I am reliving the last thing he said to me at home "Honey, I don't think I am going to make it this time." He was right but I didn't believe it until it actually happened. Joan, somehow you will get through the holidays and we will all go on. I just wish there was an easier way.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on September 30, 2010 at 8:30pm

DEAR JOAN, I HAVENT EXPERIENCED MY FIRST HOLIDAY SEASON WITHOUT MY HUSBAND. HOWEVER I KNOW THAT IT IS GOING TO BE VERY HARD FOR ME. I GET REALLY FEARFUL WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT, SO I TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT.I WISH I COULD BE MORE POSITIVE TO TRY AND HELP YOU BUT I FEEL LIKE YOU, I AM NOT SURE I CAN MAKE IT. I WILL PRAY AND STAY CLOSE TO GOD THATS THE ONLY ADVICE I CAN GIVE.

Permalink Reply by Leticia Hernandez on September 30, 2010 at 9:31pm

Dear Joan,
Well my spouse will has been gone since May 3rd, so it going to be 5mos for our famiy. My grandkids were thinking about Holloween also. My spouse was a character we laughed, cried yesterday. Don't know how to deal with the holidays coming up also. I actually don't want to think about it. Avoiding the question what are you doing for holidays. I'm hoping with GOD will to plan as if my spouse is here and try to do the best I can. Just keep the faith and enjoy your children and grandkids the way your spouse would have wanted you to. One day at a time. I agree with about putting up a front, it's overwhelming for me. I will pray for you and yours wish I had a answer, Be Blessed.

Permalink Reply by Joan on September 30, 2010 at 10:18pm

Thank you all for replying to me. You are all helping me feel less alone. I'm trying to start cleaning out the garage and basement, full of my husbands things. I'll probably have to have a sale, but today I sold his old junk truck that he absolutely adored. It was a four wheel drive and he had so much fun driving around town in the snow. I had to go clean his things out of it today. It just breaks my heart. After I got finished, I cried so hard and long I finally took a valium. I told the guy who bought it to come get it next week as I'll be visiting my daughter. I couldn't stand to see it drive down the driveway. These are all things Jim loved that I'm having to get rid of. I'm going to try to move in the spring and I won't have room for all that. I've been asking God to help me every day. I know he answers my prayers as otherwise I wouldn't have gotten this far. Somebody has to be helping me and everyone on this site has given me so much just by reading your posts. Thank you and God bless you.