I just feel like I want to sleep for the remaining time I have here in this life. I take my medications and I just don't want to feel the pain, I want to be numb and lately I have to push myself to get out to do my errands. Just let me sleep my life away. Yet, I know there are things I have to do. Everyone is in so much sorrow. I remember you all in my daily prayers. Lately I don't even want to get out of bed, but I make myself. Why can't I just live out my days asleep that I don't have to remember that Danny is gone out of my life. I think when my cable runs out that my sister-in-law was paying for which just happens to be on the day my husband was born on September 16 I'll just turn off the TV and not watch anything because nothing is the same anymore. The same old jokes that make me laugh also make me cry because I laugh alone, the world is in a mess, whether I watch the news or not, the bad things that happen, will still happen. I don't enjoy eating, and the beautiful parts of the world like the flowers, rainbows and waterfalls leave me cold, I'd rather relish the beauty in the next life where God is in His Heaven which is where I desire to be. My plan is to just get rid of everything I don't use or need and let those who will be taking care of things after I die just do the rest themselves. I wanted to spare them but they are very busy with their children and their own lives and I really understand that but when the time comes they will have to make time. There are still medicines that Danny never ended up taking that I have to get rid of, but I'm leaving his personal things and clothes right where they are. My goal is to clean out my place where I live for something to do and I wish I could just not feel anything but just exist, because that's all I'm doing right now anyway. Missing him is just squeezing the life right out of me. I hope you are all doing better somehow. I feel your pain, each and every one of you. What makes me think I can do this for years, but somehow God is getting me from day to day and I believe He placed you all in my life. At least I have somewhere to go as no one I know in my family or friends, even though I know in my heart that they have love for me, they have no clue, but all of you do, and I am grateful for you all. Thank you for letting me share and understanding me.
God bless and hugs,