Any little thing that might help, even for a little while?

Does anyone have anything they do, or have found or tried that helps with the emptiness? It hasn't been a month yet for me so still staying focused on the minutia. Closing credit cards, donating clothes to local veterans home, food I don't eat to food pantry.
Have to get back to work tomorrow and have been trying to prepare myself for being back out with the public. Not looking forward to coming home to emptiness, eating by myself, laying in bed by myself not sleeping.
Even finished the books on widowhood I had bought. Anyone have any tips for getting thru the days?

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Permalink Reply by Deborah Kelly on September 20, 2010 at 4:23am

Audrey just take it day by day and be kind to yourself. Try to stay busy and get out of the house once in a while. I was driving myself nuts trying to get everything cleaned up but for me too many hours of being in the house was not a good thing. I'm also taking an on line class that when I can focus it takes a lot of my time.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on September 20, 2010 at 6:47am

Audrey welcome, I don't have the answer to your question but I can tell you it is very hard either way, if you stay in or go out because like you said you come home to a empty house, and it really stinks. I wish you well on going back to work. God Bless and I'm sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on September 20, 2010 at 1:44pm

Audrey,You're doing all the busy work,It's the down time that's the killer.When hubby died 1 year ago,I did all the things you're talking about.I worked so hard during the day that there was sheer exhaustion at night.Only then could I sleep.I'm sure professionals could offer constuctive advice.And I'm certainly no professional.My sanity was this site and my 2 closest and dearest friends.One of whom lost her husband 5 years ago.I did go back to work 2 weeks later and that did help.But be careful,as soon as work was over I picked up the phone to ask if he needed anything.It was the wrong thing to do!Good Luck and stay in touch.

Permalink Reply by Lorraine C O'Garro on September 20, 2010 at 2:56pm

I know exactly how you feel. Yesterday was the first time I'd been to any type of event, a concert of my gospel church choir. I almost didn't go, I found this is something I've been doing on a regular basis, any excuse would do. But I found that I enjoyed myself at the concert and I saw and spoke with many close and personal friends. I felt good and calm for the first time in a mighty long time.

Please take care of yourself, your loved one would want this so much for you. Make sure you pray on a regular basis and anytime your heart gets filled up, take a minute to ask GOD for continued strength. I will not say this is going to be any easy time for any of us, but I pray continually that GOD will see all of us through these difficult and fearful times. Be blessed.

Permalink Reply by Audrey on September 20, 2010 at 8:48pm

Made it thru the first day back at work ok. Didn't cry in front of anyone, only in the car which I wish had tinted windows. Stopped at his grave and watered the plants. He would have laughed at my trying to keep a plant alive. We farmed for years but house plants have a very short life expectancy around me. Just couldn't leave it without anything to mark that it is now occupied by my best friend. Having popcorn for supper and watching the new tv shows. Weird not having to fight for the remote control. Wish he was here to help with the insurance paperwork and credit card bills. Didn't know it would all be this tough.
Thanks for the help today.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on September 20, 2010 at 11:43pm

AUDREY, I JUST WANT TO SAY I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. SORRY THAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH ALL THAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING. I AM GLAD YOU FOUND THIS SITE. IT HELPS TO KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I LOST MY HUSBAND IN FEB OF 2010 AND I AM STILL FEELING LOST AND ALONE. EACH ONE OF US IS DIFFERENT AND WE ALL GRIEVE VERY DIFFERENTLY, THAT IS WHAT I AM DISCOVERING.I WILL SAY THAT I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT GOD WILL ALWAYS BE THEIR FOR ME AND I CAN ALWAYS RELY ON HIM.

Audrey Derr said:

Made it thru the first day back at work ok. Didn't cry in front of anyone, only in the car which I wish had tinted windows. Stopped at his grave and watered the plants. He would have laughed at my trying to keep a plant alive. We farmed for years but house plants have a very short life expectancy around me. Just couldn't leave it without anything to mark that it is now occupied by my best friend. Having popcorn for supper and watching the new tv shows. Weird not having to fight for the remote control. Wish he was here to help with the insurance paperwork and credit card bills. Didn't know it would all be this tough.
Thanks for the help today.

Permalink Reply by Deborah Benoit on September 21, 2010 at 10:38am

Any one else know what it's like to be all alone for a year? I have no friends to talk with .I don't work,I am on disability for Fibromylagia. I can't talk to my adult kids. All I do every day,all day, is watch T.V. and eat to much.I have gained at least 20 lbs which makes me feel even worst about myself. My husband and I were together 24/7 he worked at home.He was my best and only friend. I just don't know what to do.I think about him constantly and talk to him in my head every second.I don't think thats healthy but I don't know how to make it stop.I am completely lost....Don't just tell me to get out and meet friends....please . it is not that easy. I am turning 51 in a few days and have no idea how to move on from here.

Permalink Reply by Nancey on September 21, 2010 at 11:59am

Audrey I'm glad to hear your first day back went ok. I was thinking about you and hoping things were going ok. I dread that first day going back to work.

I grew up on a farm too and I have the same problem with house plants, I just can't understand it. I can't seem to keep tomato plants alive either here.

Dale had a plant that he kept watered and said as long as it stays alive, I will. He brought it inside in the winter and kept it watered. I looked at it yesterday and the stem was kind of mushy and it broke off at the top of the soil. I felt like I had let him down. I'm going to try my hardest to get it back growing again.

Audrey Derr said:

Made it thru the first day back at work ok. Didn't cry in front of anyone, only in the car which I wish had tinted windows. Stopped at his grave and watered the plants. He would have laughed at my trying to keep a plant alive. We farmed for years but house plants have a very short life expectancy around me. Just couldn't leave it without anything to mark that it is now occupied by my best friend. Having popcorn for supper and watching the new tv shows. Weird not having to fight for the remote control. Wish he was here to help with the insurance paperwork and credit card bills. Didn't know it would all be this tough.
Thanks for the help today.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on September 21, 2010 at 2:16pm

Hi Deborah, I'm sorry for your loss and yes I have been without my husband going on 17 months and am also on s s disabilty, so I know how you feel and it sucks big time even when I want to get out it is hard to do. I pretty much do the same as you I just have no desire to do things most of the time but I do have a whole bunch of cats that keep me company or get on my nerves lol but I'm glad I have them. My sister lives with me but is no company she is retired and works a full time job and pulls alot of doubles we are not really close barely talk and only see each other maybe 2 hrs. a day so it does get very lonely and even tho I don't cry everyday most of them I do, where do you live, I'm in new jersey I have unlimited long distance so if you think you would like to chat I'd gladly give you a call, god bless, Virginia

Deborah Benoit said:

Any one else know what it's like to be all alone for a year? I have no friends to talk with .I don't work,I am on disability for Fibromylagia. I can't talk to my adult kids. All I do every day,all day, is watch T.V. and eat to much.I have gained at least 20 lbs which makes me feel even worst about myself. My husband and I were together 24/7 he worked at home.He was my best and only friend. I just don't know what to do.I think about him constantly and talk to him in my head every second.I don't think thats healthy but I don't know how to make it stop.I am completely lost....Don't just tell me to get out and meet friends....please . it is not that easy. I am turning 51 in a few days and have no idea how to move on from here.

Permalink Reply by Audrey on September 21, 2010 at 9:39pm

Deborah,
I am also sorry for your loss. We are all in a similar but different boat. I've only been here 3 weeks yesterday and each morning I have had to decide to get out of bed, shower and go face the day. As my sister says put on the big girl panties and get on with it. My son says fake it til we make it! Have to keep working, so pretending everything's ok for the paycheck. If my son wasn't in college I could see myself just staying in bed until they came to evict me. My building doesn't allow pets so nothing to come home to. Also found out the life insurance beneficury isn't me its his Dad. So now have to work everything thru him and hope he gives it to me. Sorry about the spelling. Just can't believe he updated the address and phone numbers but didn't name it to me. Oh well have a really long day tomorrow and haven't slept much last few nights so going to take some pills tonight.
Hope you all have a good night and better tomorrow. Heard a song today about getting a little stronger every day. Might have to change my theme song to it. A

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on September 21, 2010 at 9:47pm

deborah, i understand how you feel. i do work full time so i get out to go to work. but i have alot of alone time. i dont go to work till 2:30pm till 11pm. so i have mornings and night time and all day and night on the week ends. i was like you my husband was my best friend and with him gone i am struggling. i have had alot of people tell me to go out and make friends and like you said it isnt that easy.i am going to make an offer to you, like virginia did, i too have unlimited long distance so if you would ever like a phone call, just let me know.it is very difficult feeling so much alone i know i am feeling it too.i will keep you in my prayers.

Deborah Benoit said:

Any one else know what it's like to be all alone for a year? I have no friends to talk with .I don't work,I am on disability for Fibromylagia. I can't talk to my adult kids. All I do every day,all day, is watch T.V. and eat to much.I have gained at least 20 lbs which makes me feel even worst about myself. My husband and I were together 24/7 he worked at home.He was my best and only friend. I just don't know what to do.I think about him constantly and talk to him in my head every second.I don't think thats healthy but I don't know how to make it stop.I am completely lost....Don't just tell me to get out and meet friends....please . it is not that easy. I am turning 51 in a few days and have no idea how to move on from here.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on September 21, 2010 at 10:22pm

Hi to all, it sure funny how we face the same challenges and problems. I cant really add anything at this point except, hugs to all. Hugs are good. I dont have unlimited minutes.