Any Suggestions?

I'm wondering how to fight back against all the pain and suffering of surviving the death of our loved ones. Help! Any suggestions? What can I do to make life better for myself & people like us? I am consumed by grief & cry over people that I barely know. It seems everywhere I turn there's another death, or illness taking the joy out of living. For instance, last p.m. I went to a small (support) group meeting from church. The two women on my left have recently gone through chemo for cancers and the man on my right lost his daughter last month to an overdose- she had not been able to cope with the recent death of her grandchild. Now this man is hanging on by a thread after losing both of them as well as other family members- his father passed away last week! I cried upon hearing all this. He spoke so quietly that I could barely make out much of what he said. I know it was difficult for him to form the words. He said were it not for our church's group that he would not be able to live through this. Last weekend I met a wonderful lady who had cared for her granddaughter from birth until death- I don't remember the name of the disease but the baby was not expected to live even weeks but lived over 8 years! Three months after she died this lady contracted MS! She said our bodies and our immune systems are very weak from grief & we need to be aware. We need to take care of ourselves, eat right & exercise... As we know, this can be an impossible task when we don't want to get out of bed or eat at all! Here's my idea: I'm thinking of possibly starting a grief support visitation team at church. I'm thinking that a pair of us could visit recent widows/widowers & others. What do you think of this suggestion? How would you feel about being visited like this or how would you feel about participating in a visitaion group like this?

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Permalink Reply by Elyse Plude on March 2, 2011 at 7:55am

Hi Christy, I think that is a wonderful, amazing idea. I have to say, atleast in my area, there is not a lot of help available to widows, and especially not to single mothers. I love the idea and believe that would help you, as you help others. If there was something like that here, I would definitely participate. People tend to overlook those of us who have lost people, as unfortunately death is so common and the world is so difficult. But you definitely have my support. I think it's awesome of you to want to do that. I'm actually working to start my own group here as well in memory of my husband. Called 'Jacob's Promise.' It will basically do everything. Raise money for different charities, help people in the community, fundraise, and bring awareness to different needs. Such as if you get your group going, we'd be happy to assist in any help you need. The main focus though is to inspire people to help others in these hard times. To make people aware that we are all in need. My husband always said he wanted to give me and our son a better world. Well, we're going to do it for him. I'll make his promise come true. But in these hard times, I look to God, and even though I still have a hard time always holding onto my faith, it will always be there. And it does make it hurt just a little less when we can give joy to others in need. Even just a little. So even though it's not too much advice, I say if you can focus on something good, it will help ease a little of the pain. I can understand what you're going through because I often look around and see all the pain and suffering, even just people stressing over money and life, and it's awful. It doesn't make us want to try, but I say this: If no one fights back for a world gone so wrong, then what is the point of God giving us such a treasured gift? We threw it away like garbage, but now it's time to take back our futures and make God proud. I wish you well on your journey and if I can do anything to help, please let me know. God Bless!

Permalink Reply by Peter on March 2, 2011 at 9:39am

Christy, If you like you can email me at bigpetebipolar@gmail.com or if you have a facebook account with chat you can search that email address and send me a friend request. My name is Peter Morris. I hope your day is going well

Permalink Reply by Kathy King Kates on March 2, 2011 at 3:08pm

i think thats a wonderful idea Christy. I think the hardest part we are all facing is not having anyone around who understands and you do so you would be a great comfort. Good luck on your new mission.

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on March 2, 2011 at 6:03pm

Hi Christy,

I wanted to say that I believe you are doing exactly what God wants you to do. I truly believe what you are doing is His will and I will pray especially that you are able to accomplish this Christian act of love. I know in my heart that if anyone can get this idea going, it is you. I haven't forgotten all the times you have given me words to think about and the compassion you have shown. I believe God knows and feels our sorrow and wants us to use our grief to help others in their time of mourning. This is such a wonderful idea, for who better can express our feelings to others than those who walked in their shoes. You are a true humanitarian. I think those who are grieving would welcome the warmth that you would bring to them. Maybe this could be the start of something big. But more importantly, you are doing something good for the pain you have experienced and you will benefit from this as well. Being proactive by working with our grief in order to help others is what being a Christian is all about. May you be blessed a thousand fold. I admire and respect you and may everything go well for you.

May God bless you,

Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Kim on March 2, 2011 at 6:26pm

What a wondeful idea! I think you should definitley do it. It would truely help so many people. God Bless you for coming up with the idea. I wish there was something like this where I live.

Permalink Reply by Peter on March 2, 2011 at 7:27pm

Kim,

What a great tribute it would be to your husband if you looked into starting something in your area like Christy is doing. That's really how John Walsh from Americas Most Wanted started that show because of the loss of his son and the grief he was going through. I miss my family, the house is so empty.

Kim said:

What a wondeful idea! I think you should definitley do it. It would truely help so many people. God Bless you for coming up with the idea. I wish there was something like this where I live.

Permalink Reply by Floss on March 3, 2011 at 4:56am

Christy that is a wonderful Idea .

I go to a group called Solace, and it is for people that have lost a spouse, we meet fortnightly, and the other weeks, we meet for lunch at different places. I can call them my friends more that I can with so called members of my family. They have been there. And understand. We are going a bus trip next month, and I am so looking forward to that. It is so hard to go anywhere on your own, so I go with them whenever something comes up. However, I still am in therapy, and find that a help as well. As it is still so very raw for me, not a year yet, and struggling with my losses. God Bless, and I hope and pray you go ahead with your idea.

Permalink Reply by Christy on March 3, 2011 at 9:47am

Thank you everyone for your support! I unofficially started on my lunch break yesterday by visiting a woman from church who lost her mother 1 year ago yesterday. Her mother had lived with her & her husband for the last 8 yrs. of her life. They were very close and this lady had expressed that she would appreciate keeping her in our prayers. I surprised her with a bouquet of sweet spring flowers and a hug at her job. It felt good. Yeah! :-)

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on March 3, 2011 at 10:31pm

Dear Elyse P.

After reading replies again I missed what you said and I wanted you to know that what I said to Christy also applies to you. For some reason, I think I am not called to actually do what you are both doing. I don't think I have it in me, as I am just speaking for myself when I say that I don't know how I can be of help to others when I am just not capable of picking myself up. You both are my hero's and God's beacons of light. I think all of those here on legacy are doing the best that they can and may God bless each and every one of you here.

Suzanne

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