Are You a Carrot, and Egg, or a Cup of Coffee?

We had an assignment in one of my college classes about how we handle adversity. Read the story and see where you are...I added my essay at the end. Thanks for reading.

A Carrot, an Egg, and a Cup of Coffee Essay

            A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

            Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a hot stove burner. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

            In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and put it into a cup.

            Turning to her daughter she asked, "Tell me what you see."

            "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

            Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

            The daughter then asked, "What does it mean?"

            Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity or hardship – boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. After being in the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

            "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a cup of coffee?

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Permalink Reply by Marlena on November 8, 2010 at 10:43am

Hi Barb,

I hope today is looking a little brighter for you. Don't go too far we would miss you. After all we are here for the good, the bad, and the ugly. We all know what it is like.

I have been where you are (sounds like the egg stage) :). I was so angry at everyone...if they said something about my situation or how "bad" they thought they had it, I was not nice in my comeback for sure. I hated seeing older couples together because that should be us, I hated seeing younger couples because they had no idea what they had...I pretty much hated everything and everyone for a while except my family. They were the only ones that truly could feel the loss of the same man I did. I was in such a slump for 6 months. I did nothing...barely did laundry, dishes, or anything other than simple basic stuff. I just wanted to lash out at the world. I really don't know what made me change, all of a sudden it just wasn't so bad anymore at least for longer periods of time it wasn't so bad and eventually everything got a little brigher. There is hope and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, just some tunnels are longer and darker than others.

You're not alone here. Even though we've never met, you've got a friend (or two or three or twenty) right here!

Sending hugs and sunshine to fill your day.

Barb said:

This is a good way of looking at things, usually I can read something and live my life by it, but being in my slump I can't do it this time. This is the first time since Brad left that I can't seem to see the positive things. I am getting upset over little things, and saying things that are hurtful to others, I don't mean to, but I'm just angry, upset, lonely and I don't like myself very much right now. My daughter is putting her life on hold because she doesn't want me to be alone and that makes me feel bad, I told her to go and follow her dreams, that I have to get used to this life and don't want to hold her back.
I don't know, I guess I just don't know what I'm feeling and why I have to feel like I fell off the roller coaster. I may stay off of here for awhile until I get my feelings together, I don't want to drag everyone else down with my moods. Good luck to everyone!
Mary said:
This is truely amazing, thank you Marlena for posting this. I believe we are all, in many ways, just as you describe. Some of us take longer to get to, and go through each stage. It is a metamorphsis, a regrowth. A finding ourself all over again.
I don't think you sounded arrogant by being blessed to be happy and live a fairytale. A lot of us do but we just don't realize it. I think I had my fairytale also, I just wanted my happy ever after to last a lot longer. To find your true love and soulmate and know it is the most amazing thing and a blessing beyond measure. And I was blessed and I know it. The down side of having had it all, is the loneliness that goes on and on and on. But this too will ease with time, but I will never stop missing him. Thanks again, I loved it.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on November 8, 2010 at 10:50am

Yvonne,

You are too funny! Love the description. I guess, better to take the frustration out on the shrubs than someone else. :) Gotta watch how long you dunk those cookies for...hehe.
I think no matter what, we are going to go through all phases of carrots, eggs, and coffee for a while...hopefully we don't get stuck as anyone for too long, except the cup of coffee, of course.
Hugs.

Yvonne said:

Hi Marlena
Thanks for the post, it does help to put things into perspective. I strive every day to be that warm comforting cup of coffee but some days still turn into mashed carrots. I had a bout this fall with the egg. If you were a shrub in my yard this fall, you had to watch that I did not trim you into oblivion. For a week straight I went out into the yard every day and took my anger out on the hedges and shrubs. They had to be trimmed but some got a severe cut back. I didn't realize how angry I was until someone said I am glad I am not a shrub in your yard. Life goes on and how we choose to handle it depends on us. Today I want to be a strong black cup of steaming coffee but I do feel a little mushy on the side, maybe I dunked my cookie too much. LOL. Take care and big hugs to all.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on November 8, 2010 at 10:55am

Randolph,

You, my friend, have many reasons to be a carrot and an egg all wrapped in one. I think your cup runneth over, but not with coffee at the moment...you have had more than your share to deal with. One of these days it will be coffee for you, for now, we're all here to embrace your carrot tendencies and egg attitude whenever they come over you.
Hugs to you.

Randolph L. Schrader said:

This is a good topic. I have been and still a carrot(mush brain) sitting here posting this as an egg having my cup of coffee. So, thats me. Hugs to you all.Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on November 8, 2010 at 12:34pm

Thank you Marlena for your kindness. And hugs back to you. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on November 8, 2010 at 8:22pm

Hi Virginia,
I thought this was pretty relateable for all of us, so I had to share. You are so right that forgetting will never be an option, but somehow we have to find a way to package the grief and make it fit into our everyday lives.
Even with trying to put things into perspective with stories like this, life does not seem to get easier, just a little more managable. I feel as if I do what I have to do to get through the days and hopefully at the end of the day I can look back and say, "That wasn't so bad, one more day down". Some days I can, some days...not so much.
Here's to hoping for more cup of coffee days ahead.
Hugs.

Virginia said:

Marlena, Wow that is just a great way for things to be put into perspective. I was the same way, I'm at the same crossroads, life is way to short to let it slip away. When we can decide where we want to go from here and can concieve it can be what we choose it to be if we just choose to put in the effert life can be good again. I'm not saying we have to forget we will never be able to do that but we can choose what we do with the life we have to live because untill we are called, we have to go on living. How is up to us. Thanks, great topic.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on November 8, 2010 at 8:41pm

Kay,
I lost all my confidence when I lost Tom. It was like he was my strength. I really hated that feeling of uncertainty and being scared of everything. Then to be angry all the time. This roller coaster is a lot to handle. Just like your Joe, my Tom would want me to be the old me...the cup of coffee me. I'll never be the old me I was, but I would like to get back to being a cup of coffee.
We can do it, Kay, we'll get to that cup of coffee eventually.
Hugs.

Permalink Reply by Kay Arcuni on November 9, 2010 at 8:22am

Marlena, Thanks for the encouragement. Thats whats so special about this site. I have started a new ride. I have been told by an attorney that they feel Joe's medical records are worth looking at. I am not disbuting the fact that he was ill and that he was going to leave me. I am questioning the way he left. It did not have to be the way it was. To tell you the truth right now I am scared to death, I never been one to question authority but here I go. Thank you for the smile with your kind words, heres to a cup of coffee.

Marlena said:

Kay,
I lost all my confidence when I lost Tom. It was like he was my strength. I really hated that feeling of uncertainty and being scared of everything. Then to be angry all the time. This roller coaster is a lot to handle. Just like your Joe, my Tom would want me to be the old me...the cup of coffee me. I'll never be the old me I was, but I would like to get back to being a cup of coffee.
We can do it, Kay, we'll get to that cup of coffee eventually.
Hugs.

Permalink Reply by Linda O'Connor on November 9, 2010 at 9:12am

Malena, I'd read that story in the past, but never thought to relate it to this experience we are all learning to deal with. I like it, as it really does fit. After two years, I'm trying my best to always be positive & have that cup of coffee attitude. I can do that most of the time, but still have my moments, which I think will be there forever. That hole in our heart will never heal, but you will all learn, as I have, that time does make it easier. Thanks again for this post. We can all learn from this. God bless you & all on this site - stay strong as we are here for each other. DO NOT (listen up:Barb) feel that you should leave or not post as you are bringing down others; that's what this site is all about. We have to have this place where we can vent & all will understand. Hang in there!!!!

Permalink Reply by Christy on November 12, 2010 at 1:27pm

Great story- thanks for sharing. This really helps put things in a new perspective. I have been blessed just by reading everyones responses and kind words of encouragement to each other. It is such a relief to have a place to go to to pour out all this emotional upheaval w/out anyone judging you or correcting you. Thank you- I am so glad I found this group!

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on November 12, 2010 at 9:27pm

barb, you told me once that i shouldnt be afraid to post because i was feeling so down all the time, that i should feel free to post anytime i wanted to thats what this site is for. so now i am telling you that you dont need to worry about leaving this site for awhile because you need to be here to post anything that you like and talk about how you are feeling because we all care and understand. the holidays are comming up and it will be so very hard for alot of us. i do hope your new job is going good for you. i have been wondering about it. take care and god bless.

Barb said:

This is a good way of looking at things, usually I can read something and live my life by it, but being in my slump I can't do it this time. This is the first time since Brad left that I can't seem to see the positive things. I am getting upset over little things, and saying things that are hurtful to others, I don't mean to, but I'm just angry, upset, lonely and I don't like myself very much right now. My daughter is putting her life on hold because she doesn't want me to be alone and that makes me feel bad, I told her to go and follow her dreams, that I have to get used to this life and don't want to hold her back.
I don't know, I guess I just don't know what I'm feeling and why I have to feel like I fell off the roller coaster. I may stay off of here for awhile until I get my feelings together, I don't want to drag everyone else down with my moods. Good luck to everyone!
Mary said:
This is truely amazing, thank you Marlena for posting this. I believe we are all, in many ways, just as you describe. Some of us take longer to get to, and go through each stage. It is a metamorphsis, a regrowth. A finding ourself all over again.
I don't think you sounded arrogant by being blessed to be happy and live a fairytale. A lot of us do but we just don't realize it. I think I had my fairytale also, I just wanted my happy ever after to last a lot longer. To find your true love and soulmate and know it is the most amazing thing and a blessing beyond measure. And I was blessed and I know it. The down side of having had it all, is the loneliness that goes on and on and on. But this too will ease with time, but I will never stop missing him. Thanks again, I loved it.

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on November 12, 2010 at 10:21pm

It is just my opinion that going through adversity is not the same thing as someone's spouse dieing. Just being honest. I felt the need to share that thought. Take care.
God bless,
Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on November 12, 2010 at 10:34pm