When I look at my life objectively I am one of the luckiest men (no people) on the planet. I had a wonderful loving partner for 31 years who I lost 9/26/10. I now have another wonderful partner who loves and cares for me and I love her as well. Still the pain in my heart lingers and I find myself missing and calling out for my first love almost daily. I drive and cry often. My new love helps a lot and gives me much comfort. I still miss my Rose more than anything and that is something I will live with for the rest of my life.

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Hang in there Jules. Hugs...

Hi Chicago Beard ... so nice to see you post and I've been wondering how you are doing.  You were there from the first post I posted on this forum so it's my turn to return the favor.

Your Rose will always be your first and only love, but, I do know she would want you to find someone to be with and not be alone.  It is a gift that you have been fortunate to find another lady that is in your life now and an understanding one at that.  You are not replacing Rose at all, but you must go on for her and enjoy your life as best you can.  I find it very difficult being alone and would like to meet a nice man to share some of my life with, but it appears that more men have this chance than women do.  It can be so lonely.  I am not trying to replace my Ernie as he was my soulmate, but going through life alone pining and not enjoying life is no quality of life at all.  Again, feel blessed and enjoy the new lady in your life.  Rose would understand just as I know Ernie would. They are in a better place and we have to survive on this earth 'one is a lonely number.'


Thanks Ellen, Kris and Marcy!

Marcy, You are correct. You can not replace the irreplaceable. I am very thankful for my current lady and she is amazingly understanding.

Kris, I do my best to let my new lady know that she is not in competition with anyone. As I explained to her once, "my wife took a lot of me with her but what is left is all yours!"

Today I am sending my wife's car to our goddaughter because her cars have too many costly repairs that she can not afford. It is like when I removed her clothes and gave tnem away. It hurts like crazy. I have been doing a lot of crying lately over this.

Chicago Beard ... Know how you feel.  Not long after my husband passed away I had to sell our 1994 Taurus; the truck and camper and his beloved 15 1/2 food ski boat and I cried for days after.  It felt as if I was doing something I shouldn't (of course I had to and realized that) and material things don't matter when someone is very ill and certainly not when they pass away, but it's the memories attached to them.  It brought back memories of the water-skiing days we had with our friends; the Taurus took us on so many wonderful trips together and the camper of course reminded me of days of camping and fun.  Nothing wrong with crying as it's traumatic giving up a possession that you and your spouse had. It does get better as time goes on.


Chicago Beard said:

Today I am sending my wife's car to our goddaughter because her cars have too many costly repairs that she can not afford. It is like when I removed her clothes and gave tnem away. It hurts like crazy. I have been doing a lot of crying lately over this.

Chicago Beard ... you certainly are blessed.  Many of us will never know another love.  Of course your Rose will be in your heart forever and yes, memories will come flooding back because you chose each other first.  I think Rose would be happy for you and one day you'll see her again.  Meanwhile you have a loving and understanding lady by your side so don't feel guilty about enjoying life. Life is but a nano second to those who have passed away.  You've been blessed so smile; enjoy life because it is far too short.



Hello Chicago Beard,

   You are blessed!  I met my husband about two years after he lost his second wife.  They were together for a relatively short time.  I knew that he loved her, but his ability to love her, and his gentle ways helped me to love him.  He told me that we would not be together if she was still living.  I knew this.  We were together for eight years before we got married.  I picked something that would be a sign to me that our relationship was really solid.  When it happened, I got scared and realized that I had to make a decision myself.  He was older than me by 28 years.   I decided to keep going forward in our relationship.  We were married for almost 21 years when he died.  At some point in our relationship, he told me I was the best wife he had ever had.  It was obvious that we had a very strong love/connection.  Every year, on the anniversary of his wife's death, he called her daughter to say hello and just talk.  The last few years, I reminded him to call her.  Of course, you will miss your Rose.  She will be a part of you for the rest of your life.  The wonderful thing about people is the ability to love more than one person.  Each love is very special, and does not diminish other loves of your life. 

Thanks Marsha and Maggie. Hugs to you.


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