Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
Christmas Spirit?
I lost the love of my life Oct. 17, 2010, only 9 weeks after being diagnosed with a rare and untreatable cancer. It's been so hard to deal with everything. I finally quit crying all the time. Had to be able to work but now am laid off. Lots of time to sort "stuff" and remember....and cry. I decided I needed to get in the Christmas spirit for my grandchilldren. Went Shopping today. Was doing ok until I saw the most adorable "Biker Santa." For 35 years I got Don a toy and ornament relating to Harley Davidson and Christmas. He had such lousy childhood memories of Christmas, I tried to make up for it. I now have a 4 ft. Christmas tree and probably enough Harley & biker ornaments to cover it completely. . Afraid if I do I will spent 3 weeks in tears. We were so close - he told me once that it seemed we were one spirit and it scared him. He tried pushing me away when he got sick, but decided he still needed me. I was lucky enough to be off work to be with him when he needed me most. How do we get thru this first holiday season without our best friend, soul mate, and spouse without going totally off the deep end?? We started dating when we were 15. Don was 54 three days before he died. I am so lost and lonely.
This poem is so true for me...have to share.
God saw you getting tired and the cure was not to be,
so He put His arms around you and whispered "come with me".
With tearful eyes I watched you and saw you pass away,
although I loved you dearly, I could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest,
God broke my heart to prove, he only takes the best
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on
-
Tereca, I hear you and am so sorry for your loss. I lost the love of my life and soulmate Doug, on Sept. 29,2010. I haven't stopped crying or talking to him yet. I am still searching within me for the inner "strength" to proceed daily. I too am so lost and alone. The holidays are just a nightmare. Doug was only 55 when he died. I must say that this site has been quite helpful with the support of so many wonderful people that sadly have been lost their spouses. Their strength, hope and friendship keeps me going sometimes. I just stay in the moment. Glad you shared. HUGS to you. Ellen~
-
-
Permalink Reply by Carol Kayser on
-
Dear Tereca, I am so sorry for your loss of your husband Don. I am struggling with the 1st Christmas too, and my husband Jack and I were married on New Year's Eve (39 years) this year. I met him when he was 14. He passed away on August 31st. I am trying too for our girls, but yes, when walking through the mall we will see things that will sadden us. Our youngest daughter is newly pregnant too.
What helps me is a few things...I think about his love around me all the time, I talk to him and share my day. if I am upset and crying I ask him to help me. I have a heart necklace which I wear all the time with a little of his ashes and it comforts me greatly. I do a ton of reading and believe that his spirit is strong and is taking care of his family, just not his physical presence. The poem you include is beautiful and we had a very similar poem at John's service too.
I wish you God's grace and strength and to be surrounded by love this Christmas, which I know you will be. Take care. Carol. -
-
Permalink Reply by Tereca Megee on
-
Thank you so much. Just spent an hour crying and telling Don how much I miss him. Want to hear his voice and laugh so much....maybe if I can get to sleep he will help me thru this in his own way. He has done that a lot, and I do not think it's in my head. I have actually felt the bed move when he sits on it and puts his hand on my shoulder to tell me he is sorry, and that it will be ok. Night time is the worst, as I am sure you know. So sorry for your loss. I too have a granddaughter that will never know the intelligent, fun person her Grandpa was. But you can bet I will be telling her stories!
Carol Kayser said:Dear Tereca, I am so sorry for your loss of your husband Don. I am struggling with the 1st Christmas too, and my husband Jack and I were married on New Year's Eve (39 years) this year. I met him when he was 14. He passed away on August 31st. I am trying too for our girls, but yes, when walking through the mall we will see things that will sadden us. Our youngest daughter is newly pregnant too.
What helps me is a few things...I think about his love around me all the time, I talk to him and share my day. if I am upset and crying I ask him to help me. I have a heart necklace which I wear all the time with a little of his ashes and it comforts me greatly. I do a ton of reading and believe that his spirit is strong and is taking care of his family, just not his physical presence. The poem you include is beautiful and we had a very similar poem at John's service too.
I wish you God's grace and strength and to be surrounded by love this Christmas, which I know you will be. Take care. Carol. -
-
Permalink Reply by Kay Arcuni on
-
Tereca, I lost my love and best friend on Aug 17, 2010, and Christmas has me totally freaked out Joe was 53 and after 33 years of marriage I find myself alone for the 1st time in my life. Our daughters both grown with kids of there own want me to do the tree thing but I just don't know if I can. I thought I made it thru Thanksgiving but I have had waves and waves of tears since that day. I can only imagine what Christmas will be like. Coming here and reading what others are going thru does help but it doesn't take the pain away.
Joe has come to me a couple of times and I know that he is with me at night. I long for those night when I feel him lay next to me and kiss me, his mustache tickles like I remember. I know that I must carry on with my life but with out my friend I find it very hard, but I know one day it will be my turn and I will beable to go with him. Rejoice in the knowledge that he is with you and loves you and I hope you can find peace in your heart. -
-
Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on
-
tereca, i am so very sorry for your loss. i love that poem but it makes me cry everytime i read it. i lost my best friend and husband on feb. 26th 2010. i just cant believe that it happened so quickly. after being diagnoised with cancer he was gone in 3months. however since i didnt have to watch him suffer but just a few days i have to be thankful. i am very lost and lonely and have to ask GOD everyday to give me the strengh to make it through.i was unfortunately only with my husband for 12 years, but they were the best.this will also be my first holiday season without my love, and yes it will be so very hard. i felt very sad on thanksgiving and i am expecting christmas to be worse. i am thankful that i did find this site as i am sure you will be too, because it does help us to know that we arent going through this nightmare alone. i am feeling your pain. cindy
-
-
-
Thank you all so much, it does help to know I am not alone. So few people have a great marriage, they don't understand that it's only been 3 months, and I am still so emotional. I have learned after 2 attempts that I shouldn't go Christmas shopping alone. Cried in Hobby Lobby yesterday after I put something in cart for my Donnie. Today I had to go to Hallmark for my daughter-in-laws gift....bad idea. They have a silver plaque with a "memorial" that got me weepy again. Haven't decided about the Christmas tree--so many shared memories in the ornaments, afraid I will cry all the time it is up. WILL put out the nativity set and other religious decor for grandkids, and the decorations they have given me. I too made it thru Thanksgiving but have been really emotional since. I am so sorry for you all, I know the pain and it literally hurts inside my chest. I feel like a huge piece of me is gone with him. Instead, I now WE need to get to the point that WE know a piece of our soulmate is with each of us. God bless you all. Praying we all feel our feelings, but cope with them without hurting others.
-
-
-
Carol, I am so sorry for your loss and pain. This site does seem to be helping. An odd question for you - - Where did you find the item to put his ashes on a necklace? Would love to have one for myself.
Thanks for your support, and let's all keep sharing. Surely it will get easier to bear.
Tereca Megee said:Thank you so much. Just spent an hour crying and telling Don how much I miss him. Want to hear his voice and laugh so much....maybe if I can get to sleep he will help me thru this in his own way. He has done that a lot, and I do not think it's in my head. I have actually felt the bed move when he sits on it and puts his hand on my shoulder to tell me he is sorry, and that it will be ok. Night time is the worst, as I am sure you know. So sorry for your loss. I too have a granddaughter that will never know the intelligent, fun person her Grandpa was. But you can bet I will be telling her stories!
Carol Kayser said:Dear Tereca, I am so sorry for your loss of your husband Don. I am struggling with the 1st Christmas too, and my husband Jack and I were married on New Year's Eve (39 years) this year. I met him when he was 14. He passed away on August 31st. I am trying too for our girls, but yes, when walking through the mall we will see things that will sadden us. Our youngest daughter is newly pregnant too.
What helps me is a few things...I think about his love around me all the time, I talk to him and share my day. if I am upset and crying I ask him to help me. I have a heart necklace which I wear all the time with a little of his ashes and it comforts me greatly. I do a ton of reading and believe that his spirit is strong and is taking care of his family, just not his physical presence. The poem you include is beautiful and we had a very similar poem at John's service too.
I wish you God's grace and strength and to be surrounded by love this Christmas, which I know you will be. Take care. Carol. -
-
Permalink Reply by Renee Semo on
-
Tereca, I too dont know how we are going to get through the holidays. I wish I didnt have to do anything but my kids are young and they have lost so much I know I cant take Christmas away from them. I spent 3 hours yesterday at the cemetery decorating for my Frankie who died 5 months ago at the age of 48, my house still has Halloween decorations up. I guess Im backward...lol. I am trying to muster up the strength to dig out our tree tomorrow. Frank didnt like to do the decorating but he was my muscle and always dug everything out for me. Now Im on my own....I really hate the sound of that. I guess the saying "Misery Loves Company" is true because I truly felt completely alone until I found this site and all of you. I hate that we are here and I ask why everyday but I have finally found people that understand me and dont think I need to be committed. Tereca, I was looking through pictures today and saw a picture of my husband when he was a baby and another one of my daughter and it is uncanny. They are exactly the same. I look at her now and see her dad and smile because even though hes not here my kids are and they are a part of him and I guess our husbands never truly will be gone because their legacy carries on. Look at your children and grandchildren a little closer tomorrow and I am sure you will see more of your husband than ever before. Hang in there. God Bless! Renee
-
-
-
Hi Tereca, I live in Canada, British Columbia, west coast. I am not sure if funeral homes in your area would have the jewellry but where I live they do. So as John was cremated they saved some ashes for the heart necklace I had picked out and placed them in there for me. They are special pieces of jewellry that are sealed. So first step I think would be to check with them and see, and hoping they can help you Tereca:) Please let me know how you make out with this.
Hang in there and I find reading helps me so much too. They have some great books available, and writing in a journal too. Hugs. Carol. -
-
-
Went to Grandparents Day with 7 yr old granddaughter. We did a small family tree - her parents and grandparents. I got to explain that Don is still Grandpa, he's just watching from heaven now. She thought that was pretty cool. Later I picked up the 11 year old, and she had in the barrett her Grandpa picked out for her a month before he died. At their house, the 15 month old was playing with sleigh bells he had gotten for her. If my grandchildren, who were so very close to Grandpa, can remember him with such joy, surely I can. Had a meltdown a few days ago that lasted for hours! FINALLY GAVE MY BROKEN HEART UP TO GOD!! Wow, what a relief. I know Donnie is where he wanted to be, he is no longer sick or in pain, and will be there to greet me when my work here is done. Oh, I still miss him terribly, and talk to him every night - the same words we said for almost 40 years - "Goodnight, I love you". Not putting up a Christmas tree - to many memories in the ornaments. I am putting out my nativity set, and some things the grandkids have given us. Since they won't be here, it doesn't really matter. I am celebrating the birth of Christ, and counting my blessings. If I focus on all the good, the pain stays at bay - most of the time. God nor Donnie wouldn't want me to be so very sad for too long, and I'm sure none of your spouses would either. As "Grandma's Advice" says, grief takes as long as it takes. Each of us is different, so we each cope differently. I still can't get motivated to go thru some of his things. Good grief, I had never looked in his billfold until the coroner needed his drivers license! This site has been so helpful in keeping me sane. Knowing I am not the only one grieving so has been a huge help. I am sorry everyone is here for this reason, but you are ALL amazing!
-
-
Permalink Reply by Christy on
-
Tereca, Hello- I have read a couple of your posts this morning & found them so inspiring. Thank you.
I am amazed at the beautifully strong people on here- you, Kathy, Jo and so many others who are feeling so similar in our grief, yet manage to project love & hope to others. God bless us all-HUGS, Christy
Tereca Megee said:Went to Grandparents Day with 7 yr old granddaughter. We did a small family tree - her parents and grandparents. I got to explain that Don is still Grandpa, he's just watching from heaven now. She thought that was pretty cool. Later I picked up the 11 year old, and she had in the barrett her Grandpa picked out for her a month before he died. At their house, the 15 month old was playing with sleigh bells he had gotten for her. If my grandchildren, who were so very close to Grandpa, can remember him with such joy, surely I can. Had a meltdown a few days ago that lasted for hours! FINALLY GAVE MY BROKEN HEART UP TO GOD!! Wow, what a relief. I know Donnie is where he wanted to be, he is no longer sick or in pain, and will be there to greet me when my work here is done. Oh, I still miss him terribly, and talk to him every night - the same words we said for almost 40 years - "Goodnight, I love you". Not putting up a Christmas tree - to many memories in the ornaments. I am putting out my nativity set, and some things the grandkids have given us. Since they won't be here, it doesn't really matter. I am celebrating the birth of Christ, and counting my blessings. If I focus on all the good, the pain stays at bay - most of the time. God nor Donnie wouldn't want me to be so very sad for too long, and I'm sure none of your spouses would either. As "Grandma's Advice" says, grief takes as long as it takes. Each of us is different, so we each cope differently. I still can't get motivated to go thru some of his things. Good grief, I had never looked in his billfold until the coroner needed his drivers license! This site has been so helpful in keeping me sane. Knowing I am not the only one grieving so has been a huge help. I am sorry everyone is here for this reason, but you are ALL amazing! -
-
Permalink Reply by Kathy King Kates on
-
Tereca, you are so right in seeing how our grandchildren still celebrate the life of grandpa does make a world of difference. My dear grandson who turned 21 yesterday has shared several times that grandpa is still here and he feels him all around us. My daughter and her family put up their big tree they brought with them from California when they moved out here to live with me last week and it feels good because it is not the one Bill and I shared. I couldn't help them decorate but am trying to enjoy. All the grandchildren have special ornaments from birth and we spent alot of reminiscing time while they decorated the tree and I was able to put up a couple of extra special ones of Bill's and mine too. We are making the holidays just abit different but sharing the most important parts of our traditions still. I finally asked the family if it bothered any of them for me to continue talking about "dad" and "grandpa" and they said "wow, of course, not. He is a part of our lives and we can't forget that ever.." They have been very understanding about "my moments". Feel what you must and share and say whatever. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO.. Hugs to you all
-
Latest Conversations
Community Guidelines
Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.
Follow Legacy
© 2023 Created by Legacy.com.
Powered by
