Christmas Spirit?

I lost the love of my life Oct. 17, 2010, only 9 weeks after being diagnosed with a rare and untreatable cancer. It's been so hard to deal with everything. I finally quit crying all the time. Had to be able to work but now am laid off. Lots of time to sort "stuff" and remember....and cry. I decided I needed to get in the Christmas spirit for my grandchilldren. Went Shopping today. Was doing ok until I saw the most adorable "Biker Santa." For 35 years I got Don a toy and ornament relating to Harley Davidson and Christmas. He had such lousy childhood memories of Christmas, I tried to make up for it. I now have a 4 ft. Christmas tree and probably enough Harley & biker ornaments to cover it completely. . Afraid if I do I will spent 3 weeks in tears. We were so close - he told me once that it seemed we were one spirit and it scared him. He tried pushing me away when he got sick, but decided he still needed me. I was lucky enough to be off work to be with him when he needed me most. How do we get thru this first holiday season without our best friend, soul mate, and spouse without going totally off the deep end?? We started dating when we were 15. Don was 54 three days before he died. I am so lost and lonely.

This poem is so true for me...have to share.

                   God saw you getting tired and the cure was not to be,
                   so He put His arms around you and whispered "come with me".

                   With tearful eyes I watched you and saw you pass away,
                   although I loved you dearly, I could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest,

God broke my heart to prove, he only takes the best

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Permalink Reply by Debbie Treadway on December 7, 2010 at 9:22am

Tereca, I have been reading the posts on here and they are very uplifting. This will be the 1st Christmas without my husband, Waymon, My daughter and son-in-law live with me so they put up their tree and decorated it with their ornaments. They did all the decorating and i was so glad because I certainly didn't have the heart or enery to do it. Christmas has always been her favorite time of year and Waymon always enjoyed seeing how much pleasure she got out of it. So I am not going to let him down. I am going to try to be positive and upbeat for her sake. After all as you said we are celebrating our Savior's birth and although i am sad because i don't have the love of my life with me. I still have so many blessing to be thankful for and I know he is waiting for me to join him someday. I am sure that all of us will shed many tears in the next few weeks, but I hope that each of us can find just a little peace and joy in our lives. i am sure that it would make all of our spouses happy. Thanks to all of you for sharing your feelings. It helps to know that I am not alone in how I feel. I will be asking God to give each of us the strenght we need to face the days ahead of us. Peace to each of you.

Permalink Reply by Carol Kayser on December 7, 2010 at 11:11am

Hello Debbie, your words resonate with me. It will be mine (our) 1st Christmas without John. He loved Christmas and would always get the turkey ready and put it in the oven while I was still asleep! He would come and report to me that the turkey was "in the oven" and would I like a coffee:) Then later he would make his grandma's recipe of yams. It was the best! Now we have our youngest daughter who is expecting a baby, and so as you, doing these things at Christmas for them and for our husbands, who would want us to be happy and will be smiling down on us on Christmas Day. Here on the website under "Holidays" are suggestions for honoring our lost loved ones on Christmas.
I think I can get through Christmas, my difficult day will be New Year's Eve, as John and I were married on that day and it will be 39 years of a good life to be remembered.

May God's strength give you and your family strength Debbie during the Christmas season and know that you are all loved from above.

Regards,
Carol