Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jo on December 1, 2010 at 10:51am

It helps to have some.it has been 4 months since my husband died,not sick and died within 12 hours of asking to go to the hospital.They think a massive stroke,but the autopsy hasn't come back yet.I can't dwell on this and lose what's left of my sanity.I am so sad,and I cry,but I am also trying to get out and get going again,and I am somewhat successful.My GradKids want to come over and decorate and put out my collcection of 'Snowbabies",which we do every year.I am not skipping Christmas.I am having my Family over for Christmas Eve[we always do this]and going to other Family for Christmas day and stay over.Do I want to curl up by myself/sometimes,but I also feel that there are others who are counting on me and I won't let them down.When I see people who are homeless,or jobless or just down on their luck,I feel I am very Lucky to have what I do have.I plan to donate and volunteer at our local food bank.mysef. Look for this kind of Christmas Spririt.it might be hard but it's well worth it.You'll like yourself better.here's a picture of part of what I do for work.Open the attachment "IT'S CHRISTMASTIME" jpg.I can't get away from it!

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• IT'S CHRISTMASTIME.jpg, 1.1 MB

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on December 2, 2010 at 10:42pm

Christmas spirit? what is that?? December 25 is the day that is remembered that Jesus (I believe to be my Lord and Savior) was born. To me it is one out of 365 days that I have the horrible knowledge that my husband is no longer with me. I believe it is a Blessed day. But I can't change my feelings and thoughts. If I could I wouldn't be here trying to get from one day to the next, living with mixed-up feelings and thoughts of Danny that won't go away. I feel like I'm in a living nightmare. Now that I know the truth of how it feels when a loved one passes away I have realized that any kind of spirit, whether it's of Christmas and Santa Claus and sugar-plums and gingerbread men and gift-giving and frivolity and being together with my loved ones, this is the Utopia which is a fantasy land that doesn't exist. All those years before 9/11 I was buying gifts, putting them under the tree after practically breaking my neck to have the family get together, Christmas dinners and baking sweet breads and all the rest of the holidays, I feel like such a fool thinking this life is to enjoy and make merry. What an idiot I was, so naive. Now I know that having the spirit for anything was all a myth. And here I was perpetuating Utopia. And for what. Life without Danny in it is too much for me to bear. Only God can help me now. I believe He was the one Who created me. I must turn this over to Him.
God bless, (I still believe in Him, I hope He still believes in me.)
Hugs to you all (I am so sorry for all your pain, I know how you all feel.)
Suzanne
P.S. I guess I'll never get off this emotional roller coaster until my time comes.

Permalink Reply by Christy on December 3, 2010 at 7:44am

Suzanne, I get what you are saying I think. The life we enjoyed before Larry died now seems like a sweet dream & nothing seems as important as it once did. I think there is something valuable in seeing life with our new eyes. If I could go back to happier, peaceful days with Larry by my side I would, but I can't. None of us have that option, so what have we learned from this? For me, I was never really materialistic anyway and even less so now. There are only a few things that make me feel alive now: Giving all that I can to make even a moment in someone elses life better, really feels good, donating blood was awesome & I will continue with that, buying Christmas gifts for kids that would go without was a joy, and taking my daughter & grandbaby to the nursing home was especially sweet. Decorating the headstone at the cemetary with evergreens gave me some peace- letting whomever may come visit see that Larry was loved & is being honored in this way. So many others are neglected- it's sad. This week has been hard for me. I've been crying harder & longer than I want to. I can't help it- it just happens. Larry was such a beautiful example to me of what a Christian can be & I want to honor him & do things that I know he would be pleased with. It's so hard, but giving to others who are even less fortunate (and there is ALWAYS SOMEONE who is less fortunate no matter how bad our circumstances) will definitly help heal our wounds if only for a brief time. When I beg God to spare me & take me now, I hear him saying "live for me." God Bless us through the Holidays & onward.


Suzanne said:

Christmas spirit? what is that?? December 25 is the day that is remembered that Jesus (I believe to be my Lord and Savior) was born. To me it is one out of 365 days that I have the horrible knowledge that my husband is no longer with me. I believe it is a Blessed day. But I can't change my feelings and thoughts. If I could I wouldn't be here trying to get from one day to the next, living with mixed-up feelings and thoughts of Danny that won't go away. I feel like I'm in a living nightmare. Now that I know the truth of how it feels when a loved one passes away I have realized that any kind of spirit, whether it's of Christmas and Santa Claus and sugar-plums and gingerbread men and gift-giving and frivolity and being together with my loved ones, this is the Utopia which is a fantasy land that doesn't exist. All those years before 9/11 I was buying gifts, putting them under the tree after practically breaking my neck to have the family get together, Christmas dinners and baking sweet breads and all the rest of the holidays, I feel like such a fool thinking this life is to enjoy and make merry. What an idiot I was, so naive. Now I know that having the spirit for anything was all a myth. And here I was perpetuating Utopia. And for what. Life without Danny in it is too much for me to bear. Only God can help me now. I believe He was the one Who created me. I must turn this over to Him.
God bless, (I still believe in Him, I hope He still believes in me.)
Hugs to you all (I am so sorry for all your pain, I know how you all feel.)
Suzanne
P.S. I guess I'll never get off this emotional roller coaster until my time comes.

Permalink Reply by Tereca Megee on December 3, 2010 at 10:12am

Christy, Suzanne and Jo - what moving and helpful advice. As a Christian, I knew these things. "Give it up to God" has gotten me thru a lot of hard times. I really needed that reminder, and thank you with all my heart. Being a "little" hard-headed, God has been my last resort. I noticed I have been giving more to charities, and heping the less fortunate. My husband always said the best Christmas they ever had as kids was when the Salvation Army came with food and gifts. We always gave to them, and I have continued. I too won't let my son or grandkids down. We are having a "home made" Christmas, which their Grandpa strongly believed in. It's about Jesus and family, not who can spend the most. Thank you for reminding me that I was left behind because God is not done with me in this life. He has a plan, and it is not for me to know. All of your replies mean so much, and are so helpful. I am so glad I stumbled on this site. I am so sorry you all are going thru this too. This roller coaster of emotions has got to slow down! Thank you all soooo much. Hugs to you all.