Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on November 13, 2010 at 11:13am

Basia, First of all, I have a question for you, I hope you don't mind. Are you Polish? The reason I asked is because I am Polish ( born here, my parents came from Poland). My husband always called me Basia, he even had that tattooed on his arm. Anyway, I also will never do the closure part. Jim will always be a big part of my life. We were married 38 yrs, had kids,grandkids,everything. Closure will never be a part of the picture. Take care, and keep in touch. I wish Jim was here with me also.

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on November 13, 2010 at 12:59pm

Dear Basia,

No, there will never be complete and total closure - every birthday, every anniversary, every graduation, every holiday, every grandchild will bring the remembrance of your beloved - how he would have reacted, what he would have said, the smile and joy on his face to hold a new grandchild - all of these are part of what you and all of us have lost.

I think it is important that at each and every one of these occasions (and others) that you acknowledge openly your beloved, and his absence (even if it makes everyone else squirm - TOO BAD; he was _your_ husband, and it's _your_ and your children's loss.

I remember 20 May, because that was Byron's birthday (he was a 1954 Baby); I remember 28 August, because that's when we were married in 2007; I recall 25 July, which is my birthday, and how much I wish he were around to share it with me (and give me a little box with the keys to a black Aston Martin DBS (NOT!)) And, I recall 29 June, because that is when he died in 2009.

Right now, I don't go anywhere outside of work, church, the post office, the library, the women's prison (prison ministry), cleaners and supermarket - my company is moving data centers (again), and there are some 300+ more servers to move, which means 10-12 hour days, tons of meetings, etc, etc - so I just go to work, come home and go to bed - but I think about Byron every day, and even after 16 months, there are a lot of nights I cry in the parking lot at work because I miss him so much - because I just want to put my head on his chest and listen to his beautiful soft voice, and smell his warm, manly smell - but I cannot do any of that, now.

Peace, blessings and healings be upon you - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by Hurting on November 13, 2010 at 1:11pm

Basia, I don't think there is any closure for us. My boys all miss there dad, he used to talk to them, give them rides and all the other stuff. Specially my fifteen year old he was daddy's boy, whenever he comes and says, 'Mom, I miss my dad". What do I do. All I do is hurt and keep on waiting for it to get better.

Permalink Reply by Hurting on November 13, 2010 at 1:12pm

Basia, I don't think there is any closure for us. My boys all miss there dad, he used to talk to them, give them rides and all the other stuff. Specially my fifteen year old he was daddy's boy, whenever he comes and says, 'Mom, I miss my dad". What do I do. All I do is hurt and keep on waiting for it to get better.

Permalink Reply by Christy on November 15, 2010 at 9:41am

Basia,
It looks like there is no real closure. I read the replies. It's only been 10 wks since Larry died and already there is so much we would have shared. Everyday was important. He missed his son's entire football season- he was there for practice, but died before the first game. Now he made AllStar and will play in Atlanta possibly on Thanksgiving Day- oh, how Larry would have loved that! Our granddaughter was dedicated at church yesterday. He was missed and yet he was there because all of us were reminiscing about him with smiles and laughter (and tears). Even our Pastor pulled Nahjay, (Larry's 12 yr. old son) over after the dedication and hugged him and announced to the church "to those who don't know, this young man recently "lost" his father..." He went on to describe Larry as a great man, father who tutored kids from our home...and then, in recognition of the fact that Nahjay no longer lives with me, he prayed over him that wherever he goes and whomever he is with, that God will be there with him. That is God's promise to all children and widows, that He will care for us.
There is nothing else we can do but give up or give it our best shot. Prayers & best wishes to you and your family-