Dear Stacey, I am so very sorry for your sudden loss of your young husband, 1 month is still very sudden, especially since the shock of hearing the word cancer causes so much instant fear and anxiety amongst us. You would not have even had time to prepare your world to accept this diagnosis and then to lose your beloved so quickly, it is no wonder you are in shock. You mention your very young children. I would offer that you accept the support of those you mention in caring for the children, if your family could take turns staying with you to care for the children then you could take some time for your grief, because it is so important to acknowledge the grief Stacey, if it means your minister, a counsellor, a bereavement group or hospice group near you and especially to come to this site and write down your feelings. I know there are quite a few people here who do have young children, mine are grown now and I am sure they will share their thoughts with you. You are right, no one has any idea of how one feels, losing a spouse, a husband, a partner, unless they have experienced it themselves. This is why it is important to reach out to people who have because we all go through those same feelings of loss, fear, emptiness, being scared.
I can say this to you, know that your loved one may be gone physically but they are not gone from your life. You are still being loved and cared for from above. Your husband is sending you his love and strength to carry on. Imagine yourself being wrapped in his love when you feel especially down and feel his strength for you. He would not abandon you Stacey and nor will God.
You can only take one step at a time, and if that is all you can do for a while then that is ok. I am pretty sure that you children will be of immense comfort to you, because they are part of both you and your husband and as they grow you will see him in them and know that his love shines through them to you.
Please take care of yourself and do come here often. Prayers will be said for you and your family.
I am so sorry for all you are going through. To all of a sudden be thrown into the world of widowhood, trying to get your own bearings, all while trying to support your little ones and give them what they need...it is a lot to handle. I really have no words of wisdom, I'm sorry. Our kids were 24, 22, and 13 when we lost Tom unexpectedly at age 44. I do understand the suddenness of your loss. It is so hard to take. For now, take it one day at a time, one breath at a time. Do only what needs to be done and don't worry about anyone else. Hold your children close and keep Dad present in their lives.
Unless someone has walked in your shoes they have no idea how you feel, what you are thinking, or how you are going to find your way through this journey.
You have come to a good place. Even though we all have different stories we all understand the devastation of loss. Come here to vent, scream, or celebrate an accomplishment. We will hold you up and walk you through this journey.
I wish you comfort and peace as you begin your journey.
Hugs to you and your little people.
So sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my wife to cancer she spent a month in the hospital then came home for 2 months until her passing, she was 55. Our children are grown and scattered around the country, life is very different and difficult without her after more then 31 years together as a couple. Take it 1 day at a time, baby steps, be mindful of the children but don't hide your emotions either. There is lots of great people here that will listen and lend some advice that have been through the same situations.
It's been a little over a month for me and i know exactly how you feel about being around the house and seeing all of his things. His clothes and toothbrush.... I go through his pockets looking for things for no reason. I still check his phone for texts and emails everyday like that makes sense, but for some reason i have to do it. Being home for me comforts me somewhat, when i go out i feel so lost and lonely. I am very lonely at home as well especially at night and weekends but i feel safe home. I know you mentioned about not feeling comfortable witha therapist and i can understand that. I am a very private person however it does help to have a stranger listen and help.. Talking to my family and friends is sometimes too hard for me. From everything i have been reading and i have been reading alot about grief, you need to get the help to get through the grief or it will consume you. Your kids need a healthy mom so you have to take care of yourself. I think about my husband in the hospital and wish i was still sleeping there as well every night. It gave me a purpose,but i am trying to focuse on my kids and myself getting healthy. It is going to be a long journey for us and i hope that we can help each other.
I too just lost my husband (age 40) in a tragic accident, and he had 5 kids (all my step kids, 2 are grown, but the three others are young...(9, 6, almost 3). I know the two younger ones don't completely understand. I most likely will never get to see the little ones again, and MISS THEM TERRIBLY! My mom became "grandma" and has been devastated w/ the loss as well.
I am sorry for your loss, but be happy you have 2 children that will bring so many reminders of the wonderful man that fathered them.
I have been in a fog as well! Some days I'm ok, others I start crying at the smallest reminder/trigger of remembering him. I guess that is natural, and will happen for some time! I also have a HUGE family of in-laws, but none of them seem to comprehend just how devastating this is for me. They are concerned, and being supportive, but someone is always calling me to "get some of his stuff" or something. Every time that happens, I get a bit more re-traumatized. ugh.....
Just try to hold up, and focus on healing YOU, and your kids. You have to take this one day at at time, everyone deals with it differently, and at different paces. I have been reading a LOT of books, seems to help a lot.
Dear Christy, I was just reading posts and came to yours. I am sorry about your loss and that perhaps you won't be able to see the stepchildren again, I hope that doesn't come to pass, I really do, for your sake and your mom's. Perhaps there will be some intervention and you could at least see them a little, I am sure they miss you both too!
I wanted to say that reading has really, really helped me too! I read and read and read! I find comfort in reading and the words on the page. I recently went to a first bereavement session, after 9 months. Did not like it at all, I find my reading, being on this site and going to counselling 1:1 works best for me. Each person is different, but to be able to express yourself in a safe place is wonderful!
Reminders are really hard aren't they? It is always the smallest thing, a letter in the mail, if you feel particularly down that day something is bound to catch your mind. When I was sick I felt really vulnerable, sad to be so alone, but most days I am glad to have the love of my husband surround me and can get through the days.
I hope you are able to take those small steps towards healing, which it sounds like you are!