Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Connie on September 27, 2010 at 11:49am

Oh Linda, there are so many of us out here that are suffering as you are. It will be 1 year that my husband passed on November 9th. He was the only man that I ever loved. We were married for 46 years (47 on 10/15). We had a truly happy marriage and spent every available minute together. I am devastated without him. I have 3 beautiful daughters, 2 very good sons-in-law and 5 gorgeous grandchildren. Our youngest daughter is a senior at a university in Pennsylvania. They are all very good to me but they cannot replace my husband. I miss him so very much. I hate being here alone. I hate going anywhere without him. It is not good to stay home but it is not good to go out and come home to an empty house. I wish there were something that I could say that would make you feel better but unfortunately, there is nothing that anyone can say that will take your pain away. Talking about your loss is good and this website is the greatest place for doing that. We are all going through this together so everyone understands what you are feeling. I wish you the very best and will remember you in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Leticia Hernandez on September 27, 2010 at 1:37pm

Hi Linda
My spouse has been only gone 4mos on 9/3. We were also married 30 years and today with the weather change, my oldest son just called to say I wish I could call dad. I told him his spirit is within us in different ways. Only time will tell. I am attending a griefshare program. Very helpful to understand your loss, dealing with grief. I'm doing the same things staying involved with church, grandchildren, didn't know I had so much time on my hands. I feel sometimes so lonely so I look at pictures of us, smiling remembering the goods times. With the holidays coming up I feel numb but with GOD grace, faith, hope you can get through this. When you feel alone pick up a book of your choice and read, that seems to help me. Believe me its not easy, I've been missing my spouse alot lately but he was very ill and I know he no longer is suffering, GOD took him for a reason, and has a plan for me. I just lost my father-in-law last week, so know at least I know my spouse is not alone even though I am. Crying is okay, thats the grievfing process. I was always the strong one and now I feel weak but I put myself in GODs hands and let him help me deal with my loss. My children are great but also need to grieve in thier way. Take one day at a time. Be blessed. Hope to hear from you.

Permalink Reply by Linda Robertson on September 27, 2010 at 1:55pm

Thanks Leticia, yes that is what has got me thus far, it trusting in my lord, At night when I can't sleep, I just say lord take hold of my hand and help me make it through the night or day, I will also be praying for you and your family, Thanks Linda

Permalink Reply by Virginia on September 27, 2010 at 5:37pm

Hi Linda, Welcome, you are at a good site, I'm at 17 months tomorrow, and there are still many bad days. I have days that are ok but you just never know how your going to be from one minute to another, so we learn to just be ready i't does get better and hopefully with more time inbetween melt downs we are all here for each other. hugs to you

Permalink Reply by Glenda F. Camp on September 27, 2010 at 8:31pm

Hello Linda,

I lost my husband of 26 years on November 10, 2009. He was 25 years older than I. We, too, worked together and were rarely apart. He was the love of my life and truly my soulmate, so I believe I can say with all sincerity that I know where you are in the grieving process. When you have had a marriage like you describe, it is very hard to be alone particularly when you have spent time witness others and jhave to return to an empty house. Crying is such a necessary part of grieving your loved one in your journey to the other side of grief. We who have lost the loves of our life are on a journey we did not want to take. Nevertheless, we are plodding along the best we can. When I feel like crying, I cry. When sadness becomes overwhelming I remind myself of aa quote I read:"Do not cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." I have no idea who wrote these words, but they are a great comfort to me. I have to tell you this does not always work, but the further into the grief process I get, the more likely it is to work. I also remind myself that my beloved would not want me to live the rest of my life bogged down in sadness. It would not be an appropriate tribute to the wonderful life we had together. He always had great faith in my strength and my ability to take care of myself. He was my biggest cheerleader. We lived a life full of professional accomplishment and great adventures I would never have had were it not for him. You can get through these rough spots. Please know that there are so many people who are or have been where you are now. We support each other. Remember, we all grieve in different ways. There are no right or wrong ways to deal with the loss of your soulmate.

Permalink Reply by Glenda F. Camp on September 27, 2010 at 8:40pm

Glenda F. Camp said:

Hello Linda,

I lost my husband of 26 years on November 10, 2009. He was 25 years older than I. We, too, worked together and were rarely apart. He was the love of my life and truly my soulmate, so I believe I can say with all sincerity that I know where you are in the grieving process. When you have had a marriage like you describe, it is very hard to be alone particularly when you have spent time witness others and jhave to return to an empty house. Crying is such a necessary part of grieving your loved one in your journey to the other side of grief. We who have lost the loves of our life are on a journey we did not want to take. Nevertheless, we are plodding along the best we can. When I feel like crying, I cry. When sadness becomes overwhelming I remind myself of aa quote I read:"Do not cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." I have no idea who wrote these words, but they are a great comfort to me. I have to tell you this does not always work, but the further into the grief process I get, the more likely it is to work. I also remind myself that my beloved would not want me to live the rest of my life bogged down in sadness. It would not be an appropriate tribute to the wonderful life we had together. He always had great faith in my strength and my ability to take care of myself. He was my biggest cheerleader. We lived a life full of professional accomplishment and great adventures I would never have had were it not for him. You can get through these rough spots. Please know that there are so many people who are or have been where you are now. We support each other. Remember, we all grieve in different ways. There are no right or wrong ways to deal with the loss of your soulmate.

Permalink Reply by Glenda F. Camp on September 27, 2010 at 8:41pm

P.S. Please forgive the typos.

Permalink Reply by Doreen Johnson on September 28, 2010 at 8:33am

It is incredible to rwead the postings here and find I am not alone in what I am feeling. I lost my husband after 23 years together; he was 14 years older than I but I though we would have more time together. At 44 I found myself widowed and felt so isolated. Family and friends can try to understand but if you haven't experienced the loss of you soulmate, they just can't quite understand. Now at 49 and almost 5 years alone, I find myself smiling more when thinking of my husband and our wonderful time together. Still have plenty of rough days but happy memories help. I also love the quote, :"Do not cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Hugs to you all.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on September 28, 2010 at 8:58am

Doreen, thats why this site is great for us. We are not critical and judgemental. We all know and understand and share. And you are right. Family and friends dont really know what we are going thru.Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Georgia on September 28, 2010 at 4:33pm

I to lost my husband 3 yrs. & 3 mo's ago. I miss him so very much, he was my sole mate. (I lost my 32 yr old daughter 9 mo's after my husband), I still cry, sometimes I don't know which one I'm crying for. But, I have learned not to fight it. If I feel it coming on and I am alone (which is most of the time) I just let it happen and usually some of the pain will go away for a while. I'm close to the cemetery so sometimes I go there and cry. I took part in a grief class, we learned that tears actually do have different ingredients during different stages of grief and that it is helpful to cry. I do believe we will be with our loved ones again. I believe in God our Father and in his Son who gave his live for us. Loneliness is misery, I turn the radio on most of the time to try to help combat it.
May God Bless.

Permalink Reply by Liz on September 28, 2010 at 7:00pm

I remember I asked my grandmother a week or 2 after my Shawn died, when will it stop hurting to breathe? She looked me dead in the face and said never. She lost her husband of 40 yrs 12 yrs ago, this past February. She was right. To this day, I have a pit in my chest. And it will never be refilled. I will love someone again. I will take steps to move on with my life- its just natural as I am only 29. but Shawn was the love of my life. he was my soul mate. he was the one you wish for. and while i may move on, i will never forget or replace him. i dont cry as much anymore. it has been 1 yr and almost 9 months. i cry majorly at the big events for our kids that he would of loved- our kids are 2 almost 3 and the other is 4. and i cry at holidays or birthdays.. and i cry at anniversaries.. but that pit- that pit that hurts every time i breathe- that will always be there.. that will always be my constant reminder of what i am missing. but my advice, is short and simple and it has helped me through. i live for today. i live for my kids. i allow myself to feel how i feel.. and then the next day is a new day. im not perfect and i am allowed to fall. one day in my future, i will see shawn again. and until that day, i have vowed to live each day to make him proud. i hope that was some help for you.
Liz.

Permalink Reply by Patti Baker on September 28, 2010 at 7:45pm

Linda, I was married 55 years to the most wonderful man, he passed away 1 year and 5 months ago. I cry sometimes, I miss his warm lips and hands, his gentle touch and most of all I just miss him, I am a realtor so I keep busy, I go out to dinner with friends, I take trips (automobile) with my dog Jack, I go to the cemetery weekly and talk to my husband. I talk to him all day sometimes when Iam driving. I believe they hear you. I am selling the big house and moving to a townhouse in town, I now live in the country on 5 acres -- too much work.....stay busy and think happy thoughts.........

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