Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kay Arcuni on November 8, 2010 at 12:01pm

Laura, I am so sorry you have to be here with us. I lost my Joe 12 weeks ago tomorrow and it was very sudden and a surprise to the both of us. The last time he looked at me was a look of terror because they were doing everything he said he never wanted done to him and like you there was nothing I could do to make it better. I have tried to put that look out of my mind knowing that he was not really in his right mind at the time. Like you said please remember he is better now we are the ones suffering. Stay here with us we will always be hear to listen even if you just need to rant about something. This will never get easier, you just get used to the feeling. I hope you can find some peace in your heart by remembering how much he loved you. Write anytime we are here.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on November 8, 2010 at 12:49pm

Hi to all, am sorry for our losses and having to be here. Thank you Steve Cain for this site. LouAnn died suddenly during a nap. I heard her die and saw her dead. She just had that"asleep" look on her face. She never regained or felt anything for 6 more hours to die on her birthday. She never tried to speak or look or panic or try moving. LouAnn never really liked her picture taken but always managed to smile for the picture being taken when she had no choice. Always a big smile no matter what. Even for me she would always smile especially when my back was really hurting and I was in pain. Thats how I will always remember her. I realize that many of you have differant expressions that you will forever carry with you,forever. I dont know how I would be with "an expression" that was at the end for you to always remember. This was what I had. My hugs go out to all of us. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Laura Ferguson on November 8, 2010 at 2:01pm

Thank you all very much; and I am so sorry for everyone's loss. Even tho it has been a short period of time, will be buring him tomorrow through no fault of mine and it is like his death is starting all over. Not only did I have to worry about how I was going to learn to live again; and what kind of work I would need to do; I had to worry about them losing his body straigtened out finally. I don't know if I can deal with it.

I know hugs are good but there is noone here to hug me

thank you all for lisrening
Laura

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on November 8, 2010 at 2:38pm

Dear Laura - I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Mike - you obviously loved him so very much, that the thought of him being in pain is so very hard for you.

I have two pictures of my husband I took right at the time he died - he had liver disease, so he is discolored (yellow) from the jaundice, his body swollen from the ascites, and you can see the ravages on his body - I still look at these pictures from time to time (he died on 29 June 2009) - and I know he was suffering and in pain, but he is no longer.

I still miss him, just as you miss your beloved.

Peace, healing, blessing and grace be upon you - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by Kathy King Kates on November 8, 2010 at 3:24pm

My dear Bill died early in the morning. Hospice was with us on 24 hour watch and they had been warning me all night that the "death" signs were showing in his skin and he completely lost his voice that last night so it just felt like he drifted away. The hospice people had been turning him to make him comfortable and had just turned him to face the window when he took his last breath. My daughter and I were standing holding his hand looking out the window with him. A dear neighbor man that Bill loved to hunt and fish with, drove past our house (returning from night shift at work) just as Bill took his last breath. We all said he was saying goodbye to Steve and this was such a blessing. So many friends and family knew his signs were close that amazingly people started arriving in that few moments and I suddenly realized I was completely surrounded by love. From that moment til 3 weeks later, no one let me be alone for a moment. The picture on mypage is Bill just 3 weeks before he passed. This is the smiling loving man that I have to let myself see as I go to sleep. He knew his time was short but he has the biggest smile. Unbelievable. He was ready to rest. I have to be content with that tho I know he didn't want to leave me. He feared for my pain more than his own relief. Everyone needs to see the love of their loved ones, not the pain. They didn't want us to suffer. We all know that.. Hugs

Permalink Reply by Kay Arcuni on November 8, 2010 at 4:58pm

Kathy you are more than right. When my Joe left us the out pouring from our friends was just overwhelming. My sisters and his family could not get over how many people arrived at the memorial service at how many peoples loves he touched at all the people that would come and sit with me. Even after 12 weeks its not as many but I still get cards from our friends letting me know I am not alone. The photo I used at the memorial is the smile that he always had on his face with that twinkle in his eye that let you know, he was a friend that you could come to with any problem. He was such a fair and kind man who knew no strangers. It was such a nice feeling to know that when I started to go thru his papers and personal computer that I would find nothing that would hurt me. Only things that would let me know how much he loved me. I do miss him so much, to hear his voice and to feel his touch is my one wish in life now. But his love I feel everyday.

Kathy King said:

My dear Bill died early in the morning. Hospice was with us on 24 hour watch and they had been warning me all night that the "death" signs were showing in his skin and he completely lost his voice that last night so it just felt like he drifted away. The hospice people had been turning him to make him comfortable and had just turned him to face the window when he took his last breath. My daughter and I were standing holding his hand looking out the window with him. A dear neighbor man that Bill loved to hunt and fish with, drove past our house (returning from night shift at work) just as Bill took his last breath. We all said he was saying goodbye to Steve and this was such a blessing. So many friends and family knew his signs were close that amazingly people started arriving in that few moments and I suddenly realized I was completely surrounded by love. From that moment til 3 weeks later, no one let me be alone for a moment. The picture on mypage is Bill just 3 weeks before he passed. This is the smiling loving man that I have to let myself see as I go to sleep. He knew his time was short but he has the biggest smile. Unbelievable. He was ready to rest. I have to be content with that tho I know he didn't want to leave me. He feared for my pain more than his own relief. Everyone needs to see the love of their loved ones, not the pain. They didn't want us to suffer. We all know that.. Hugs

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on November 8, 2010 at 8:00pm

Laura, My husband, Jim,passed away 19 days ago. We were on a rollercoaster ride with his illness. He had lung cancer,had one lung removed. Chemo,then it spread to his spine,radiation,more chemo cause it spred to his other lung. Sept. 20th tests showed the cancer was responding to the chemo. Two wks later he caught a bug,was in the hospital. Only the bug was cancer. So we called in hospice,brought him home where he lasted 8 days. The last four days he was pretty much out of it. When he did go, I was hugging him and telling him that I loved him.He left peacefully, as usual, trying to make it easier for me. I, too, don't have much support. My mom is in hospice, my sister lost her husband in June( also from cancer), Jim's dad lives in Texas, and our daughters. Our daughters have tried to help, but they are hurting too, and they have their own lives. So I try not to burden them too much. That's why this site has helped me alot. Hospice said they would check on me for the next 13 months, but I haven't heard from them. So Laura, stay here with us, we help each other as much as we can. Take care, everyone here will be there for you.

Permalink Reply by sharon cox on November 9, 2010 at 6:02am

Hi Laura. My name is Sharon and I lost my husband 8 months ago. I know what you mean, I had a hard time with that after my husband died. He looked like he had a little smile on his face. It was the one I had seen a thousand times as he was sleeping on the couch. I tried not to think about it but sometimes you just can't help it. You are in the beginning of your grief and what you are going through is normal. My husband's death was anything but peaceful, he died in a car accident. I believe that look on his face was him being at peace as he entered into heaven. I am so sorry for your loss. We are all here for you.

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on November 9, 2010 at 8:13am

My dear Douglas died July 17,2009. He was under Hospice care at home and 2 days before he passed he looked at me and said, "What happened?" The look on his face and his eyes tore at my heart. All I could say was, "You got really sick this time baby and I can't fix it." He smiled at me and relaxed. I made darn sure that he was not in pain nor did he have any invasive treatment -- that was his wish. So, when I think about that look in his eyes and the expression of confusion on his face I remind myself that he died with dignity -- no tubes, no pain, just surrounded by those who loved him -- especially me. I never left his side. We talked (or I should say I did all the talking) while he would nod or squeeze my hand and smile. He could still hear me and I talked about all the craziness we shared and assured him that I was going to be okay because I knew he would always be walking next to me and best of all, watching over me! Do I miss him -- words cannot express how much. I loved this beautiful man for over 32 years and will continue to love him until I draw my last breath. He is waiting for me -- this I believe. He is with me every day and shows me a sign in different ways. I still cry over my loss, I get angry because he suffered needlessly, and I can smile when I think of all the beautiful memories he and I made together. Those memories keep me sane and help me put one foot in front of the other. I stumble a lot, still, but the day will come when I will accept that he died. It is a tragedy everyone will experience -- unfortunately all of us here have been forced to experience the tragedy before many of our friends and family. I consider all of you dear friends and family. All of you have picked me up when I have fallen and for that I am grateful. You actually "get it" -- and to the defense of our friends and family members, until this tragedy is experienced by them personally they will struggle to find the right words to say to us. We must be patient with them but more importantly we must be there for them when they are on this path of grief. I wish all of you a safe and happy holiday season. Know that you are loved!

In Peace,

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by Laura Ferguson on November 9, 2010 at 11:48am

Barbara
My husband also died from lung cancer which took him with treatment in about two months I know that it was the prayers that took him; because the lord will either cause a miracle and cure him or stop the suffering and he chose to stop his suffering; but Mike thought he still had a couple of months. We are buring him today at the Willamette National Cemetery in Portland Oregon and because I could not afford to pay for his Obituary they did not even mention that he was an Army Veteran. I feel that should come automatically without saying.

thank you all for letting me vent and listening to me I feel like I am going crazy




Barbara Roth said:

Laura, My husband, Jim,passed away 19 days ago. We were on a rollercoaster ride with his illness. He had lung cancer,had one lung removed. Chemo,then it spread to his spine,radiation,more chemo cause it spred to his other lung. Sept. 20th tests showed the cancer was responding to the chemo. Two wks later he caught a bug,was in the hospital. Only the bug was cancer. So we called in hospice,brought him home where he lasted 8 days. The last four days he was pretty much out of it. When he did go, I was hugging him and telling him that I loved him.He left peacefully, as usual, trying to make it easier for me. I, too, don't have much support. My mom is in hospice, my sister lost her husband in June( also from cancer), Jim's dad lives in Texas, and our daughters. Our daughters have tried to help, but they are hurting too, and they have their own lives. So I try not to burden them too much. That's why this site has helped me alot. Hospice said they would check on me for the next 13 months, but I haven't heard from them. So Laura, stay here with us, we help each other as much as we can. Take care, everyone here will be there for you.

Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on November 9, 2010 at 3:34pm

Dear Laura, I RELATE ALL to well. It isn't quite 6 weeks that the love of my life and soulmate Doug died and I was holding his hand when he took his last breathe and his eyes opened halfway and his head turned as to be looking at me. That memory of that look feels engrained today in my heart. He wanted to go home with me. I too have no family. Prayers and many hugs one moment at a time.

Permalink Reply by Kay Arcuni on November 9, 2010 at 3:56pm

Laura, I hope your day went smoothly. I know how hard this day can be. And I would like to say thank you to him for serving his country. He is truly a hero.

Laura Ferguson said:

Barbara
My husband also died from lung cancer which took him with treatment in about two months I know that it was the prayers that took him; because the lord will either cause a miracle and cure him or stop the suffering and he chose to stop his suffering; but Mike thought he still had a couple of months. We are buring him today at the Willamette National Cemetery in Portland Oregon and because I could not afford to pay for his Obituary they did not even mention that he was an Army Veteran. I feel that should come automatically without saying.

thank you all for letting me vent and listening to me I feel like I am going crazy




Barbara Roth said:

Laura, My husband, Jim,passed away 19 days ago. We were on a rollercoaster ride with his illness. He had lung cancer,had one lung removed. Chemo,then it spread to his spine,radiation,more chemo cause it spred to his other lung. Sept. 20th tests showed the cancer was responding to the chemo. Two wks later he caught a bug,was in the hospital. Only the bug was cancer. So we called in hospice,brought him home where he lasted 8 days. The last four days he was pretty much out of it. When he did go, I was hugging him and telling him that I loved him.He left peacefully, as usual, trying to make it easier for me. I, too, don't have much support. My mom is in hospice, my sister lost her husband in June( also from cancer), Jim's dad lives in Texas, and our daughters. Our daughters have tried to help, but they are hurting too, and they have their own lives. So I try not to burden them too much. That's why this site has helped me alot. Hospice said they would check on me for the next 13 months, but I haven't heard from them. So Laura, stay here with us, we help each other as much as we can. Take care, everyone here will be there for you.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next ›
• Page