Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on December 29, 2010 at 3:45pm

Jill, Jim has been gone 9 wks, and I haven't had a dream yet either. One night I dozed off on the couch,briefly saw him in a dream, that's all. I have heard other people have had dreams of their loved ones, have felt them, heard them. I would LOVE to have that happen. My sister's husband passed away 4 months before Jim did. I had a dream about him,which was strange cause I really wasn't close to him. If you find a way to dream the dream you want, please let me know. I miss Jim so much. Lost my mom Dec.22, sure could use one of Jim's hugs right now. Take care, or should I say "Sweet Dreams"?!!

Permalink Reply by Kathy King Kates on December 29, 2010 at 6:23pm

I too have mentioned before that I feel bad my Bill has not returned to me in dreams or anything either when I see many say their loved ones return. My grandson says he feels grandpa here in our house and some strange things have happened about the house that would feel like little pranks Bill might do but I personally have not seen him. This bothered me for awhile because I really wanted to feel him here but I have come to believe he must be at peace and not feel the need to return. I hope things work out for you Jill.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on December 29, 2010 at 11:07pm

Hi Jill,

I am so sorry for your loss.  Losing your love so suddenly and so young is so hard.  I can't know exactly how you feel, but I truly understand the devastation.    

I don't believe that when our loves pass on they have any feeling but love...there is no anger; he's not mad at you.  I have heard that sometimes the veil of sadness is so profound that our loved ones cannot get to us until we are able to pull out of our sadness a little and get through the cloud of grief and that takes time...sometimes a lot of time.  The grief doesn't go away and the sadness doesn't end, somehow it changes and shifts just a little bit. 

It took me a long time to have dreams about Tom and when I did at first they were all very mean, angry dreams.  Tom was agitated and angry and would not even hug me in the dreams.  So, as relieved as I was that I was dreaming about him, the dreams themselves were a bit disturbing.  After a few months the dreams started becoming less angry and he slowly would hug and even kissed me once in a dream.  I did have one night, months after he passed (actually it was the first night I was home alone...my house is chaotic and there is always someone around), I layed down and asked him to come to me...I just needed to feel him close to me...I had just closed my eyes and I literally felt pressure on my back and around my arms (I was laying face down) and I know it was him giving me the hug I needed so desperately.  I had heard people tell these types of stories before and I would just kind of say oh, yeah, okay, never really believing it.  Well, I became a believer that night.  It was so real and so confirming for me.  I made the mistake of opening my eyes and when I did it was all over.  I tried so hard to get the feeling back, but it didn't happen.  But I know for those few minutes Tom was here, close to me, hugging me, and it was so what I needed at that moment. 

I haven't had a dream of him in months.  Each night I ask him to come to me and give me a good dream, but I'm still waiting.

It's hard to be patient and wait for that dream, but I think it will happen.  Keep asking and one night you will be surprised.  I hope it happens for you soon.

Permalink Reply by Connie on January 4, 2011 at 5:18pm

Hi Jill,  Please accept my sincere sympathy on your loss.  I haven't been coming on this site too much lately.  I guess with getting ready for the holidays, I really haven't had a lot of free time.  My husband passed almost 14 months ago.  I, too, did not get to say goodbye as the nurse called when his heart rate was down to 34 and even though it only took minutes for me to get to the hospital, he was gone when I got there.  I was told by someone shortly after he passed, that  the person is in a transition phase and cannot visit you while they are in that phase.  I was fortunate that the nurse immediately disconnected all the tubes from him and when we went into the room, he looked very much at peace.  It was a few months after he passed, that he came to me.  At the time I was trying to make a decision regarding our dogs because it was very difficult for me to take care of them.  In this visit, there were dogs and puppies all over the place and my husband walked around the house and said to me  "Look Honey, I can walk and it doesn't hurt".  He looked as he did before he had the 1st heart attack when we thought he was very healthy.  I have read in a book by John Edwards that when you dream, you don't always remember the dream completely but when you are visited by your loved one, you will remember all the details.  I guess that is why I consider that as a 'visit' because I do remember all the details even to the color shirt he had on and that he had the sleeves cuffed up.  I do not know how long it has been since your loss but I do hope that you find the strength to deal with your new situation. 

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on January 4, 2011 at 9:03pm

Hi Jill,

For me it was about 5 months after my husband passed and I had a dream totally unexpected, I wasn't wanting or not wanting to dream of him because it hurt when thoughts of when he was well came to me during my waking hours and it is just as painful when thoughts of him came to me when he was in different stages of being sick.   But early one July morning when I was in REM stages of dreaming I saw him sitting on a green couch in a house I used to live in and I was so gloriously happy and was ecstatic as I said to him, "Your not really gone," and I was kissing his face and throwing my arms around him, hugging him and said what would you like me to get for you, tea, anything, are you hungry.  He was smiling and laughing.  Then I said to him , "I have to get my camera, just wait right there so I can take a picture of you to prove to everyone that your not gone" and I thought at this moment that I was awake and it was real and I kept my eyes on him and I glanced for a second to go for my camera and he was gone, and I turned quickly and caught him by the arm and he was standing and in a split second he had long gray hair, which I immediately knew that this meant his time with me was supposed to have been over but I didn't want him to go, and although he looked a little scary because of his very long grey hair I wasn't scared and I woke up in that second and burst into tears because I thought to myself, it was a dream, and then, just like in the movie (A Christmas Carol)  I said out loud, but what if it wasn't (a dream)  and I believe from what someone told me that I got a visit from Danny.  I really believe this.  So, I just wanted to tell you about my experience because I'm thinking maybe you'll have a 'visit' when the time is right for you.  Just maybe if you don't force the dream, Jason will come to you in dreams or signs, we just have to be open for them.  I don't mean to make you believe what I do, I'm just speaking for myself but I pray you have peace.  I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  I truly know how you feel.

God bless,

Suzanne