Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Janice Jones on January 8, 2012 at 6:34pm

Thanks for sharing Brigitte.  A wonderful poem that I need to try and live up too.  My David would have said those same words to me.  As you know it is very hard to go on.  Sometimes it seems like I just go through the motions.  Am much better than before and like you my cries seem to be less intense and shorter.  I have used all my tears too.  It has been three and a half years for me.  God Bless you and all of us who are going through this: I pray every night just for peace and a little joy and I pray this for all of us here.    Jan 

Permalink Reply by MaggieP on January 8, 2012 at 9:25pm

Thank you Bridgette. I have read that poem before, but it was a good day to read it again.

Permalink Reply by Nancy Peterson on January 10, 2012 at 2:34am

It's been two years for me and almost one month....my husband died suddenly after a short 10 day virus illness that caused viral encephalitis. It was horribly traumatic and I still picture the huge open for draining cut across his half shaved head and the 6 days of coma he was in. I can't get the trauma out of my head. I do try to bring forward the wonderful memories...just the crap seems to stick around. My mom whom was my best friend died a slow death from cancer and I took care of her. I thought that was horrible enough and the worst.....but this is the worst for me... Feels like this deep pain inside is going to eat me up from the inside out sometimes. I am having trouble making sense of the short time we got together after waiting all our lives for each other. I was soooooo happy......it's so unfair

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on January 10, 2012 at 4:57am

Brigitte ... I understand how you feel and I am having a rough day as it's my b/d and I miss my dear Ernie so much.  He passed away on April 27, 2011 of pancreatic cancer.  I will admit my long cries are getting less, but nonetheless I do have my days.  I wish I could feel him around me more.  Your poem put many things back into perspective for me and made me feel a little more joyful.  Thank you for that.

 

Hugs

Marcy

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on January 10, 2012 at 5:05am

Dear Nancy ...

 

I am so sorry you have had far too much trauma and loss so quickly.  I do know how you feel.  My husband Ernie passed away April, 2011 of pancreatic cancer and it was difficult to watch him fade away before my very eyes.  It is so difficult to love our spouses so deeply and we cannot help them in any way.  I am full of question re God; why are we here and why does death have to be so brutal.  I think most of us grieving here have had to face those questions.  In our own ways we survive even though it may just feel like we are existing, but every day we get through is making us stronger and the wonderful memories and the love they gave us should strengthen us.  I know I feel how it hurt me so to tell my Ernie to 'go and not worry about me' (the worst thing I ever had to do) but seeing him in such pain it was a relief to know he passed quickly after that and is no longer in any pain.  I know you will in time feel the same way.  All of us are here for each other anytime you need to talk.

 

Hugs

Marcy

It's been two years for me and almost one month....my husband died suddenly after a short 10 day virus illness that caused viral encephalitis. It was horribly traumatic and I still picture the huge open for draining cut across his half shaved head and the 6 days of coma he was in. I can't get the trauma out of my head. I do try to bring forward the wonderful memories...just the crap seems to stick around. My mom whom was my best friend died a slow death from cancer and I took care of her. I thought that was horrible enough and the worst.....but this is the worst for me... Feels like this deep pain inside is going to eat me up from the inside out sometimes. I am having trouble making sense of the short time we got together after waiting all our lives for each other. I was soooooo happy......it's so unfair

Permalink Reply by janeo on January 11, 2012 at 7:45pm

I was just reading the poem Remember Me and that was so beautiful. I agree with Janice Jones. I will try to live up to it. But it's going to be real hard.

 

Jane Favara

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on January 11, 2012 at 8:09pm

Dear Jane,

I am glad that this poem may have brought you some peace of mind.  I read it every day to remind myself that Douglas wants me to continue with my life -- and it is also a gentle reminder of what a beautiful man I was so lucky to have built 33 years of fantastic memories.  He suffered with his illness but always kept his gentle nature and we loved each other more every day.  He is my hero and guardian angel!!

 

In peace,

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by Nevada Goddard on January 12, 2012 at 12:13pm

I lost my beloved best friend, soulmate of 35 years February 21, 2010.  He was a important part of my life 50 of my 59 years.  "Lost" is an understatement. It is still a chore everyday to breathe.  I am blessed to have our 4 children and 8 grandchildren to keep me going, but I feel like I am such a burden and worry to them.  It is not right that I am here and Skip is gone.  He wanted nothing more than to see his grandchildren, they are missing so much with him being gone.

I have even had people ask me if I was ready to start dating now!?  In my heart I am a married woman and could not imagine sharing my life with someone else.  He is in my thoughts 24/7, please, somebody out there tell me when I will be able to look forward to tomorrow.  I am so sorry for anyone having to be at this site. I appreciate it because I know there is nobody else that could understand this pain.  Hugs. Nevi

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on January 12, 2012 at 12:41pm

This third Christmas and New Year's was hard, not as hard in some ways, but harder in others....as more time goes by since the death of our beloveds, resources just tend to fall away - friends and family aren't quite as able or willing to see our grief, or listen to us talk about our dead beloveds. Even professionals seem to expect our grief to be 'managed', 'manageable'.
While I will say that it's not as sharp as it was in June, 2009 when Byron died - it is still present, it is something that will never go away, never heal.
I think of Frodo the Hobbit in Tolkien's 'Lord Of The Rings' trilogy - he was wounded with knife, tooth, spear and a long and heavy burden, and he was told by the wizard Gandalf that his wounds would never completely heal. Yet, he eventually triumphed, and helped save the Shire for the others (yah, I'm a nerd; I'm a database administrator, in Information Technology (ha)). Frodo could never be the same, he could never be as if he were never wounded - but he preserved, and so all of us do, the best ways we can.

Comfort, grace, healing and blessing be with and upon you all - Yaca Attwood Perkins