Dear Marsha, you are a true sweetheart! I totally remember you telling me that about Abby:) she is my joy and that she has a connection in her heart with her grandpa Jack is wonderful and she knows when I am feeling down and comes swooping in to raise my spirits! I love her to the moon and back!
Oh I agree with your sentiments Marsha. At this point in my life I think next year I may plan a trip away for the holidays! Try as I may it is stressful all these combinations of family who aren't really family sure make it hard, I mean in the way that people show up and while one tries to be open there is really no relationship there to begin with and would rather be alone! Yes I will be having Christmas with my other daughter and then will hopefully go over to my sister's all of us for a few days after the fact. This used to happen to my dad too, man I have those memories now and that doesn't help. Family dynamics huh? Kids, who aren't really kids any more at 36 now are they! I'm glad I'm not alone and Christmas really is for the little ones so it will be special for Abby. Both my sister and my kids have barriers up when it comes to our losses. My sister never talks about our parents, drives me crazy truthfully and then one time earlier this year we were talking about a friend of hers whose mom was ill with cancer and I started to cry over Jack and she said "oh you still miss him, I'm sorry". Excuse me?
One daughter is very distant and the other, younger one, she will from time to time talk about her dad but in different contexts. I just go ahead and bring him up when I want because I need to.
Good for you for continuing those traditions Marsha! My dad was very much like that and felt it really important but nowdays everything is chat/online/not much face to face and even when in the company of others it is happening. The efforts involved in putting together a nice Christmas including the meal are extraordinary and you know what - it is just an assumption that it will happen, like "poof" as my sweetheart used to say, "just like that"!
I will drop you an email and big HUGS and thanks for yours - I feel better already! xoxoxoxo
Dear Charles ... Once again you brought tears to my eyes with such a beautifully written post and giving words of wisdom. You captures the spouse's left behind feelings to a tee. Thank you for that!
My beloved Ernie passed away in April 2011 and we always loved Christmas (use to have a private, romantic Christmas just the two of us one minute after midnight) and without thought I put up the Christmas tree. Ernie would always redo the Christmas lights if I did them so I finally let him to do that and I miss him so. I now have an artificial tree (never thought I'd stoop to that LOL) and decorate it, look around and say, 'hon, what do you think of the decorating.' You can almost feel the approval sweeping over you. I have been doing the tree ever since and refuse to give up our beautiful tradition. One minute after midnight on early Christmas morn I will have a drink to him and talk with him, give him his mushy Christmas card and throw him a kiss. I feel his presence.
You are so right about guests coming and your to 'why do we do it' it's because that's who we are. Everyone snuggles into my home as it' quaint with an old traditional Christmas ambiance. The fireplace is roaring away (not a gas fireplace) and the lights shimmer with candles everywhere. Why do I do it? I do it for Ernie's memory and also mine. People seem to have a good time and I'm at the point now that tears don't come so readily and I'm sure Ernie is right there watching us all. It's a lot of work as Ernie would often help me with housework or cutting up fruit, etc. He was in charge of the alcohol and I with the food. Now I have to do it all so as we all sit filling our faces and those that drink have a few I am exhausted, but it feels good. It's human nature to need family and friends around you during this time of the year. Do I get invitations back, a few, but not many. I notice many people don't put a whole lot of trouble into the way they dress, but Ernie and I did and that made us feel good. I don't judge people as to how they dress, but just enjoy their company. I know for some grieving the thought of a Christmas tree is difficult to deal with and in time they'll become more motivated. I guess you and I just know it's the thing we need to do for our sweethearts.
Charles, I really wish you would think of writing a book about what you have written here as you are a fantastic writer and I read everyone of your posts. While expressing yourself you also give a reason as to why all these things in life happen and you're writing is so up-lifting. Thank you!
Big hug (thanks for the memories and wise observation of who we are now.)
Today is my 54th birthday, it is my 5th without my Rose, it is difficult to be happy and smile even when recalling some of the best memories of birthdays and special dates past. I do not know that it ever gets easier, people have a tendency to shun you when after you loose your significant other, they do not like to be reminded of the pain and anguish they may face from a similar loss. It is so hard to live a normal life or be happy when such a huge part of it is lost.
I know it hurts! I know there are days when you wish the everything would stop and let you have a little peace! I know there are days when it is a struggle to get out of bed, but we do, life continues, we cope and do our best because our loved ones no longer with us would want it that way. Life is full of enough sorrow, regret, remorse, and grief when you have someone to help you through it. It is so much more difficult when we go through it all alone.
Dear Pete ... Happy Birthday. I know it feels like a mixed bag of emotions. When my beloved Ernie passed away in 2011 he missed my 70th birthday and also our wedding anniversary and, of course it just wasn't the same without him. I have also experienced so-called long time friends shunning me since Ernie passed and along with the grief we're experiencing that just adds onto the fragile state we are in. Some did stay loyal to me, but few and now I'm making new friends here and there.
It is so true what you said that each of us seems to get up and get moving hoping the pain will subside. For myself after almost 5 years without my beloved I still feel lost without him, but the pain isn't so intense. My friends help me celebrate my birthday and for that I feel blessed.
It is so difficult as you say to go through this difficult part of our life alone. Unfortunately, Ernie and I couldn't have children and we put our energies into nephews, a niece and two Goddaughters. Now, all are grown and lives of their own and now Ernie is gone. I have to admit there are times I feel very lonely, but thankfully for this forum and some good friends I've met on here and posts such as yours it makes things a little less painful knowing one is not alone in their grief.
I wish you the very best my friend and know that Rose is there with you and we are here as well.
Reading your post brought back familiar feelings of sorrow, grief, and loss. So it has been five years now for you? When does it get easier?
Facing one's own birthday without the love of our life by our side is one of the many very tough things we (the bereaved on this site) have to face every so often. I know what you mean by it's difficult recalling the happy times when you miss your Rose so badly. Even the good, happy memories bring tears. I hope that over time for you and for all the rest of us remembering the happy days with our beloved spouse/partner doesn't call forth as much pain, that over time our pain of loss will be tempered and we will able to relive the happy times with a little smile.
Hope your day was bearable and that you felt your beloved's presence by your side.
Take care, Trina