Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. I guess maybe it is that I had the move and all to keep me busy, and now my days are pretty much filled with nothingness. I try so hard not to dwell on the fact that he is gone, but I just can't. Every time I turn around there is something that reminds me of him. Even my dog acts differently. After Larry died, he laid by the door waiting on him to come home. Now that I have moved, he still seems to be waiting on him. It seems like everyone on here is going through the same thing I am going through. The being down, feeling alone... why us? I hate the thought of winter arriving. We could go for days without going out... just being together was good enough for us. Now all I have to look forward to are cold, empty, alone days.
Well the last couple of days have been pretty bad. I am trying to sell off all of the equipment that we bought when Joe stared his cabinet shop. Not because I want to but I can't afford to be paying rent on a place that is not making money to pay the bills. It makes me cry everytime I think about getting rid of his stuff. Logically I know that it's the right thing to do, but he loved his craft so much that I feel like I am betraying him.
I really need that Joe hug right now the one that would make me feel like everything would be alright no matter what because we were in this together. I know that our friends are there and they offer their help and support but it's not the same, you tell your self go and talk to them but when you do the conversation is so stiff because you don't want them to see how bad your really doing. I lie to them all the time about how its going and I have gotten to the point where it makes me want to scream when someone tells me how sorry they are that they just can't imagine what I am going thru. They are right they can't and I would never want them to. I feel so alone, I just wish I could be with him even for a second to feel his touch or hear his voice. I want to be normal again!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tina, you are not alone & we alll understand how you'll feeling. If you don't have a job, you should consider getting one. As someone else said it's hard to put on a happy face when you are broken inside, but the best thing in the world for me was to find another job & get out of the house. At least for 8 hrs, I am busy & feel like I'm important to my company; then I go home & face the evenings alone. It will be 2 yrs the 29th of next month & I still have meltdowns & crying spells that won't quit. After 22 yrs together, it is still really hard to adjust, but I do now have more good days, and you will too. Just know that we all care & have you in our prayers.