hello all      thiis is my first time here      dont expect any answers   just have some things to say.      my wife Becky passed away unexpectedly on december 13 2007     today    august 18 2010 was my first visit to the cemetery.     i had been telling myself that there was no point in going there because she wasnt really there.    After 28 years of marriage i felt that her spirit was in me and i had no reason to visit her earthly remains.      i came away with mixed feelings.         her passing   was suddenly all too real.   the pain returned      the memories of the day she passed came flooding back.     but, at the same time i felt closer to her than i had in a long time.     what now?    do i go back and try to balance these feelings? or do i just stay away and spare myself the pain?    any thoughts?

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Leo said:
Visiting your wife's grave may bring back many touching memories - both good and bad. Though almost three years have passed since your wife's death, it is nothing compared to 28 years! Take advantage of these memories. Remembering your wife now might even help you "draw close to God" (James 4: 8). Jehovah has promised a resurrection in a peaceful new world here on Earth (John 5: 28, 29; Psalm 37: 10, 11). If you love your wife you will take the neccessary steps to see her again. And, just what do you have to do to give her a warm welcome back to life? John 17: 3 declares, "This means everlasting life, their taking in knowledge of you, the only true God, and of the one whom you sent forth, Jesus Christ." In the meantime, it is vital that you respect the dead - honoring Jehovah. How? Well, I want to share with you the following article which helps you understand in what state are the dead, what will happen in the future, and what you should NOT do if you want to see Becky in the near future.

http://www.watchtower.org/e/20050101a/article_01.htm
I feel for your loss and can relate to what you are going through.I think it is easier to deal with the loss of our loved ones by avoiding the reality of the situation than to actually see the proof that they are really gone.My husband John wanted to be cremated and his ashes scattered in the Gulf of Mexico.He made me promise I would do this because the beach was OUR place and he knew I how much I loved being there.His view was everytime I went there, he would be there so i would never be alone.Well, I have gone there a few times since he passed away and the overwhelming sense of loss gets me everytime. I look over at the spot fully expecting him to be standing there fishing, but he is not.And it dawns on me-I will never see him again.So I cry and miss him so bad it hurts but somehow,somewhere i can hear him say"It`s ok to cry but keep moving forward".It`s only been 8 months since he died-I have a long haul in front of me:)
leo please dont use this space to preach those of us who have lost are closer to God than we have ever been and dont need religious education with all do respect find another way to fulfill your obligations to Jehovah
leo please dont use this space to preach those of us who have lost are closer to God than we have ever been and dont need religious education with all do respect find another way to fulfill your obligations to Jehovah
Hi Brendan, you have to do whatever makes you feel good. There are no rules in this life we are living. I lost my Brad very suddenly, unexpectedly on Aug.5, 2009 and I have been going to the cemetery every day. People tell me not to but its something I have to do. Some days I fall apart while I'm there, cry and scream and other times I feel so close to him, I talk to him and ask him for the strength to go on. You should go whenever you feel like you need to, otherwise you can stay away. The first few weeks I even went a couple of times a day, I know he's not there, but that's where I last remember telling him I would join him someday. You have to do what is good for you. Hope you can have some good days mixed in with the bad. I'll be praying for you.
Your friend,
Barb
Barb said:
Hi Brendan, you have to do whatever makes you feel good. There are no rules in this life we are living. I lost my Brad very suddenly, unexpectedly on Aug.5, 2009 and I have been going to the cemetery every day. People tell me not to but its something I have to do. Some days I fall apart while I'm there, cry and scream and other times I feel so close to him, I talk to him and ask him for the strength to go on. You should go whenever you feel like you need to, otherwise you can stay away. The first few weeks I even went a couple of times a day, I know he's not there, but that's where I last remember telling him I would join him someday. You have to do what is good for you. Hope you can have some good days mixed in with the bad. I'll be praying for you.
Your friend,
Barb
thanks barb
Hi Brendan, Welcome and I'm sorry for your loss. I can only speak for myself. I personally don't go to the cemetery all the time,I feel closer to my husband at the house where we lived for 32 yrs. together and when I go to the cemetery most time I just stand there numb, sometimes I talk to him but I'm not so comfortable there and I'm not sure why it's not denile because I know he's gone and not coming back,I'll also say this I have to go by there when I go to the next town and as I go pass I say hi baby then there's other times I'm on my mission to just go and get back home and I just turn in there and wasn't even thinking about him, so I would say you are going to do what feels right at that moment.again welcome this site is wonderfull we are all here for the same reason and are here for each other and we give lots of hugs so here, so hugs to you.
Brandon,

It of course. is up to you what you do about going back to the cemetery. However, if you go again, you may have a totally different response this time. The sadness and pain, may not have the same impact. But that is a decision you need to make. My husband died 6 months ago. He was cremated and I have his remains here at the house. I don't dwell on that fact. His presense is everywhere in this house. I very seldom stand near the memorial box I have. If I go by it, I may reach out and touch it and say "Hi honey" and move on. Everyone has their own way of dealing with their loss.

Thank you very much for your commemt about preaching on this site. I couldn't have said it better my self. I am very involved in my church as was my husband. And I feel very close to him when I am there. I wasn't happy with those kinds of posting, and this is not the forum for it. Tho' many of us speak of our faith many times, and that is different.
Hugs to you!
brendan, I am so sorry for your pain and for your loss. You will find that we all are having a difficult time with our lives now..You must take the time to grieve. Letting it build up is bad. You will find there is no schedule for the flashbacks and tears and trying to "pull yourself together". Just do what you do and you will find that only you can do this. However and whatever, you will know whats right or wrong. And whatever you do, you do. Over 16 months for me and I will never throw away any of LouAnn's clothes and things. I will never forget her and thru me she is still here. I have her ashes to spread in Colorado when I can save up the money. That will be the "finality" I will absolutely dread. We are all here for you to share and care and understand.
Leo, have you lost anyone or are you just trying to convert us as a Jehovah Witness ?
Brendan,

I'm so sorry for your loss. You have come to a good place. We are all here to share this journey; it helps to have each other to lean on when we need it most.

I agree with everyone that you need to do what is best for you and each day it may be a different thing. There are days that I feel I NEED to be at the cemetary. Other times, like Virginia, I can drive by and just say, "Hi Babe, I love you", and still other times I can drive right on by without much thought about where I am. Everyday is different.

It may sound kind of strange, but I do like being at the cemetary with Tom. I just want to feel close to him any way that I can. It doesn't matter where I am, I talk to him all the time (sometimes yell and scream at him, too). But it's all about just doing what works for you.

I hope you will find comfort here.

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever
Loe, Where do I start, I beleive those of us that believe in the Lord have our own ways of doing so, and do so in our home or car or church. Here we WANT and NEED to speak about how we are feeling and how we are or are not handling the loss of our spouse and to encourage each other and IF we ask to be kept in prayer we are asking it from those who pray, and IF you go back and read any post here you will see NO ONE is reciting the bible in any form. This is not the place for that and we would like to keep it that way I believe.I'm sure you can find another venue for that, it your here to grieve the loos of your spouse or share how you handled the loss of your spouse WELCOME if not please let us be here for each other and not be judged or preached at. No offense ment. Virginia

Leo said:
Hi all,

First of all, I just want to say sorry to all who I might have offended somehow, to all I have made uncomfortable. Randolph, I am not trying to "convert" anyone to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Jesus said in Matthew 24: 14, "This good news of the kingdom will be preached in all the inhabited earth for a witness [not for a conversion] to all the nations; and then the end will come." Before the end, everyone has to know who Jehovah is, what his purposes are. Millions have found comfort in knowing the truth found in the Bible. Jesus preached to everyone everywhere, no matter where they were and that is one his true disciples follow today. My intentions are to help all honest-hearted individuals gain hope for the future, despite the turbulent moments we face. I have lost many loved ones throughout my life. The reason why I don't constantly complain about how hard my life may be is because I see beyond the present hardships and into a wonderful new world. That I have problems - YES. That my life is perfect - NO - everyone has struggles to face. Yet, everyone faces it in a different way, and that is something I deeply respect. I hope no one takes me the wrong way, my intentions are good. However, it is up to you whether you want to read or delete my comments. I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Leo, you never did say if you had indeed lost a spouse. No matter because I have my beliefs and do not want to get into a religious discussion. I do not in any way shape or form believe in the Jehovah Witness's or what they belive in. I do not want to read all the scriptures you so mention. We have all had the religious messages given to us and for our loved one. This is the time, OUR time, to want to share and be comforted by those who have lost a spouse. A grief site for all to come and vent and ask questions. I will not read your messages as all you do is quote scriptures. I will though, complain about them as not being what this site is for and for you wanting us to conform to the Jehovah Witness beliefs. I'm sure there are sites where you can "do your thing". I need the people on this site as they stand and as I stand.

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